Comments on: Everyday Struggle of a Notorious People Pleaser

By: Cecilly

Cecilly — Wed, 23 Feb 2022 17:53:22 +0000

I must have had this experience 1000 times! thank you!

By: Marj

Marj — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 02:50:42 +0000

Thank you so much for this story, I utterly relate to it since I’ m most of the time confused why I can’t enjoy moments that brings me happiness when I feel that the other person or some of my friends are not enjoying the moment or situation as much as I do. It’s so hard to tune in with my feelings particularly when I’m are currently in that moment, I more tend to beat myself up or nag myself for having that kind of feeling. Reading this article, encouraged me to try to practice tuning in to my emotions. Thank you and continue being a blessing to others.

By: Charlotte

Charlotte — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 15:57:17 +0000

In reply to Jonice. I too have read articles/watched videos about people pleasing being about controlling other's perceptions of you which I relate to. Although I care for my friends and family's best interests I don't think I 'people please' with them, but I find it hard to say no or be assertive with people (especially people I'm not close to) because I'm worried about their perception. Would be great to see an article about that!

By: Amy

Amy — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 14:42:06 +0000

This subject is very timely for me. I’m in the middle of figuring out how to break things off with my boyfriend. We’ve been together a long time (9 years), and have a 7 year old son together. I’m just not in love with him anymore, and I (finally) told him around Thanksgiving that I wasn’t happy. He’s now begging me to work on things, he’s on his best behavior now, but I’m feeling it’s too little too late. However, I’m having a really hard time being honest with him, for fear of hurting his feelings. I try to phrase things in the kindest way possible, but I fear it’s just making me sound vague and unsure. He knows something is wrong, because I say one thing, but act in another way. How can I get the courage to be honest and just tell him I don’t want to be with him anymore? I don’t want to hurt him but I can’t keep living like this.

By: lisa

lisa — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 00:08:47 +0000

Wow so powerful! Hope I can apply this next time Im stuck in such a situation. I’m a compulsive people pleaser by far and I could so imagine this scenario happening to me.
I pick up everyones emotions in the room in seconds, and my moods go up and down accordingly. It can be so difficlut living such a life. To everyone Im Mrs Nice but my insides are crying for tender love and care whilst I constantly please others and make sure others are happy and comfortable.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 29 Dec 2020 22:47:01 +0000

In reply to Ann Marie. Hi Ann Marie, it seems you are talking about something different than I am in the article. People who manage appearances are not necessarily people pleasers at all. They are concerned with themselves, and hiding flaws and problems. People pleasers put other people's needs before their own and have difficulty acknowledging and expressing and prioritizing their own needs. It's not about appearances.

By: Ann Marie

Ann Marie — Mon, 28 Dec 2020 19:42:00 +0000

I have noticed many people whom say they are people pleasers are truly not. For instance they may care more to please their friends but not their family. They may tend to please a familiar face such as someone behind a counter they frequent but is technically still a stranger versus someone they have a relationship with. They rarely apply the pleasing to every category of people in their life. Some are more concerned with how the outside world views them than the people they spend time with behind closed doors. So it’s more about perception and appearances than actual pleasing of the people in their close relationships. The rules and regulations they put on the people they are close to such as family, partners, significant others rarely apply to friends or familiar strangers, neighbors. But they go out of their way to please them. Have you ever encountered this?

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 28 Dec 2020 13:19:36 +0000

In reply to Brian. Dear Brian, it's time to start paying more attention to yourself. Especially your feelings and what makes you happy, sad, tired, hurt, angry, and every other feeling. You are after all responsible for pleasing yourself and caring for yourself first.

By: Brian

Brian — Sun, 27 Dec 2020 23:36:29 +0000

I thought that the story was very complex, but then I am not good at recognizing my feelings, when I feel ill at ease; I am unable to connect with the origin of my unpleasant feeling and so I do not see that the reason for my unpleasant feeling is rooted in my past experience. I tend to be a people pleaser also and I am reluctant to put my needs first or at least on an equal basis with others.

By: Elaine

Elaine — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 07:41:54 +0000

Thanks so much for this, I can see my own patterns here. People pleasing, avoiding conflict, self blame..
I feel my kids have picked up on this now ( teenagers) and are making my life miserable. Trying to make everybody happy at great personal cost, feeling empty especially as toxic teenagers are progressively behaving in a way that I see as selfish, but who knows, maybe they ate healthier than me!