And thanks for your books and other posts. I feel they have helped give me understanding of myself and healthy strategies for coping with CEN.

K, I can relate in many, many ways. I’ve decided it’s not worth my breath Bc I’ve had this same conversation with my mother and most recently my brother as well and they both gaslight and stonewall, it addition to project and deflect. After 40+ years of this nonsense, I am DONE. I cut contact with both as of August and October 2021. I’ve coined October 15 as “Independence Day” for me.

Dear Linda, maybe it’s not the best to think of tackling your feelings. Instead, accept the sadness and loss and allow yourself to grieve now. This will prepare you for the day your parents are actually gone.

I was struck by the parent comments above which in essence seems to discount still discount their adult child’s claims of CEN. First, I would say to any parent, including myself, that you must give thorough consideration to someone’s accusations of you inflicting emotional neglect. I am certain both of my parents suffered from significant emotional neglect which was then inflicted on us both involuntarily and voluntarily. As a parent, my first thought is to be willing to hear my child when they have a complaint about my behavior or the way I have handled a situation. What works for one child may not work for another and I have to be willing to make changes for the best interest the child and our relationship. I don’t think the real focus of CEN is to end relationships but, instead, to strengthen them by teaching family members to realize we all have feelings and those who love us should protect those feelings with respect. There are consequences when this does not happen.

I also want to point out that there are mental health conditions where parents may be accused of emotional neglect because their child is unable to have healthy relationships in their current condition. If a parent and child are unable to take the information you provide and renegotiate a healthy relationship, mental illness of any of the participants could be to blame and should be considered.

Your books have helped me on my journey to heal. Both of my parents have passed. And although my past is painful, I surround myself with those who both love me and treat me and my emotions with respect. I am thankful!!

Tammy

I wish I’d read your book before addressing my trauma with her, although I really don’t think it would have made a difference with my mother (she is now 93 and has the full support of 3 of her codependent, bullying – “flying monkey” – sons).

Your books and emails have helped me immensely. I continue on my journey, but I am well out of the woods.

I now have VERY limited contact with my elderly mother (I had been her and my father’s primary caregiver for years – very codependent).

I learned from you how to set appropriate boundaries and protect myself.

I am virtually no contact with 3 of my brothers. I’m the youngest of 7 kids. Fortunately, I’ve been able to repair my relationship with my 2 sisters and 1 of my 4 brothers in large part thanks to what I’ve learned from you. I still do most of the heavy lifting, but they try to meet me halfway which I’m so appreciative of.

Thank you for these email reminders that I’m on the right track!