Comments on: 7 Ways to Face Your Grief and Move Forward

By: JESSICA

JESSICA — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 02:07:20 +0000

I have never completely grieved my great-grandparents, grandparents, and 2 dogs. I didn’t know how at the time. I grew up learning you don’t cry. Never cry. Never be vulnerable. I just lost my husband of 16 years. But that last one is perplexing. He is alive, but I just divorced him after learning he is a pedophile and has been living a horrid double life the entire time. He is now in jail–as of today, actually–and I shall never see him again. I don’t want to see him, ever. The person I learned about after his arrest is not at all the person I thought I was married to. How do you mourn the loss of a person who is alive in body, but who ceases to exist as a concept? I don’t know if that makes sense, but I’m trying to process it all. We have a child, and I have to keep myself together for her. And our child is not talking about him at all, so I don’t know how to help her, because I don’t even know what she needs. I don’t want to pass on CEN to her, since it goes back as many generations in my family as we have family stories and journals of.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 22:00:05 +0000

In reply to Inge. Dear Inge, your question is fine! Perhaps your stumbling block is not autism or grief, but your ability to believe that you're good enough. Maybe you can start there. Please do see a therapist for help too if you need it.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 21:54:48 +0000

In reply to Cheryl. Dear Cheryl, what an inspiring story you have shared. You did what you needed to do, and it worked. Clearly you didn't need to schedule your grief! It's only a suggestion for folks who are avoiding it and running from it. It forces you to sit down and let yourself feel it for a brief time.

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 01:05:18 +0000

I wanted to respond to this article because of how many years it took me to live fully after the loss of my first child. She was born on Christmas Eve and died on Christmas Day and it took me years into the lives of my two children, born 3 and 6 years later, to stop collapsing my life in October and getting up in February. For years, the sunshine hurt my eyes and I couldn’t stand bright clothing. I know it is true that the only way out of such grief is THROUGH. When I stopped delaying, avoiding and pretending I was over the loss, and finally grieved through, it was as if not a day had passed. Then when I did grieve and get help, I healed. Your article is right on, except I still don’t know how one can “schedule” grieving. I just let it be and now I have processed and can live and feel the sunshine again.

By: Ellen

Ellen — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 22:02:20 +0000

In reply to Jonice. Yesss! :) Thank you - seen it, but good reminder - I’ll watch it again!

By: Inge

Inge — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 16:10:41 +0000

I was wondering if having autistic traits and/ or ad(h)d can make the process of grieving more difficult? I lost my much beloved grandparents in ’10 and ’14, but I haven’t cried, grieved or come to terms with them being gone. It’s like they are on an insanely long holidaytrip – (in my head). They were very loving and better caregivers than my parents, but at the same time they also gave me the feeling of having to do very good in studies and get a great job. Which is all well and good, but it left me with the feeling of never being good enough, even when they praised me. Today, life is far from what they (or I) had hoped. And I blame myself. I have been dealing with depression for 10 years or so. I realise that autism and adhd is not your main area. Sorry if my question is inapropriate. Female, 29yo
Btw I love recieving your newsletters!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 15:30:29 +0000

In reply to Oset Ellen. Dear Oset, you don't necessarily need years at all. Chances are high that opening your heart is scary because it does make you vulnerable. Please watch Brene Brown's Ted Talk on vulnerability. It's on YouTube.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 15:29:16 +0000

In reply to Kelly Hodges. Dear Kelly, it's good that you understand the problem. You sound like someone who will take the steps necessary to heal.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 15:28:31 +0000

In reply to Meesha. Dear Meesha, grief happens at different levels and at different times. It's OK to grieve your sister some more now. I'm very sorry you were so alone with your loss as a child. Please call a therapist on the Find A CEN Therapist List to talk about this.

By: Kimball

Kimball — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 14:18:07 +0000

In reply to Ishtar. Wow, Ishtar. Thank you for sharing your current journey and a little of where you've been. Such courage is difficult. As Dr. Webb said, you are not alone. There are many who would love to support you and be with you in this current challenge. Try to take each day one day at a time. What can you do right now to acknowledge your feelings, to validate how you feel, to share it with someone, to show yourself compassion for the pain of your journey so far? You are braver than you think, and you have a Father that loves you as his dear and precious child. You can learn still to accept and process your grief, but you must work and connect with someone around you. It can be very difficult, but see if you can find a grief ritual around where you live. These can bring huge breakthroughs emotionally and spiritually. My prayers are with you. Namaste.