Hi Alexa, I always say that it automatically transfers unless you stop it. Many, many people consciously make efforts to give their kids what they didn’t get themselves and succeed. One of my major goals is to help people do that! So it’s not a life sentence at all.

Dear Laura, I’m sorry for your dilemma. I encourage you to see a couple’s therapist who’s a CEN Specialist with your husband. (see the list of therapists on this site). If he refuses to go, go alone. It’s important to figure this out now.

I discovered your work a few months ago and so much made sense to me. I’d always resonated with trauma symptoms but never had an “event” to relate it to. Since then i’ve introduced my husband to CEN he’s read your books but seems oblivious to the pain it causes me, to the void between us.

Having repaired myself before I feel unable to cope in a relationship with another CEN because I feel so pulled backward. I feel that no matter how strong I am unless he evolves with me I’ll forever struggle and feel triggers of past trauma. From your work do you see two CEN recovering and being able to raise a healthy family? I hate the idea my future children will grow up and I’ll pass on CEN to them.

It’s a delicate issue to try to tell a friend how you view his wife. But You could try to talk with him about CEN and maybe get him to read so that perhaps he can start working on it. If he could find his power from within, it might shift his power differential with his wife. Ultimately, there is only so much that you can do for someone unless they want your help.

Dianne, I think that is a very good point about emotional neglect between adults, in all sorts of relationships. We should be more mindful of that. In the UK you may be able to access therapy via the NHS? Look after yourself.