Comments on: 7 Signs You May Be Counter-Dependent

By: Sam

Sam — Wed, 27 Mar 2019 19:29:05 +0000

I think I’ve just diagnosed myself, I’ve had trouble connecting with people for years. Though my Sisters & I were raised with love, our parents took no interest in us once we were self-sufficient.
Had no opinion on what we should study or do with our lives, my Sister & I recently agreed, we raised ourselves.
I’ve recently made a close friend, I opened up to him about some things & now, I hate that he knows all this stuff. I look for a reason to lash out at him, why do I do that? He’s just a friend, nothing else but I was betrayed very badly by a male friend once & something is screaming at me, that he can’t be trusted either.
A female friend I’ve recently made, wants to get to know me better, invites me to her house & I just don’t want to go. I don’t want to talk feelings with her, she’s a gossip & I don’t trust at all.
Someone called me “needy” recently & they could have slapped me, I am the complete opposite of it, I will literally do everything on my own (with my dog)
My last boyfriend left me & I have absolutely no desire to find another, eventhough I am incredibly lonely, sometimes even sobbing about it.
A very interesting article

By: Susie la forge

Susie la forge — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 00:22:45 +0000

I’m sure I live through extreme notion of childhood neglect. What greater degree can a child be neglected and to believe your parent mentor does not know that you exist. My mom always told me that I followed her around everywhere she wish I was a child when she was 98 she repeated that to me tournament with the look in her eyes to tell me are you ever going to get what I’m trying to tell you I only had two vision myself following early for few minutes and it all came back to me. I did follow her day every day,. I would stand quietly and watch her work seems I was always stand
Then I remembered what she wanted me to remember when particular da then I remembered what she wanted me to remember . One particular day I was nearly 5 years old I remember standing behind her and my legs hurt from standing I’ve watched and stared at the back of her knee I knew it by heart that’s where I stood and she wash dishes. I remember thinking how bad my legs hurt how much they were tired . Then I remembered why I was standing waiting I didn’t take my mom to do that I exist. I was waiting for her to see me and to be happy and to see Susie what are you doing.
Collect neglect in refusing to knowledge my existence was the first game she played with me. I’m sure though the day she wanted me to remember was that day because I laid my hand on her leg when she set to talk on the phone i’m sure though the day she wanted me to remember was that day because I laid my hand on her leg when she set to talk on the phone . What to get her attention just because I was tired at the second I did that all I remember is her head swirling around in her beet red eyes staring into mine and I saw a monster huge monster hit with red eyes beating down on me and I was so scared I jumped backwards with both feet . I don’t know if it was real or not but it’s really my mind seeing the monster that is remember thinking to myself I just saw her monster. Think that day is when she first got her revelation that I am very stubborn did not satisfy me that monster had seen even after that I start to wait for her to hang up the phone because I feel sure that she would see me. But she didn’t she did as always she turned away from me instead of toward me stepped over it for the kitchen sink back to wash your dishes That’s when I gave up on and I quit following her and the bitch had to say to me aren’t you coming Susie and I remember thinking I don’t care what I do but I’m fol that’s when I give up and the bitch decide to me aren’t you coming Susie and I remember thinking I don’t care what I do But I won’t Follow you. Please feel free to email I got a lot more stories about my monster Sorry I don’t have time to fix my mistakes in this post I hope you understand

By: Charlotta's Web

Charlotta's Web — Thu, 26 Jul 2018 21:16:20 +0000

Hmmm. Read this for myself. Great to rad and I get it but it sounds like my hubby of 22 years not so much like me. Wow. Some of these traits are me, but not so much.
My hubby is fiercely indepedant and will screw up anything before he asks for help. Our life got messy , he’s also very very stubborn. NOT exaggerating. Counseling didn’t work, He’s always fine and right. If I felt attractive, I would have left him by now!! Tough to be attractive when you have been worn down for so many years. It has ages me physically. Sadly, it is this way.

By: Schizoid?

Schizoid? — Tue, 13 Feb 2018 17:02:29 +0000

Dear Dr. Webb, the seven signs you describe in your article about Counter-Dependence remind me a lot of Schizoid Personality Disorder. In your work with clients, did you find a connection between CEN and Schizoid PD?

By: gail

gail — Tue, 30 Jan 2018 19:43:15 +0000

i was raised in a home with my six siblings. my parents divorced when my youngest sibling was a toddler. My mom was not afectionate but she did let us know that she loved us. She didnt care if we went to school or not and she often said if you want it you’ll get it. She was very critical and judgemental with all of us. I think Im ok I’m affectionate and loving with my hisband and kids I see this behavior in my youngest sibling. she does’nt want anyone to do anything for her and she even goes against her nusbvand a lot of the time even telling him I dont need you to do anything for me. I now think this is what she has. Maybe it’s because she was the youngest and my mom who already was’nt the most attentive showed less with her because of what she herself was going through. When I look back I think my mom was dealing with depression from the divorce.

By: DeeDee

DeeDee — Wed, 24 Jan 2018 18:31:37 +0000

In reply to Jonice Webb PhD.

Ah, I see what you mean. Thank you for YOUR clarification of my interpretation.
Though I enjoy reading your posts I’ve never felt compelled to comment before this one.
I’m pleased I did 🙂

By: Jonice Webb PhD

Jonice Webb PhD — Thu, 18 Jan 2018 18:53:10 +0000

In reply to Eda. Hi Eda, unfortunately when people are truly unreliable, the best we can do for ourselves is stop trying to rely on them (just as you did with your parents as a child). You deserve to have reliable and trustworthy people in your life, so maybe you can watch out for some and nurture your relationship with them further. I'm not suggesting this would be an easy or quick process, but it would be worth it.

By: Eda

Eda — Thu, 18 Jan 2018 16:19:04 +0000

I understand that my counterdependence has to do with my unreliable parents but what do I do now as an adult surrounded by yet more unreliable people? I have a hard time asking for help, yes, but even when I do, I hardly ever get it.

By: Jonice Webb PhD

Jonice Webb PhD — Thu, 18 Jan 2018 13:41:10 +0000

In reply to DeeDee. Dear DeeDee, the way you describe yourself does not sound counter-dependent necessarily, but more family-oriented. It seems that you have no problem depending on your family. True counter-dependence doesn't come from the outside, it comes from the messages from one's parents. Your comment is helpful for clarifying what we are really talking about here. Thank you for sharing it!

By: DeeDee

DeeDee — Wed, 17 Jan 2018 22:49:05 +0000

Each of the 7 signs fit me to a tee!
I must say though, I was raised by affectionate, supportive, encouraging and loving parents.
They expressed their love and approval openly with my siblings and me equally. Comparisons were never made between their children. Our individual talents and accomplishments were acknowledged. Our mistakes were met with a saying I still use to this day; “that’s what erasers were made for. You learn from those mistakes and grow from them”.
Where does my counter-dependence come from? My best guess would be my peers and teachers?
I wasn’t very fortunate to meet many good people. I dropped out of attempting to make friends at a very early age because I discovered jealousy, back stabbing and whatnot was prevalent in most people I encountered.
So I stepped off the social grid and became a solitary person.
The very few friends I did acquire I still have to this day. Six in all (well 5 now since one recently passed away 🙁 ).

I’m sharing my own story to show that there can be outside emotional neglect which also can set the stage for counter-dependence later in life.
My parents did share their concerns about my lack of interest in socializing, I openly and honestly told them of my dismay in finding loving people to call friends. I further explained that as long as I had my family I was content and satisfied with my life. Their response to that was a warm hug and their pride in me for not finding it necessary to define my self worth with external social acceptance.
I’m 57 and still psychologically/emotionally happy.

Life can be sucky, why add to that with superficial insincere “friends”?
I can ALWAYS depend on me AND my family’s love. I don’t want or need to be anything other than totally independent. 🙂
My dad calls me a maverick, an independent rebel. I wear that assessment from him with pride 🙂