Hi Jonice,
Thankyou so much for your reply. Unfortunately I cannot afford a Therapist. I appreciate that Psychology and Families are extremely complex. Are you saying that I might not have CEN ? Growing up we didn’t discuss emotions and although i am emotional i am only learning now through you to be aware of how I’m feeling. I believe that my siblings have cut their emotions off to protect themselves (we lost our Dad and Uncles growing up), but unfortunately they are self righteous and not approachable to communicate on an equal level. My Mum unfortunately couldn’t deal with all our feelings/emotions as she had so many other things to deal with and had CEN herself. We all had to get on with it and cope separately. I’m struggling whether it’s best for me to not have contact with my siblings anymore.

Dear Marion, I would not put the word “only” on anything in psychology because people – and families – are so complex. I encourage you to run things by a CEN therapist and see if you can figure out what kind of role, if any, CEN has played in your life and your siblings’ lives.

Excellent analogies!

I struggle with procrastination and leaving jobs until the last minute eg paying tax, bills etc. I dislike cleaning but am pleased when it’s done and once again leave it until absolutely necessary.
I spend a lot of time faffing about avoiding these jobs so do not feel I spend my precious days off work in a productive way which leaves me feeling annoyed with myself. Instead of just getting on with things!
Definitely going to give this idea a go, I think I’ll benefit now I understand the reasons behind my behaviour. Thank you for explaining so well!

However I will reframe the word “should” as this causes me some anxiety. My mother was a controlling freak and narcissist and “should” or “don’t” were her favourite commands. Even when she told us to do things there was no encouragement or explanation, so often I was at a loss as to how carry out these orders!

I think I will reframe the “shoulds” to what I need to do and what isn’t beneficial for me to do, but your message is still the same. Thank you!

Is there any “strategy” you would recommend?

Thank you!

Hi Leta,
My therapist recommended I read Scattered by Gabor Mate. It talks about ADHD as a trauma response. I haven’t read it yet so I can’t vouch for it, but I’m excited to do so. I think it might link ADHD and CEN in a way, or at least pull ADHD into the bigger discussion around how trauma and neglect affects us, instead of isolating it as a brain chemistry problem.

Dear Leta, that is a good question. I have no solid answer or data for you linking ADHD to CEN but I will keep watching for links. I do see many ADHD parents, even though they may be challenged to pay prolonged attention to their child, are able to emotionally observe, validate, and respond to their child. So I don’t see ADHD being a direct or singular cause of CEN, but it may be a factor in it.