Comments on: 4 Ways You Can Use Your Anger to Make Yourself More Powerful

By: KAYDEE

KAYDEE — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 16:15:59 +0000

In reply to Kym.

Dear Kym, I applaud you and in the same sentence, feel, oh so very sorry for you! That’s a situation that would have most people using drugs or alcohol. My goodness! I know my situation was bad BUT you are much stronger than most people I know, including myself. You do have to take time and look in the mirror, more than once, and come to the conclusion this is your life and you have to live the rest of it for your self. We don’t have a set date of when our lives will be over, SO, we have to live for our selves RIGHT NOW.

Your mother, oh, my goodness, I know EXACTLY where you’re coming from with that. My mother, in my eyesight, was the least loving person I’ve ever known. No affection towards me whatsoever…Except NEGATIVITY.

The rest of the awfulness in your life, PLEASE, seek help and continue to look in the mirror. Always state to yourself, “I AM THE BEST”.

By: Sue

Sue — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 03:11:08 +0000

Thank you for this. Very insightful.
One of the things I consistently do is think that it won’t matter. I’ll hold my anger in, I’ll deal with it and of course it comes out. My husband knows I’m not myself.
Another thing I have a difficult time with is talking about my feelings, my anger in a nice way. Very difficult to do!

By: phillyphilly

phillyphilly — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 02:17:15 +0000

Man oh man, do I relate to this issue. Growing up, our house was full of tension all the time and anger was not allowed, we learned to stuff it. Doing that for too long made us all act out in other ways. By making it unacceptable to feel anger, our parents also gave up the chance to teach us to feel it and deal with it in appropriate ways. As an adult, I would bottle it up (and people-please) until I exploded, which gave some the impression I just had a bad attitude. I notice a lot of my anger is what happens when somebody hurts me – as if some primitive part of my brain turns hurt into anger to save me from the personal rejection of hurt. I became a big people-pleaser all my life and was left baffled by the fact that nobody seemed to care to please me, ever.

I so relate to the feeling of vulnerability mentioned in the posts here – when you don’t know how to constructively express anger, you’re robbed of the ability to feel honest feelings and deal with issues. I’m in my sixties and just learning about this stuff, I’d never heard of CEN before. Now I’m beginning to understand myself a little better – thank you, Jonice!

By: Carl

Carl — Sun, 20 Feb 2022 16:34:58 +0000

These are all very important points and extremely useful around anger misconceptions. I certainly welcome seeing someone explore how to be angry that never knew how.

And I would give them leeway as their expression splatters around a bit on the way to refinement.

Yet I would offer some qualifications around using anger to persuade, because it can often be inappropriate.

“Anger makes you more powerful, especially when it’s justified and expressed with thought and care.” Yes, however I believe anger almost needs to always be, or at least eventually understood enough to be justified.

There are those imbalanced lots who routinely use anger to dominate, and manipulate people. Basically they are misusing the rightful and true structure of the emotion to get their way, often abusing others in the process.

One can not simply choose to be angry about anything. If that’s the case, then here’s an odd exaggerated example: “I’m angry my wife wore a red shirt this morning.”

By: Maureen

Maureen — Sun, 20 Feb 2022 15:52:38 +0000

Well, I didn’t grow up with ANGER, was raised by my maternal grandparents; very Catholic. But in the service used to employ ANGER, and it is befitting sometimes when someone else walks on you ….. You have to stand up for what is right. Very small in the service ; 5’2 98 lbs, small voice….. But once I yelled, people (the troops ) listened. ANGER can come in handy, when the situation is appropriate 🙂

By: Di

Di — Sun, 20 Feb 2022 15:38:24 +0000

My ex army father used anger in the home. Shouting but no physical abuse. We were loved but mum was submissive. My younger brother became a very angry man and because of events I have lost touch with him. I was taught by my mother not to react to him as ‘ that was the way he is’.
When I finally reacted to his angry arrogant personality over a family issue he totally exploded and at age 50 I decided he should not b in my life anymore. Sad but necessary. I blame mum for never disciplining him properly. My anger was always suppressed by mum and dad.

By: Bette

Bette — Sun, 20 Feb 2022 15:23:32 +0000

I was taught that “nice girls don’t get angry!”

By: Rosemarie

Rosemarie — Sun, 03 Jan 2021 04:15:34 +0000

Oh boy has walling off my anger been an issue for me from a very strict childhood forbidding anger in girls and women while the men and boys in the family were free to be as angry as they wanted. As a result I became afraid of my anger… afraid that I might not be able to control it if I ever let it slip. But now I realize that my anger is justified and healthy. I don’t turn the anger inward toward myself anymore like I used to do. Baby steps. Thank you for this article, very informative!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 29 Dec 2020 22:55:54 +0000

In reply to Ann Marie Acosta. Dear Ann Marie, the whole goal with anger expression is to say what you need to say but in a way that the other person is most likely to be able to take it in. Think about packaging it in a way that's receivable. Then, yes, it makes sense to stick around if it's something that should be resolved with a person who deserves resolution. Thanks for making that important point.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 29 Dec 2020 22:43:30 +0000

In reply to Ann Marie. This article, like everything on this site, is meant for people with Childhood Emotional Neglect. People with CEN suppress and wall off their feelings. This article is not meant for abusive, explosive people.