Great! it’s cool to read this to help gain the strength to tackle this me myself. While reading I found I always undervalue my achievements as if they were worthless. What a lie! What an ignorance! Now I will be good with myself valuing and rewarding my efforts and tasks initiated and finished

Dear Harmen,
Please know that your father’s inadequacies are his. I have had the same experience with my own father, but at age 57, after trying so hard to establish a meaningful relationship over a few years, I was at a loss. I had contacted him to go out to dinner, three different times, over 4-5 months, but he had other priorities. I couldn’t do this anymore. I wrote him a heartfelt letter, explaining why our relationship was important, especially for my daughter to know her grandfather. I wrote in closing, that if he wanted me in his life, to please find a spot for me. He never responded.

I, like you, never felt loved or nurtured. He had remarried and had a second family, and that’s what mattered to him.

I know, with a clear conscience that I did everything possible. I have no regrets, but I do wish I had stopped trying sooner.

I’m glad that you told your father you needed to hear him say that he loved you. You were very brave! As I said earlier, don’t take his response as you’re inadequate, because you aren’t. My thinking is he has hidden guilt or doesn’t know what love really is. My father doesn’t know what real love is.

Good luck to you. I’m still struggling, but I’m very relieved that I ended a toxic relationship where I was not valued. You and I are both valuable.

Dear Tracy, maybe the applause is actually just that good feeling you get when you complete something. Seek more of that good feeling because it’s your true reward.

I have exactly the same type of issue. Everytime I procastinate is because I feel the task at hand is to large, difficult or complicated and I end up doing nothing. What I’m tryring in the last few years is to mentally brake the tasks in smaller pieces and encouraging myself whenever I get something done, and actually get going. This also alliviates the guilt associated with procastination because you are not “doing nothing”.

I too echo what Ron said. “I never realized procrastination was a form of self-neglect and tied to CEN. I just thought there was something wrong with me and that I was lazy. ” Now I know what is wrong… CEN. (I didn’t even know the term). I’m in my 50’s & find I seem to rebel against my parents by not doing chores in my own home for myself. Meanwhile my parents are no longer in my life telling me what to do & the only person I hurt by letting the dishes pile up or clutter get out of control is me.

Hi Karen!
Thank you for your kind comment! I’m glad I was able to say something that is useful for someone.
And suddenly I myself got this huge aha-moment. All this cen-stuff, limiting beliefs, they can be like years hiding under the surface, and then suddenly they the burst into the surface like a volcano!
Just now I realised…I’ve always felt little bit embarrased to share something here, worrying that I “bother” Jonice, take too much space, that I make a mountain out of a molehill with my cen stuff, that what I have to say is probably nonsense and nobody is interested in to hear…worrying that others perceive me as “drama queen” or “over thinking” etc.
No wonder I used to many years feel non-stop shame about myself, I also had body dysmorphia (feeling myself very ugly, despite of people saying I was pretty). And the truth is, I’m just a plain ordinary human. With cen, apparently 🙂
But you know…when our feelings are not validated, are ridiculed or said they are wrong, incorrect, not being heard…then it is easy to “draw the conclusion” that the problem is me, in me, that I’m wrong, my feelings are wrong…I think especially as children we automatically “make it mean” something about ourselves. For example, if I’m not heard or ridiculed, I thought it meant what I say/all I say is ridiculous/not worth hearing…and it never occurred to me that the problem might instead be with the person who made me feel that way! Woo-hoo, awareness! 🙂

Reading your comment helped me see a pattern I never had words for until this morning. And it was a dingdong bell of insight ringing in my mind. Thank you. Your sharing helped me recognize and see a familiar hurt. And the importance of sharing to be heard and validated appropriately. I must discern the few treasured people even capable of listening and caring about feelings. Truly listening to myself and others is a skill and a gift I yearn to optimizeThis whole thread has so many ahas and yep, know what that feels like recognition.