Comments on: Emotional Neglect and Emotional Deprivation are Not the Same

By: Jamilah

Jamilah — Thu, 26 May 2022 23:27:11 +0000

Hi Jonice!

This was so eye-opening. I am an IB student who is writing an extended essay on emotional deprivation in infants, but after seeing this I rethought my whole thesis! Do you have any recommendations on sources in which I can research further into this topic? I am so interested in learning about how emotional deprivation (as well as emotional neglect) affect’s one’s cognitive development.

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 01 Dec 2021 05:15:58 +0000

Hi Jonice,
I just read your first book and it was really eye opening. I would say I exhibited all of the attributes on your test very strongly well into my 20s. It was impossible to live that alone. It wreaked havoc on my life and others as well. I didn’t understand myself at all, but I’ve done a lot of work on the symptoms over the last 25 years and now I’d say I retain about four of the attributes pretty strongly. I had never heard of emotional neglect until your book. Last year I learned that my mom is high functioning autistic which has explained a lot and led me to your book. My dad was always working and typically distant, but on occasion I got some connection from him, but never from my mom. They took very good care of us physically though. And my brother was very important to my developing connection but he died when I was 17 which was its own struggle and overshadowed everything else about my life until recently. The parts that still plague me are a lack of trust for virtually anyone and ridiculous standards for myself. I struggle most at this point staying in jobs…and it’s always me that quits because I don’t feel good enough when the bosses always want me to stay. I know I’ve come very far though. I’ve been married for 15 years. I have two kids which really blew open my desire to learn how to connect. It’s coming, but I can tell they would prefer to talk with dad about real things, like I make it awkward or don’t relate as well…but I’m trying and I know they know that. Thanks for all of your work. It’s very helpful for me to know where things come from so I can see that I didn’t make them up and I can try to change them.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Thu, 24 Sep 2020 20:32:17 +0000

In reply to Lisa. Dear Lisa, I encourage you to read my second book Running On Empty No More and also contact a therapist from the CEN Therapist list on this site. You deserve to feel loved and should not settle for less.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sun, 20 Sep 2020 08:42:47 +0000

Hello. I am involved with a man who has said that his mother (who his a therapist) feels guilty because she knows that she neglected him as a child due to having a very difficult brother. As a result, he says he does not “have it in him” to feel in love. This is confusing as when he is calm and happy he is the most loving man I have ever known. But when he is stressed he completely shuts down and falls back on this idea that he cannot love him romantically. Can you give me some idea of how to gently, slowly guide him toward opening to his own emotional capabilities? Or shall I just give up. I adore him, but do not really know what to do.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Thu, 23 Jul 2020 23:18:11 +0000

In reply to Linda. Dear Linda, never give up. Healing your CEN will happen in steps. It can be so gradual that you can barely perceive it happening. I hope you are actively working on it because you deserve to be happy and fulfilled.

By: Linda

Linda — Wed, 22 Jul 2020 19:42:24 +0000

This article about passive and active CEN was eye opening. Yes the passive was there but the active was what I really remember, mostly from my siblings. Youngest of 4 in an alcoholic home, I guess we all just tried to survive. But now at 63 – 73 it is all the same. That’s why I’ve had to just stay away, too toxic. But I’m the sicko & the loony because I developed severe major depression & they are all “ok”. I’ve worked long and hard on me and can see I’ve still have a ways to go. It didn’t help being married to a man who was an even worse active EMOTIONAL NEGLECTOR for 35 years. I just want to give up but I can’t; I’ve made promises. But a lot of times it’s one day or one hour at a time.
Thank you

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 21 Jul 2020 18:27:35 +0000

In reply to Danielle Bernock. Dear Danielle, I'm so glad you've stopped invalidating yourself. You are a great example to others of what is possible.

By: Danielle Bernock

Danielle Bernock — Tue, 21 Jul 2020 14:10:08 +0000

Wow, Wow, Wow, Wow!
This explains why I had such a hard time owning the truth of CEN in my life. I looked at it as CED and invalidated myself.

Thank you for making it your mission for people to know this and to know they can be healed. It is part of my mission too.
In fact, your line “the effects of emotional neglect can be reversed by purposely making a decision to treat yourself as if you matter.” is precisely what I teach. It’s the core message of my newest book Because You Matter: How to Take Ownership of Your Life So You Can Really Live.

THANK YOU Dr Jonice for your work!!!!!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 19 Jul 2020 23:49:47 +0000

In reply to Barbara. Dear Barbara, yes abuse and physical neglect can definitely be present also! And I completely understand why the CEN might cause the most damage. I'm so sorry you had to endure so much mistreatment.

By: Barbara

Barbara — Sun, 19 Jul 2020 19:30:54 +0000

I think that I lived through a rather severe childhood of emotional (and other) neglect. Something you don’t mention directly is that there can be physical abuse and physical neglect that is present also. My point, here, is that I believe that, despite those events, the emotional neglect caused the most damage in my case–although there may have been deprivation as well.