Comments on: CEN Sharing Page

By: BethAnn

BethAnn — Tue, 24 Feb 2026 05:59:23 +0000

Hi everyone,
I’m 37, and when it comes to therapy, I feel like a lifer.
I’ve been in and out of therapy since I left home in 2006 to go away to college. Before that, my dad wanted me to get a job and stay close to home, and I was doing everything I could to get out as fast as possible. I grew up fed, clothed, and with a warm bed every night, so from the outside things looked “fine,” but there was a lot happening underneath the surface that I didn’t have words for at the time.
My mom is intellectually challenged and reads/comprehends at an elementary school level. My dad is a workaholic and has always been the type to keep moving, keep working, and not really slow down. My younger sister (2 years younger) is also intellectually challenged, but she is higher functioning than my mom, she can work, manage medical appointments, and handle a lot on her own. She has two beautiful girls, and I would do absolutely anything for them.
Over the past several years, I isolated again, stopped taking my depression meds, and found myself right back in that familiar place of, “Okay, here we go again… let’s find a therapist I can stomach and not feel like I want to jump out of my skin with.” This time, I also reached out to a psychiatrist because I’ve been on depression meds since I was 18, and very few seem to help the way they used to. It’s exhausting when something that used to keep you afloat stops working.
My story is long, and I’m sure parts of it will be relatable to some people here. But even after 15 years of on-and-off group therapy, I still feel alone and not good enough at my core. “Complex” doesn’t even begin to explain what it feels like to live inside the tangled mess of my own thoughts. Some days it feels like I’m trying to sort through years of emotions with my hands tied behind my back.
I left college in 2009 to move back home when my younger sister got pregnant with my oldest niece. I was a junior, barely passing, and coming off academic probation. I drank a lot in college… maybe to numb things, maybe to feel happy, maybe both. I was always a happy drunk, which made it easier to ignore how much I was actually struggling.
When I moved home, I helped raise my niece because my sister needed me. Her father wasn’t around much in the beginning, and for a while friends, coworkers, and even strangers thought my niece was my daughter because she was with me so often. I was the one showing up, helping, carrying the weight, and doing what needed to be done. Over time, her father came back into the picture. He also has intellectual disabilities.
I stayed close to home and worked one meaningless job after another. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, some of those jobs taught me a lot, and I genuinely enjoyed parts of them, but for a long time I felt like I was just surviving, clocking in, clocking out, and trying not to think too hard about my life. Still, those jobs were stepping stones to where I am now. In my last three jobs, I’ve been in upper and senior leadership roles, which is something I’m proud of even if I don’t always let myself fully feel that.
My first relationship was physically and mentally abusive. After 6 years, I finally got the courage to leave, and that took more out of me than I can even explain. My second relationship was with an alcoholic, and I married her after a year. It wasn’t physically abusive, but it was emotionally exhausting and draining in a totally different way. I thought I could fix her, save her, love her enough to make things better, and of course I fell right back into my role as the people-pleaser/caregiver. After she got sober and I worked through my own program, we grew apart and divorced.
After that, I bounced from person to person and could never really commit. I think part of me was chasing connection, and another part of me was terrified of it. Then I lived alone for 5 years and honestly loved the solitude, peace, and quiet. For the first time in a long time, my space felt calm. No chaos. No constant emotional pull. Just silence, and room to breathe.
When COVID hit, my group therapy went virtual. I hated it through a screen. It felt disconnected, flat, and nothing like being in the room with people. Eventually I stepped away from it, and since then I’ve been slowly crawling my way back. “Crawling” is the best word for it, because it has not felt graceful or easy.
Shortly before COVID restrictions ended, I met a wonderful woman on TikTok. We talked for hours on the phone, met in person, dated a few months, and now 4.5 years later we’re engaged. She’s a mental health professional, and she’s the first person who has really been able to peek over my walls and stay there. She’s always, actively, lovingly trying to get past them, even when I shut down or pull back.
After some hard conversations, and a few weeks of really sitting in my own thoughts, I decided it was time for change again. Not just talking about change, not just thinking about it but actually doing something.
I think I’ve come to the realization in the last 48 hours that I may have CPTSD and CEN (childhood emotional neglect). I’m not 100% sure what exactly led me there, maybe a mental health article, maybe someone sharing their story on social media, but something clicked in a way I can’t really explain. It felt like pieces I’ve been carrying for years suddenly started lining up. I listened to Running on Empty in one sitting, and I’m actively listening to the second book now.
My story is long, and I’m still processing a lot of it. But I’m here, I’m trying, and for the first time in a while, I feel like I might finally be looking at the right things.
I don’t know if there are support groups or chat rooms for CEN but if anyone knows of any, that be great information!

By: Ramona

Ramona — Sat, 21 Feb 2026 12:52:15 +0000

In reply to Louise. this sounds very interesting to me. i have suffered chronic back pain since i was 15. when i turned 30 my left shoulder and neck started hurting as well. now i feel pain everywhere everyday. i also wonder if it has to do with so much unresolved issues with my bringing up.

By: Ramona

Ramona — Sat, 21 Feb 2026 12:28:11 +0000

In reply to Alistair Maclaurin.

Hello Alistair.
I am 42 years old and I also went through the same situation. kinda. i had what I needed. Food, home, clothes. nothing fancy. more on the poor side to be honest.
“And no one said they loved me.
No one said it will be alright.
No one hugged me.
No one picked me up when I fell.
No one was interested in what I wanted.
No one asked me what I thought.
No one listened to me.
No one said I was good at anything.
No one said well done.
No one said, yes have a go.
No one!”
when you said this, i felt it.
what confuses me the most and causes the most pain is NOT understanding why only me.
i hace 5 brothers and 3 sisters and out of the 9 of us, i was the only one being so negleted and ignored. now i understand i was the scape-goat but i still dont fully understand why only me.
i have two grown sons. 25 and 24 years old and i sure as heck tried to never make one feel less important than the other.
know you are loved more than you know.

By: Shelli

Shelli — Mon, 02 Feb 2026 00:39:25 +0000

I learned about CEN about 3 years ago and everything in my childhood started making sense. It also has helped me to understand all the fears I have: of abandonment, rejection, and conflict/confrontation.

I am part of the CEN group that is a product of a generational neglect. I also am a highly sensitive person who gets easily overwhelmed and never felt seen or understood by my mom. Logically I know that my mom couldn’t be a parent who provided emotional understanding and guidance because its hard to do what you’ve never seen or felt.

One of my biggest struggles for me is having self-compassion and developing self-worth. One of my survival strategies as a child was to become an obsessive people-pleaser. It is very hard to stop when your whole life you learned that the only way to feel worthy, valued, accepted was to forget about what you liked, wanted, or needed.

My therapist and I are using Internal Family System therapy (IFS), and I find that it make the most sense to me. There are “parts” inside my life that are wounded/exiled, or try to manage/protect, or rush in to protect often in unhealthy ways such as addiction. For me this has been binge eating. It is not easy and takes a long time but I do think it will be the best way for me to be better.
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By: Kay

Kay — Tue, 27 Jan 2026 19:18:35 +0000

In reply to Leticia. I experience the same with my parents - I don’t feel the love, and feel guilty about that.

By: Flora

Flora — Thu, 11 Dec 2025 02:49:28 +0000

Where can I find your change sheets?

By: Angela

Angela — Mon, 27 Oct 2025 19:03:47 +0000

In reply to Liz.

Liz, I have same issues but I have not drawn the line , mainly because I know I couldn’t deal with the abandonment by my mother , as has happened to my sister
But just knowing that I wasn’t the one to blame has helped enormously and I can learn to love the person I have become in spite of having a narcissistic mother , drawing emotional boundaries about what I am prepared to listen to from her even if I don’t challenge her has been a great help
Good luck in your relationship

By: anonymous

anonymous — Sun, 26 Oct 2025 18:55:07 +0000

Have never been very confident and I don’t have a very good solid sense of who I am, hence feeling lost. I do have trust issues too. My parents were both narcissist. My mom also was depressed. In addition she had addiction issues, and at times a manipulator My mom projected much of her anger on me. All the way to the end of her life. She would talk about me behind my back to some of the aids that helped her where she lived. Some believed her others didn’t, but it still bothered me. I did the best I could for them. My brother had died several years back so it was only me. My husband helped some too.

By: Leticia

Leticia — Fri, 24 Oct 2025 22:38:59 +0000

Hello Dr. Webb
I have been struggling with CEN all my life. I read both your books and they have helped me tremendously. One thing I am having a hard time with is feeling love for others. I have been married for 32 years and my husband often tells me he loves me. When he says that I don’t know what to say. I do say I love him back, but I don’t feel it.
I feel the same for my friends. I feel numb with feelings and expressing emotions.

By: Janet

Janet — Thu, 23 Oct 2025 20:24:17 +0000

A few years ago, I just happened to discover your CEN website. Thanks for this information.
I grew up with a dad who has a reserved personality and who traveled alot. My mom favored my younger brother, partly because he had medical issues. A few years ago, my mom admitted that I did not get the attention that I needed as I was growing up. WOW! I was feeling under valued all of my life and to have my mom admit that I lacked genuine caring was such a revelation! I now knew that my feelings were validated! No apology was given but at least she verbalized her lack of parenting skills. Now at age 70, I struggle with feeling alone, not knowing what to do with the years I have left. I have weekly counseling.
Thanks for your website.