Comments on: Coping With Childhood Emotional Neglect: Thanksgiving Survival Tips

By: Jonice

Jonice — Wed, 15 Jan 2020 17:31:24 +0000

In reply to senatormeathooks. Thank you for sharing your experience. Perhaps you were hit so hard by the kids' table because you already felt alone or excluded in some way in your life as a child? It's something to think about maybe.

By: senatormeathooks

senatormeathooks — Sat, 11 Jan 2020 01:48:50 +0000

Does anyone else remember being placed at the ‘children’s table’? I remember going to Thanksgiving dinner at a relative’s house where the entire family gathered (we rarely got together for something like Thanksgiving) to eat, and I was told to sit at the kids table. I was 13, and not a child, at least in the sense that I didn’t lack adult manners at a table. I could never understand why I had to go sit with the younger kids. It’s a small thing, really, but it bothered and baffled me.

I thought Thanksgiving was supposed to be about being together and being thankful. Why in the hell would I want to visit family I rarely saw and then not be able to sit and eat with them? I had never before been told to eat somewhere different from my parents because I was a child. I got so angry that day, but I kept it to myself because I didn’t understand why and had difficulty articulating my feelings.

Looking back, think I saw the isolation of the kids as a kind of abandonment- when something is just too inconvenient or troublesome for the adults to deal with, I learned they just dump kids off somewhere and hope they fade away in the background of their lives. It makes sense because that’s what happened to me. Twice. Yes, those kids were my family too, but I didn’t really know them very well, nor did I have them in my life at an earlier stage as they were much younger.

Don’t have a ‘kid’s table’. It doesn’t bring people together, it excludes them. And I suppose in my case bring up a terrible feeling.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Fri, 29 Nov 2019 16:05:17 +0000

In reply to T D. You are welcome, TD! You are certainly not alone.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Fri, 29 Nov 2019 16:02:53 +0000

In reply to Anna. Dear Anna, I do think you may be experiencing the results of CEN. Also, I suspect you may be able to imagine sleeping and being with the same man day after day once you are actually in love with someone. I encourage you to go through the steps of healing your CEN, and also try to hug more, as it will, over time, help you become more comfortable doing so.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Fri, 29 Nov 2019 15:56:34 +0000

In reply to Pat Willard. Dear Pat, I am so sorry that holidays are such a challenge. Please read about boundaries and protecting yourself from your challenging mom. There may be things you can do internally or with other members of your family to take away some of her power to dominate things. My book Running On Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships has some concrete suggestions that I think would likely be helpful to you.

By: T D

T D — Wed, 27 Nov 2019 04:16:37 +0000

I am very thankful for the information you share. It is so amazingly accurate to my situation and it has answered a great deal of questions for me. I plan on buying your books for all the information and advise you have. Thank you, although I am sad others struggle with this too it is nice to know you are not alone.

By: Anna

Anna — Tue, 26 Nov 2019 20:10:05 +0000

Hi Jonice! My parents were/are very CEN-like, that’s why I found you! My dad was also physically abusive (not sexually, more like punishments I never even deserved, who would?), but I’ve done so much healing already that I’m okay.
I have a strange question, but is it normal that I do not like to be touched very much, if at all? If female friends touch me (hug) which is non-sexual, it is okay. If a yoga teacher touches me or the lady at the beauty salon when having a facial, it is ok too, even pleasurable. I’m shy, introvert, but to my surprise, I have even liked sex, even with men I barely know. So no problem there. Massages (even with a professional) I do not like at all, I feel it’s very awkward and unpleasant. I do not like to be touched that way. It’s also difficult for me to imagine being married, in other words living and sleeping together in the same bed with a man every night. That would be too much closeness and intimacy for me! I’d feel suffocated. I feel I need a lot of physical “space” around me.
Is this something weird and not normal, something that needs to be fixed and healed? Or is this all normal, that we are all individuals with every aspect of humaneness, like how much physical contact we want or need, if any? I was surprised when I read somewhere that physical touch is so important to our well-being and it is something that everyone is longing to have. Why I don’t feel that way at all? When I’m single, I do not miss touch or sex at all, I do not feel deprived. “Should” I? My parents never hug me. Our culture is also quite formal, like shaking hands but not really touch other people. No-one has ever given me a comforting hug if I’m for example upset. Maybe I do not miss things that I have never even got, I’m not used to it! Is there something wrong with me?

By: Pat Willard

Pat Willard — Mon, 25 Nov 2019 00:08:20 +0000

We had our family Thanksgiving today and I came away feeling a bit empty and why did I go. My mom is a narcissist and she truly believes she is recreating the holidays of her childhood. But she’s not and they are not memorable or fulfilling. She concentrates so much on the food and then rushes us through eating and then distributing leftovers that she doesn’t take any time to sit and visit with us or enjoy her family. The rest of us enjoy each other’s company, but she makes it hard. This year was worse than ever, I’m not looking forward to Xmas. My 33 year old son refuses to attend holiday gatherings. It makes me tired.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 22:29:45 +0000

In reply to Karen. That is so wonderful to hear, Karen. I'm so glad you shared your progress. It makes me happy and will inspire others to do the same.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 22:28:09 +0000

In reply to Bx. You're welcome, Bx!