Comments on: 3 Ways Emotional Neglect From Childhood Affects Your Adult Emotions

By: Laurel

Laurel — Sat, 20 Apr 2019 21:43:49 +0000

Can someone with CEN truly be unable to realize how their silent treatment is hurtful and abusive to the ones they love? If someone is pleading with them for a simple yes or no answer, can they truly feel unable to respond?

By: Ketara

Ketara — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 08:20:01 +0000

Thank you, Jonice, for everything you’ve written about CEN. After years of various kinds of therapy, this is the first time that everything falls into place. I first learned about CEN half a year ago and since then I’ve thought about it a lot, thinking back, analyzing, reinterpreting my childhood.

I see a cycle of neglect when it comes to my family. It’s not intentional nor malice, it’s not knowing better. I was not allowed to be me, with my quirky interests and outgoing nature, not allowed to make noise. Add to that the bullying at school, and you get a shy creature with the superpower to make herself invisible.

In the past half year I have been working on some changes. I distanced myself more from my family. Making my own choices without discussing it with them, so they can’t give me their negative feedback or even laugh at my “silly goals.” I am becoming me.

I always divied up myself in different persons, so people would like me. Now I’m finally becoming one person. It’s scary but also fun to get to know myself better. I’m starting to like myself more now. The voices in my head are still there, critizing everything I do, but I feel less inclined to listen to them. They are losing their power while my power increases. At 36 years old I feel more confident than ever. And a lot of it started with reading about CEN and thinking about the consequences that had on my life. Asking myself what kind of life I would like to have and how I could achieve some of that in really small steps.

Thanks again for your amazing work. You make a difference in this world. Take care of yourself, for the stories on the blogs below your articles can make one so sad sometimes.

By: Jonice Webb PhD

Jonice Webb PhD — Tue, 05 Dec 2017 14:27:02 +0000

In reply to Giang. Great Giang! Keep up the good work!

By: Giang

Giang — Tue, 05 Dec 2017 04:08:00 +0000

In reply to Jonice Webb PhD.

Oh well, thank you Dr Jonice Webb again. I’ve got your message very clear. And i could imagine the very first step of recognizing my emotions is just to let it all or everyone of them come out too much perhaps (like what i’ve been working on these days) and people start feeling surprised and confused about me… It might take some time tho…Now i feel i’m in the right track. Thanks again.

By: Jonice Webb PhD

Jonice Webb PhD — Tue, 05 Dec 2017 00:39:48 +0000

In reply to Lisa. Hi Lisa, that's no sob story, it's the story of your life, and you have been through a lot. I'm sure many others who grew up this abused and neglected understand your pain all too well. I hope you'll learn more about CEN and work to give yourself what you've deserved all along: love and care.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 22:33:59 +0000

Wow, it’s painful just reading this. Neglect….the emptiness, the boredom, the loneliness, the waiting in the dark for my dad to come home from work while my mom crashed from her high with the bedroom door locked. Through therapy I know I was abused but I think the neglect part is not just from the abuser but the people who were supposed to rescue me and didn’t. My entire family knew my mother was abusing me. My dad said he stayed in the marriage for us (go figure) yet he’s still married to her! So the pain is compounded over and over. God, I’m having flashbacks as I write this. It’s winter and winter was a terrible time for us since we couldn’t go outside but our mother either beat us or ignored us. Sometimes locking us in our room for hours. We were too small to reach the light switch so we had to learn to sit in the dark. Sometimes we soiled our pants because nobody would take us to the bathroom. I hate winter.
Sometimes. I worry that I neglected my children in some way. But i look back now and realise I would and have done anything for them. I’ve walked 2 and half hours to get to a food bank for them. Still, since at one point we were lacking money because I got no child support, someone called CPS on me. It crushed me because I wanted so badly to be the mother to them that I never had. And I always thought I was a good mom. Friends had told me I was a good mom. I guess CPS made liars out of them. It seems so unfair and ironic that I sustained years of abuse and nobody did anything but when I tried my damndest trying to protect my kids from their abusive father by kicking him out, someone thought I was abusive or neglectful. It’s been 15 years and I still can’t wrap my head around it. I know logically, staying with their father would have been not only neglect but child endangerment since he tried to choke my eldest at one point (and me, but that’s a different story). But, CPS pounded into my head I was a bad mom. They even made me quit my Masters degree to ‘take better care’ of them. So I ended up the welfare mom they expected me to be.
Anyway, sorry for the sob story. I just had to write this to sort my feelings out. I hope someone can relate.

By: Jonice Webb PhD

Jonice Webb PhD — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 13:26:20 +0000

In reply to Karen R. Dear Karen, this is not an acceptable way for you to live. Please find a good, qualified therapist and get support and guidance to uncover your true feelings and needs and start expressing them.

By: Jonice Webb PhD

Jonice Webb PhD — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 13:23:23 +0000

In reply to Tyler. All I can say to that is yes yes yes!

By: Tyler

Tyler — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 13:16:03 +0000

When uncovering and really examining your emotions for the first time you may go from completely ignoring them as your family did to taking everyone of them too seriously. That’s what is happening to me.

Since your emotions were fused into when you were a child it has helped me to think of them as that child me talking to me as an adult.

Sometimes you need to say back “Yes I know it’s scary but I’ve got this.” Other times you might say “That guy is a creep. I don’t know why I didn’t see that before. Thanks for pointing that out.” Oh the wisdom of children.

The scariest thing about finally shining a light on your true self is not shame but discovering how powerful you are.

By: Jonice Webb PhD

Jonice Webb PhD — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 12:57:10 +0000

In reply to Giang. Dear Giang, that is a question I hear often, and I understand why you ask it. Imagine that the most important person in your life begins to listen, recognize and respond to you. It would make a tremendous change in your life. And that person can be you. When you start to care more about yourself and invest more attention in yourself, you'll begin to fill that empty space and feel more valid. That's how it works, I promise. Stay on the road to healing Giang!