Dear Olliesmom,
I was raised with a ‘victorian era mother”. So experienced a certain amount of CEN particularly as a child.
As I grew up, I was always complexed by my mother as a person. I was always giving to others just as you do. After a broken marriage and in a second relationship with a beautiful daughter, I started to ask questions of myself. Like you, always giving out and not getting much in return. I realised that I was a loving, caring, giving person and I deserved to be loved .
That has been a huge healing step for me. I wonder if you feel that way about yourself?
I love Jonice’s beautiful explanations about CEN. You explain yourself really well in your comments, so now you need to see you are worth more than “being dumped on”!
I wish the best for you and for you to buy out time in your life and seek the healing and change that wull make you happier and feel more fulfilled. Find love for yourself

Interesting, thank you Shane. Yes, when emotions aren’t handled in a healthy way, they certainly hurt people in various ways.

Dear Chrissy, I’m so sorry you experienced such invalidation. It’s not surprising that you feel invisible, but I assure you that you are not! I encourage you to pay attention to your feelings and start trying to understand them. It’s the path to healing. And when you can begin to see yourself better, others will see you better as well.

Thank you, Jonice, that is very kind and comforting.. I hope one day soon I will feel that way.

You both matter! Trust me, you do. It’s childhood programming that makes you have to struggle to see it.

Hi Sharon, sorry to hear this. I too experienced emotional neglect. My parents didnt set out to do it deliberately, but they were exhausted from working all the time and had been raised by emotionally ignorant parents themselves. Interestingly, i too felt at times that there was a hole near my heart. Unconsciously, my life was a pursuit to fill this hole. For years, i tried to fill it with things that I thought would work but didnt – work success, status, doing ‘cool’ things, adventures. There is a concept in Buddhism called ‘hungry ghosts’ which describes people who are starving, but keep trying to eat poisons that wont fill them up. I came across emotional neglect and counterintuitively, i think not feeling my emotions is part of what that hole is. Also, I think i put down lots of barriers between myself and other people (like prejudice, lack of interest, trying too hard to be funny), so that they cant hurt me. However, i think this backfires because i also cant feel connected to others, and it also reduces my ability to feel positive emotions. I have tried therapy and with the right person, i find it to be lifechanging. This thing is so complex that i certainly couldnt have worked on myself alone. Good luck everyone. Just getting this far to this webpage is an achievement and milestone. Keep trying different things till you find what works for you!

Hi!. I feel the same way. No one would care if I wasn’t alive anymore. They already act like I’m gone anyway. I really do believe that you matter very much. I keep trying to hang on to that fact and hope and pray you do, too!!!