Comments on: Childhood Emotional Neglect: How Marriages Go Wrong When Both Partners Have It

By: Becky

Becky — Sun, 02 Nov 2025 20:01:49 +0000

Just read your book, recommended by my therapist. OMG. Huge affect I have ordered the next one. My husband and I both are CEN, as evidenced by his behavior, not any stories he has told. I am a poster child for CEN. I do not know how effective I’ll be but I will work as hard as I can on myself, and attempt to get him on board. He has a diagnosis of Pulmonary Fibrosis with about 4-5 years, and he is going through some denial and lashing out. This is going to be really hard, but your book is going to be a big help. Thank you

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Wed, 15 Dec 2021 10:01:22 +0000

Emotional intimacy with self…
How to do it?

By: Carol

Carol — Mon, 06 Dec 2021 01:13:33 +0000

This is good therapy and needed in our broken world to heal, reconcile and allow people to love and care for each other in a new way!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 29 Dec 2020 22:58:46 +0000

In reply to Bill. Dear Bill, that is quite a dilemma. I suggest that instead of making any overall comments about barriers, you bring up individual situations where you feel blocked; keep it to specific situations in which you talk about your own feelings instead of hers. If this gets nowhere, definitely see a CEN therapist from the list on this site. It's usually the case that as one partner changes, the other must change too.

By: Bill

Bill — Tue, 29 Dec 2020 02:26:11 +0000

I realize that I come from a family where CEN ran deep. I’ve come to terms with it and am working on myself. My wife has also pointed out the obvious CEN issues in my childhood, and was kind enough to introduce me to your work. What I don’t think she realizes is that she also suffers from CEN. And our double wide barrier makes it very difficult to break through. I am doing the work on myself, but nothing I do ultimately gets through the emotional barrier I feel from her at this point.

So my question is, how do you get your spouse to realize they also suffer from some form of emotional issues, even if they’re “good at emotions.” I fear that if I bring this up, she will assume it’s a deflection from my own work, and she’ll essentially say I’m blaming our issues on her. That isn’t it at all, it’s just that I know that, no matter what I do, I can only work on myself, and I cannot break down her barriers. She doesn’t want to go to counseling with me, because she sees the problems as mine to fix. How do I move forward?

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 14 Dec 2020 21:07:36 +0000

In reply to Nikki. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Nikki. I'm so glad you're finding answers and help through my work.

By: Nikki

Nikki — Mon, 14 Dec 2020 16:37:23 +0000

It’s so helpful to just read this – as with everything you’ve written on CEN Dr Jonice. I love my husband very very much – I think he loves me – I have to read his very subtle signs to know. I think both he and I have CEN. I have two loving parents – still happily married who do very well with their own CEN. Overall I’m a person very much in touch with my emotions – but I do still have blind spots. I have that thing where I automatically assume that others are better / more important than me. I struggle with confidence and having the courage to be visible. I think that could be linked to my Dad stonewalling me if we ever got into arguments when I was a child / teenager. It’s like I wasn’t worth listening too & that it was wrong of me to feel upset or angry. My Mum used to say ‘you’re both as bad as each other’ which now – looking back feels pretty unfair given that I was the child in the situation. Maybe her own CEN at work there. Both my parents ran a shop when I was a teenager too – I realised they were so stressed & burnt out with it that I shouldn’t add to their burden so I learned to become that independent person who struggles to ask anyone for help. I must have internalised that some (not all) of my opinions and feelings were wrong and not allowed – more than that they must have been offensive by the way my dad sometimes wouldn’t speak to me for days or weeks. He was very unpredictable too – sometimes he was fine & other times it was like walking on eggshells. My husband replicates a lot of how my Dad used to be (My dad has actually worked on himself and is much better these days – incredible given that he had an emotionally abusive childhood). My husband has admitted that talking through difficult feelings makes him feel physically sick – he admits he’s learned to take the path of least resistance which for him means ignoring me, shutting me out, then resorting to very angry verbal outbursts if pressed further. I have said time and time again that I have major issues with being ignored due to my childhood & it’s taken us huge work to get to a point where he can even begin to see that that is a negative pattern for us. I have pointed out some of your articles to him Dr Jonice and they resonate with him. His Dad had a lot of issues too – my husband feels very let down by both of his parents, they are the type you have described before who don’t really seem to know him or ‘get’ him. He describes his Dad’s interest in his life & our children as seeming like that of a casual aquaintence – not a loving father or grandfather. I think there’s a long road ahead of us in terms of getting to a place where we both connect on a healthy emotional level – but the tiny seeds are there since my husband & I both now have an awareness of what causes our distance. Since I’ve found your work Dr Jonice I feel we can have a happy future together – eventually. Thank you endlessly for that xx

By: SABASTIAN

SABASTIAN — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 09:49:37 +0000

very informative and truly speaking enlighten the soul. currently it is something I feel me and my wife we are going through and yet she will be moving out of the family house. I played a part because I am unable to express my emotions. I have been doing my research around such topics. I will seek help for myself, as for the divorce we shall see what happens.

thanks for the information. will keep reading.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 21:15:21 +0000

In reply to Kim. Dear Kim, I'm so sorry you went through all of this. I urge you and your partner to start reconnecting with your inner selves and reclaiming your feelings. Once you do some of that work, you can start using those feelings to connect with each other. It's a process of healing that many couples have followed successfully.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 21:11:12 +0000

In reply to zeeky. Dear Zeeky, CPTSD, by definition, involves trauma. Pure CEN in its purest form is more of an everyday drumbeat of the absence of an essential ingredient. It can become abuse if it crosses certain lines, and it sets people up to be more vulnerable when traumatic events occur in their lives. Many therapists treat trauma very well but then miss the CEN effects, which can be quite invisible and hidden by the PtSD effects. I hope this answers your questions.