Comments on: 5 Roadblocks to Dating Caused By Childhood Emotional Neglect

By: Dr. B

Dr. B — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 22:31:15 +0000

But CEN survivors can fall in love.
In the article 5 Roadblocks to Dating Caused by Childhood Emotional Neglect you wrote:
“When your parents show low interest in your feelings and emotional needs, it creates a kind of emotional desert inside of you. I call it a desert because it’s an emotionally dry spot that is virtually unable to absorb the “water” or emotionally validating love, that you may later encounter in your adult life. Even when you find the ingredient you need the most, it may make you feel uncomfortable. You do not know what to do with it.”
I seem to have had a somewhat different experience with my first (and only true) love. I am a classic CEN survivor—I have all the issues you describe. I met this woman when I was 22 (I am 68 now). She was everything I had needed emotionally as a child but never got. She loved me unconditionally, emotional issues and all. I fell like a rock. I think it was because I had my shields down. I had never experienced anything like that before. To be clear, all the emotional deficits were still there but I was definitely in love. She had a healing impact on me. I was learning to open up and access my emotions. She was my love coach. Unfortunately, life circumstances pull us apart a few years later. The breakup was really traumatic for me—I still haven’t recovered forty-four years later. However, the point is that CEN survivors can fall in love.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Tue, 13 Aug 2024 19:07:59 +0000

I am just learning there is a name for what I feel or don’t feel. I am 54 yoa female in the middle of a divorce from my husband of 31 years. He is an alcoholic and I am “Bossy “. I get now why it bothered me so much when he was critical of me, or maybe it just felt like he was being critical.
I am just now reading your book, “Running on Empty” and starting to address the revelation of CEN. I have tried to discuss this with the soon to be ex but he is uninterested and/or just doesn’t get it. The truth is, he probably suffers from it too.
By the time I was a Senior in high school, I was homeless and my family didn’t even know….and when we discuss these things, they are like, “I never knew that”, which to me proves my point. Nobody cared. I feel like my whole family abandoned me (one at a time) and they feel guilty over their role in my hurt.
I have tried to educate my family on what I am dealing with but they just don’t understand how anything is wrong as “they didn’t see things that way” so not much support from them. Good thing I am extremely independant, as I feel this will be another journey I will be going on by myself. Thank you for your work, I look forward to learning more from you, in an effort to heal myself.

By: todd

todd — Wed, 17 Jul 2024 22:00:38 +0000

I have read your book and have much in common with your stories. What I didn’t see in your book is what I feel is the cause of my fears and insecurities. At birth, I was separated from my birth mom and did not have that bonding experience. I remember my adopted mom telling me I was a docile baby, only crying for food and diaper change.
Today, I have anxiety when trying to date a woman. I know I have a “fear of rejection.” When I start, I usually go to level 7, where the young woman is at level 1. I have gotten used to being alone. I wish and pray for a formidable partner to romance her socks off. That has been over 40 years now. I usually find divorces with 2.5 children. When I get rejected, I want to move to some mountain top and live out the rest of my life. I am tired of sabotaging myself.

By: Katharine

Katharine — Wed, 29 Nov 2023 04:03:22 +0000

Hello Dr. Webb – what is your advice for people who are long-term singles who would not like to be single, and who have identified that they are so because of childhood emotional neglect?

By: Jonice

Jonice — Fri, 24 Nov 2023 14:16:18 +0000

In reply to Ep. Dear Ep, please ask your parents (or, if you can't ask them, ask at school) for a counselor or therapist to talk with about all this. Now is the time for you to deal with your feelings and it's very important that you do.

By: Ep

Ep — Sun, 19 Nov 2023 23:03:56 +0000

So my parents are very authoritarian and like at this point I’m a senior in highschool and I just don’t feel anything anymore and I’ve been in a relationship recently with this girl and I just feel very weird and awkward when she says nice things about me or any physical touch and a lot of the times I don’t feel present when I’m with her and it’s just feels like it’s over immediately and I feel not as like social as I should have been just like venting pretty much

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 14:45:49 +0000

In reply to Jon. Dear Jon, there is nothing wrong with being gay! Society has come a long way in accepting, and I encourage you to work on accepting yourself and loving yourself. Please contact a therapist and start talking about this! It will make a big difference for you. You deserve so much more and it's up to you to get it for yourself. Wishing you all the best.

By: Jon

Jon — Sun, 15 Oct 2023 20:25:34 +0000

So much of this rings true to me. I have never even been tempted to ask someone out. Early childhood experiences with “playing doctor” elicited a response so violent and terrifying that the idea of having an intimate relationship was impossible. Throw being gay on top of it and you have a recipe for a bleak existence. As my peers began dating I knew that there would be nothing out there for me. I did have a best friend, but once he discovered girls how could I possibly compete? Now I am fifty and alone, no friends to speak of, no goals, no life. Nothing I want is achievable and nothing achievable interests me. My only family is one surviving parent, and one day it will be my responsibility to care for them if/when they are elderly and infirm. I don’t look forward to it, I don’t particularly want to do it but it is literally the only reason I even exist. After that I can go. There’s nothing here for me anyway.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 25 Jun 2023 13:01:54 +0000

In reply to Kristien. Dear Kristien, I can't emphasize enough the importance of the Identifying & Naming exercise and the IAAA. Feeling your feelings and learning how to listen to them, manage and use them are the key to being your true self and feeling less empty. I encourage you to find a therapist to help you or get some support through the process.

By: Kristien

Kristien — Wed, 14 Jun 2023 18:25:17 +0000

Dear Jonice, I read both of your books (and several others) to try and heal myself from CEN but the emptiness stays. The fundamental shame as well as a tendency to question my identity in certain situations where it is challenged. What more can I do to heal myself?It’s sadly putting a brake on my life. Warm regards, Kristien