Comments on: Parents: 10 Steps to Connect With Your Adult Child

By: Cathy

Cathy — Tue, 10 Mar 2026 22:51:52 +0000

I have a 55yr old son & 50 yr old daughter, & am not close to either of them, sadly. I do believe we were not close to our son while raising him, I’d had cancer & put more into our daughter thinking I wouldnt be around & wanted her to remember me. Our son also was very hard to raise, now I can see he was looking for more attention from us, which I’m so sad about, for him & us. He gets home to his place from work & just sits on a pc, as he did growing up, tho he lives with a gal, he’s emotionally distant to her too. Both my husband & I had emotionally distant parents & were left alone alot too. Our daughter was married to a narcissistic sociopath for 16 years who hated us & wanted her &their kids to himself, & worked to turn her against us, she’s been divorced for 20 years but we still struggle with our relationship.

By: Jeanice

Jeanice — Sat, 23 Mar 2024 23:56:58 +0000

In reply to Cheryl. I completely agree!! I, however am losing my daughter to her abusive, narcissistic bf…yet again! Just when it was over and now I’m trying to give her space but she’s manipulating me with my grandsons 2&16mo. I’ve watched them every day since they were born and she gets so incredibly angry when they come to me instead of her that she’s starting to keep them away from me and that’s not fair when I’ve taken care of them so she could fight with her ex!! Or work 12-14 hrs a day! It’s killing me as we’ve lost her sister and her dad when she was 4 & 8. But I made sure she was loved and knew it daily because all we went through! Again though I don’t feel we should take all the blame! My mom doesn’t at all and she admits it! Lol

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 26 Feb 2024 12:06:38 +0000

In reply to Allen Francia. Dear Allen, you are at that painful stage when you first see CEN in the results of your parenting but you haven't learned what you can do about it yet. I very much encourage you to contact several of the therapists on my Find a CEN Therapist list and choose the one you feel best with. Then let them help you connect with your feelings of love and warmth toward yourself and your sons. Most likely, you didn't receive that from your parents and none of us can give what we didn't get. But your sons need you to do this. All my best to you.

By: Allen Francia

Allen Francia — Tue, 20 Feb 2024 15:50:03 +0000

I’ve just recovred from Major depression and Schizophrenia ,it took more than 20 years for the symptoms remission.During those times i was on a child bearing age,in fact i gave birth to my eldest son,now 24 , suffering from those illnesses,then after 2 years, there came my 2nd child who is a also a boy.To make it short i was emotionally detached from them, although i met their physical needs like providing basic care with the help of their nannies.Now i noticed my eldest to be indifferent,he talks less and hardly open up.We never had a casual conversation in the family,and felt his studies are affted.Sometimes he exhibits insecurities toward her younger brother because of the latter achievements in school.But little by little he is trying to mingle with our family.Thank God for that.Now my present concern is my second son,now 22 andhave just finished college with flying colors,not to mention his being so talented in all areas, he’s a performing artist,singer,dance director and coach,to make it shor he is a total package.Very intelligent and smart.My main problem is myself,i felt indifferent towards him, though i know i love him but the feeling doesn’t show.In fact there are times when i feel angry with him for no reason.He’s a very nice guy.I know he’s longing for my affection,but i felt emotionally distant from him.I cared for his daily needs as well as appreciates his achievements in school.But why is the feeling so strange,i feel he’s hurting seing my reaction.Can anybody help me with this problem.Many thanks

By: George

George — Sat, 09 Dec 2023 11:40:12 +0000

Hi I’m George and I’m trying to reconnect with son who is 26, it is hard because he dismissed me most of the time and put a stone face after defense mechanism, we both like weed so sometimes I us that time to ask about what up,some times he presents himself like he don’t need help, but as soon something goes wrong he stop talking about the issue and prefer to ask for help to someone else, but his solutions make no sense and that’s the only one he will care about, everytime I make a suggestion he teredown with a smart dismissal comet or some aptitude ,thanks for the information it is very helpful.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 13:35:10 +0000

In reply to Sue. Dear Sue, I'm so sorry you lost a daughter, that must have been an awful thing to go through. I encourage you to consult with a therapist, preferably one trained in CEN who can advise you on whether reaching out to your other daughter and changing how you respond to her emotions might be helpful. Often, these changes can be very subtle and difficult to do on your own without guidance but it can be very effective.

By: Sue

Sue — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 02:22:57 +0000

In reply to Cheryl. You couldn’t have said it better. I’m 76 and still miss my parents after taking care of them for 12 yrs. They were 93 when they passed. Thankfully they still had their energy, humor and awareness almost to the end. We don’t “owe” either side —-we just love them. They had very hard times and we’re not perfect, but they were there for me in a heartbeat. I tried to do the same with my daughters, but am faced now with a hateful daughter who has needs that we tried to help with but we’re blamed for messing that up. Our younger one died in a car accident in 1994. Nothing we said or did was the right thing. My husband and I are so tired of wondering what to do that we’re just about to give up.

By: Sally

Sally — Sun, 04 Jun 2023 13:36:47 +0000

I am estranged from my mother and the last thing I want is for her to be trying to reconcile and doing no.10, being persistent. I am so grateful for how she has let me go and not made it about her need to have me around, but respects my need for the distance I need to heal. When you grow up with a narcissist in the family they destroy relationships and put you all through so much trauma that you just trigger each other. Even when you genuinely love each other. Similarly, my adult son is very low contact and I respect and understand that need. He doesn’t have the empathy or emotional maturity to cope with talk about how he was emotionally neglected or how I was too. He has Alexithymia and trying to connect with him that way will just make him feel inadequate and humiliated and angry and drive him even further away. He just wants to get on with his life without having to worry about ‘drama’ as he would see it and having his mother hassling him to talk about feelings. I believe that letting your children go is a gift to them. They should know they are loved and you are there but not be made to feel obligated to maintain or mend relationships with parents if that’s not what they want or what they can deal with.

By: Sherry

Sherry — Sun, 04 Jun 2023 10:01:11 +0000

Would be interested in receiving more content

By: Marilynn

Marilynn — Tue, 09 May 2023 19:55:20 +0000

In reply to Cheryl. Excellent article! I am at a family cross roads with this issue. Thank you!