Comments on: Parents Follow These 3 Steps to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child

By: Jonice

Jonice — Tue, 14 May 2019 17:59:07 +0000

In reply to Kaylee. Good for you Kaylee! That is so important.

By: Kaylee

Kaylee — Tue, 14 May 2019 17:01:33 +0000

It seems such a small thing with the football example you gave. I was obviously neglected as a child and didn’t realise neglect can be so discreet. Im grateful for finding your website so i can try not to make these mistakes with my daughter.
Im going to order your book.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 04 Mar 2019 18:30:47 +0000

In reply to Rachel. What a wonderful description of emotionally attuned parenting. It is so difficult to do, but especially when you were raised by emotionally neglectful parents yourself. I'm sure your description will help many see what they can do.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Mon, 04 Mar 2019 15:05:45 +0000

In reply to Cecile.

Personally, as I’ve learned & applied EQ, I’ve noticed my children (ages 11 & 14) needing less and less “cool down” time. Their past experience taught them their feelings would go unheard so they were unable to hear me because they were focused on trying to force me to notice their feelings via more and more over the top reactions. As I started consistently listening to and validating their emotions they’ve generally been much more able to identify their immediate “top level” feelings & process what I’m saying to them in the moment. I think it’s because they trust that they will be heard and it essentially frees their brain up to safely pay attention to their feelings and decide what to do about them. It’s also made them more apt to consider how others may be impacted by their actions.

While it doesn’t always work out that way of course, I’ve generally had to apply fewer consequences because I can see them learning the necessary lessons with only natural consequences.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 04 Mar 2019 14:23:00 +0000

In reply to Becky. Dear Becky, I agree! It would have made the world a better place. Hopefully, we can still do that now, for the future of kids everywhere.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 04 Mar 2019 14:22:02 +0000

In reply to Cecile. Hi Cecile, thanks for your helpful comments. Indeed parents must set appropriate limits with their children around behavior, and that is a part of emotional attunement too. I'll write another article that focuses on that piece too. I appreciate your mentioning this important piece!

By: Becky

Becky — Mon, 04 Mar 2019 04:05:30 +0000

This example you used demonstrates exactly what happens in real life. If parents years ago would have took time to just ask what was wrong a lot more people would be a lot happier today. Thank you for the work you have done

By: Cecile

Cecile — Sun, 03 Mar 2019 16:43:36 +0000

Hi Jonice,
of course this is all correct. Obviously the second set of remarks (these are not a dialog to begin with) is not desirable. The presentation of the 1st dialog though, while vastly superior, to me, lacks 2 dimensions: (a) it takes time and space for EQ to happen: sometimes your kid will not even cool down to talk, sometimes it has to stop right now in order to avoid consequences, and as a parent, you may not have said time and space to have the dialog right then. With my son, there is often a cool down period, several hours, before i can go discuss and process what happened because it is too raw in the moment. (b) whether the dialog takes place in the moment or later, as it reads, it does validate the child and his/her emotions, but it makes no mention of consequences, what the behavior/reaction does to others and the living together and the consequences that will ensue. It doesn’t read in adding to validation, about the child making choices. Granted, the example was probably for a young child, and i have teenager behaviors in mind. While i teach EQ, i also have to teach responsibility – these dialogs are more 2-stroke than one, 1st validation and process, 2nd impact on self and others, choices and responsibility. For sure, starting EQ early and avoiding catch up in teenage years is way more doable (luxury i didn’t have for complicated reasons).