Comments on: Childhood Emotional Neglect: Man vs. Woman

By: Karen

Karen — Fri, 29 Apr 2022 03:00:42 +0000

OMG! I think I have had all the Characteristics of both genders at various times in my life! While I am a straight female, I’ve always enjoyed building things and being outside. (Anything to get away from my abusive mother!) I followed my Dad like a puppy and he taught me how to use power tools to build things. My mother was scary, cruel, spiteful and hateful. I think I figured out she was types 2, 4, 6 and 10 all mixed up. I think I would be a total robot if not for my older sister who was 12 when I was born. Dad didn’t allow any negative emotions and mom didn’t allow anything that even came close to happiness. The younger of my two brothers died when I was 7 and mom let me know quite clearly that she wished it had been me instead of him. She was either deeply depressed or vicously angry and I never knew which until it was too late. She could change from one to the other in a nanosecond. I only recently realized that for 55 years I have been looking for my mom to actually acknowledge that I have the right to exist and she’s been dead for 32 years. Now, I need to fix me and help my two adult children who still don’t understand where the truck with CEN on the grill came from that hit them, too. I got my husband to listen to “Running on Empty” and he realized he suffered from some himself, but his parents were really nice and it wasn’t their fault, just struggling to survive. Thank you so much for your books! I knew I had experienced lots of crazy stuff growing up, but now I know why I would rather nearly die, than ask for help with anything. It was never a good idea to ask my mother for anything. Hey, at least I learned how to cook eggs and open tin cans when I was 4 years old!

By: Jen

Jen — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 20:50:35 +0000

In reply to Jane. Jane, I could have written your message because I have am in the same position with the exact same questions. I came here looking for answers, but can't seem to find them. I see your post is several years old... wishing you well.

By: Gábor

Gábor — Thu, 02 Dec 2021 18:02:56 +0000

In reply to Jonice Webb. Dear Jonice if it's you thank you for the book! I still have reading to do since it destabilizes me hard everytime I read a section. And I agree, emotional perfectionism and the inability to identify emotions are the most debilitating aspect of emotional neglect. Being angry at myself for feeling something, even positive stuff. Once, I uploaded an owl photo I managed to shoot to Facebook, and got this superintense feeling. I needed 10 minutes and to google a "body emotional map" to figure out I was feeling proud! Thank you for everything again!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 22 Aug 2021 23:05:45 +0000

In reply to Gary. Dear Gary, it's very normal to feel no grief when a harmful person passes away, no matter what your relationship is with them. I encourage you to stop second-guessing your feelings and begin to value them more. That's the start of healing and it is never too late!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 22 Aug 2021 23:04:26 +0000

In reply to Richard. So true, thank you for sharing, Richard. You seem like someone who has a lot to offer. I hope you find the healthy and happy relationship you deserve.

By: Kristen

Kristen — Wed, 18 Aug 2021 00:15:16 +0000

I also identify with all the male characteristics! Interesting…

By: Gary

Gary — Tue, 17 Aug 2021 19:39:26 +0000

Today I realized that I don’t feel what others feel. My ex wife’s cousin died last week. The woman was very controlling and shut out my ex and my children for 30 years. And I listened to my ex complain all that time. So when she died, I said, “oh well….”
But a week later, I get pictures from my daughters of the reception for her or memorial. And I don’t understand. How can someone treat you badly all your life, and you complain about it, and then miss them when they’re gone? And my daughters were right there in the middle of it all. I’m glad they’re there.
At least it means they can feel some thing. But I don’t feel the thing. And when my cousin Bob died, I said, “good!” He terrorized me for years. Why would I cry about that? And then I realize again how my life has been robbed a feeling of love. I get little pieces of it sometimes from my daughters. They are very loving, but usually I just don’t take it seriously
And I get confused from it and turn to alcohol or drugs. I really don’t understand, or feel. All I feel now is sad. I’m 69 years old and I’m not really prepared to change my life at this point.

By: Richard

Richard — Tue, 17 Aug 2021 19:16:12 +0000

I fit in almost completely with the women’s characteristics of CEN. I am not ashamed or embarassed by this because in my life I have always respected and liked women more than men so it is comforting to know that from a CEN perspective I see things more from a womanly point of view. Although I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay or transgender I am neither of these things and I am physically attracted to women rather than men. Although I have been very unhappy in love I have many very happy friendships with women and very good professional relationships with them in the workplace. I think part of this is that they know that, despite my many faults, I will not disrespect boundaries and make a move on them. I think all of this shows what a wonderfully complicated and fascinating field the world of psychology and relationships is. It is worth remembering that none of us, in terms of hormones is completely male or female anyway. Vive le difference!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 13:01:24 +0000

In reply to Olivia. Dear Olivia, astute observation. Yes, I do think so. But I also think many have experienced trauma, outright rejection, abuse. They probably also have a brain anomaly of some sort as well. So CEN would be just a piece of the full puzzle. And none of this excuses their monstrous actions, of course.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 12:59:59 +0000

In reply to NancyAnne. Hi NancyAnne, no I don't have a list like that. CEN is an individualized experience and it's not methodical or specific like that. I encourage you to just sort out your own characteristics as they are uniquely yours.