Comments on: Big Boys Don’t Cry: The Emotionally Neglected Man

By: John

John — Tue, 16 Nov 2021 08:18:55 +0000

Thanks Jonice,

As has become my pattern I’m afraid I don’t come into your pages or closed Facebook group often.

I am very much a CEN man and two or three subtle experriences helped to intensify this.
1) A complex grief response to the death of an infant sister and then brother when I was about five.
2) Growing up from the age of 10 in Rhodesia now Zimbabwe after my parents emigrated there in search of sun from smoggy Liverpool, England.
3) Finding the love of my life with a girl who could not have children and then she eventually became alcoholic as I understand this floored by the general children focus of females around her. I could not handle the recovery/regression up and down life after 10 years of trying and divorced.

It becomes a long story but finding your work has been a turning point for me — but remains daily hard self-motivated work.

Maybe my ongoing work is to do something on CEN responses in the midst of post-world war/post colonial/post-liberation euphoria complexities in Africa.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 15 Nov 2021 16:01:54 +0000

In reply to Nan. Dear Nan, no need to hope for a breakthrough. Just keep taking one step forward at a time, as that is how real progress is made. Most genuine growth happens slowly and quietly, no big breakthrough involved.

By: Nan

Nan — Mon, 15 Nov 2021 02:45:53 +0000

In reply to Jonice. Thanks. It's at least good to know that I am doing everything I can, i.e. the ideas you mentioned. It helps me feel less guilty. I hope and pray for an eventual breakthrough.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Thu, 11 Nov 2021 14:00:33 +0000

In reply to Jeff. My deepest apologies to you, Jeff, and to all other gay men and women who encounter this kind of societal neglect so very often. The last thing I want is to make you feel neglected in any way! I have switched to using the word "partner" much more often in my writing, and your message will keep me freshly mindful of that. Please know you are in my mind as I write every bit as much as anyone else.

By: Stephen

Stephen — Thu, 11 Nov 2021 07:01:54 +0000

Very accurate, I would sit and meditate on how to not have emotions as a kid because they were a weakness back then. If I were vulnerable to my parents, it could be used against me. I became like a robot; never smiling, crying or being angry or excited or anything, I was just a listless zombie. Then I got more depressed because people just assumed that’s how I was inherently. I also suspect I may be on the spectrum and have difficulty with emotions anyway. So I was never expected to show emotions and it was kind of a joke that I was like Eeyore from Pooh and I was mocked at school as the “kid without a personality”. My parents called me the “one word man”. The only emotion I saw from my Dad was extreme anger or crying at commercials, and I hated his outbursts so much that so I refused to show anger, so then I had no outlet, so I turned further inward into depression and drugs and still no one noticed…

By: Jeff

Jeff — Thu, 11 Nov 2021 01:31:55 +0000

The article / story mentions his wife. So as a gay man do I stop reading this? Interesting how being overlooked and unseen is mentioned as a common occurrence. So common that I felt it reading this article about the emotionally neglected man, and I am one.
I hope this example resonates because growing up gay is the epitome emotional neglect. And that’s just living in society in general. Add the emotional neglect that is felt in their own families, schools, workplaces, etc. and you have emotional neglect on steroids.
I have not read one article or story where you recognize this.
So the emptiness and invisibility just keeps perpetuating.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Wed, 10 Nov 2021 14:46:50 +0000

In reply to Marley. Dear Marley, that's very normal and common. There is a lot of crossover between the genders!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Wed, 10 Nov 2021 14:46:02 +0000

In reply to Liu. Dear Liu, I'm so glad to be helpful! Did you know that Running On Empty is available in two forms of Chinese?

By: Jonice

Jonice — Wed, 10 Nov 2021 14:45:16 +0000

In reply to Shaun. Well-said, Shaun, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sure many will identify with your description.

By: Marley

Marley — Tue, 09 Nov 2021 17:00:14 +0000

What if I’m a woman and I see myself in these words?