Comments on: Give Your Kids What You Never Had: 5 Ways to Stop Childhood Emotional Neglect

By: Linda

Linda — Wed, 15 Dec 2021 02:30:57 +0000

I haven’t even read the book yet, but just reading here is filling a knowledge gap that needs filling in myself. Years ago I read a book about children of alcoholics that gave me a glimpse of a family pattern that was definitely manifest in my life. As a grandchild of an alcoholic I think my parents went too far avoiding negative emotions for fear of replicating their experiences. Unfortunately that book gave me no tools of how to address what I was seeing in myself. Like Tracy, journaling was huge for me growing up. I can see now that letting that slide out of my life has left a big hole. At this point though, I think I need to work in more external ways of addressing my emotional challenges. I am excited to read the books. Between this and Jody Moore’s life coaching I think I can fill the hole that has always been inside me. I am so grateful for an opportunity to improve myself and help my children.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 29 Mar 2020 15:25:06 +0000

In reply to Carys. Dear Carys, it is imperative that you get help and support! Please check the CEN Therapist List on this site for a CEN therapist near you. And if there's not one, then ask your dr. to recommend someone. Abuse is not okay. It's important.

By: Carys

Carys — Fri, 27 Mar 2020 00:08:29 +0000

Hi Jonice – I’m from the UK. I have listened to you talk and know now that I suffered from CEN, and that its fall out has followed me throughout my entire life – including my personal and professional life. I ended up married an abusive man whom i met way back in 1994. He abused me emotionally from day 1. This progressed to verbal and financial abuse from the moment we moved in together in ’98 and, after our son arrived in ’04 he started physically abusing me too. Not all the time. There were big gaps when I thought it wouldn’t happen again. He terrified me and still does. I finally left him when my son was 8 yrs old (Dec ’12). I took my son with me and the last 7 yrs have been hell too….and yet so many people (including my closest family), tell me it should now all be rosy for me. It isnt, and chronic ill health, loss of career & financial independence (after a protracted divorce due to no cooperation from ex) + 3 house moves later etc. I am completely done in – but i do 100% try so hard to give my son what I didn’t get growing up. Its really difficult to get it right with all my ‘baggage’ and I constantly feel like a bad Mum, amongst other stuff. Dad is a heavy drinker and creates no boundaries as a parent. Coparenting has proven impossible and verbal, emotional and financial abuse has continued – with the threat of physical. I want to get strong so I can love myself and help my son to have the best life. Please can you recommend anything for me + anyone I could see in Manchester, England? Thankyou so much Jonice.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Thu, 24 Oct 2019 18:32:10 +0000

In reply to Eileen. Dear Eileen, it's not unusual for CEN parents to have different relationships with different kids. You may not be able to convince your sisters of your real experience, so please just focus on accepting it yourself. And facing it head-on.

By: Eileen

Eileen — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 19:43:57 +0000

I’ve always known my feelings were not important to my parents or siblings, so I stopped having them. They did the same to my children. I try so hard to be loving to my children, to tell them I love them, but i sometimes, I guess I miss the mark. but I keep trying and I keep listening, but maybe I don’t understand what they are saying, because I’ve never had anyone sit down and listen to me. Now my mother is dead, and two of my sisters are trying to make up a relationship between my mother and me that never existed for me. It may have for them, but I never felt I could talk to her. One sister in particular is getting mad whenever I discuss how I was treated. I am walking a tightrope over a gorge..

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 18 Aug 2019 20:01:58 +0000

In reply to Colleen. It's never too late to change your relationship with your children, Colleen! There are many helpful suggestions for reaching out and connecting with your adult children in an emotionally validating and enriching way.

By: Colleen

Colleen — Sun, 18 Aug 2019 18:11:12 +0000

Wow. I am a poster child for this experience. Wish I’d known then what I know now! My kids are grown but I knew I wouldn’t do to them what was done or not done to me. My son said I was a free range parent, but I knew nothing else. I was one too, with no babysitter from first grade on. Luckily I had a grandma down the street to watch after me. I am still dealing with the effects of CEN in myself, but thanks to Jonice it is being acknowledged and she is trying to help!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 21:22:44 +0000

In reply to Victoria. That's great to hear!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 21:15:23 +0000

In reply to Tracy. Journaling is an excellent way to express and validate yourself. Thanks for sharing!

By: Victoria

Victoria — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 18:51:56 +0000

Dear Jonice
Thank you once again for your wisdom and dedication in this area. It’s given me real hope and direction and I look forward to putting the tools to use for myself and my family,
Warm regards
Victoria