Dear CEN,
I agree with you about being given the message that your core self was not likeable or loveable. But I have had the same problems as an older child and adult with the outside world – eactuuallly I have been treated worse by counterparts than by my familly. So I am sure I have fundaental flawas. The older I ge,t the more I feel despised by other people and the message is constantly drummed home that I AM RESPONSBLE for my own feelings an problems. Nobody else wants anything to do with them, or me.
I have noticed that it is twice on the list of affirmations that I AM RESPONSIBLE and I have to provide everything I need for myself. I have no idea how that can be possible.
Also, I notice that feelings are given a high level of importance. The other self-help people see to say that I A RESPONSIBLE plus that feelings are not to be trusted, your own mind is noto be trusted either. The thing that matters is that thoughts cause feelings, whereas I always felt that feelings are a kind of wordless alarm system and when they are given attention by the person with the feeling, the person only then puts them into words and they become a thought. In other words, all experts and many ordinary people accept this is the order – thought first, which causes a feeling. Opposte to the way I feeel it happens. So they then ay we are responsible for controlling the thoughts, which then controls the feelings… so easy! Perhaps the author Dr Jonice Webb should look into this as an option for change?

Dear Richard, I am so very, very sorry that you were born to a woman who was capable of treating an innocent, helpless child that way. You endured far more than emotional neglect. Your mother sounds like she took sadistic joy in hurting people, and you were a close person she could harm. I do think Running On Empty could help, but I strongly encourage you to see a therapist, if you have not already done so. It takes a lot of support and help to undo what your mother has done. Sending you all my warmest wishes for your deserved healing.

My problem is that I do not believe the affirmations even slightly. My question is would your book help in those cases where the harm was deliberate?

Thanks for writing your book. I always knew that I experienced this in my life but now it has a name! Long story short – grew up in Asian family, oldest, with a brother who was just a year younger. Asian families worship first born son. I was the referee in the family between my parents and brother. I remember hurting myself to get attention, thinking I needed to give people things so they would like me. When I got older, I realized that to survive, I just needed to hide my emotions. So I did that and ignored them. I was married to a wonderful man for the past 25 years, with both a high intellectual and emotional IQ, who would just deal with my infant like anger. I am a widow now. I just dated a man for the past 3 months when my CEN just blew up the relationship – my inability to handle anger in an adult way. Lesson learned. I am not mad at my parents, I understand they were doing their best and didn’t get what they needed in their lives. At least I now know what I need to do to fix this problem. Thank you for putting a name with this for all of us who experienced this in our lives and providing steps so we can heal and move on.

Thanks! Where should I send them when they’re done? I’m working on them right now!

Hi Jenn, what a great idea! That’s fine, as long as you include attribution to my work. I’d love a copy. Thanks for your support of my work.

Dear Maria, bullying by a parent is actually abuse. And it sounds like emotional neglect was a part of the fabric of your life as a child. You deserve now to have everything you missed out on. I sincerely hope you will start taking a new path instead of continuing on the one your parents set you up for. Sending you all my best wishes.