Just picked up your book again Running on Empty as I bought and read it about 4 years ago but never forgot your core message. I’ve literally gone through the wringer and back for years trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and why I feel like an alien or robot living amongst humans. But all I keep coming back to is this emptiness that wont go away and it’s had devastating consequences on me both personally and professionally my whole life. Most days and most moments, it’s just blank not really feeling anything (possible ALEXITHYMIA) unless I really force myself but even then it’s just so hard and takes up so much mental energy trying to “feel” that it doesn’t seem worth the time and effort. It seems like other people feel so naturally and can function in life rich with color, feelings and emotions (both good and bad). Maybe my brick walls are so thick now that it might be impossible to crack at this point but I will keep trying. I sometimes even get bothered and irritated by my own children who cry or try to express their feelings to me and while I do my best trying to pull from an empty reservoir, I know I’m simply not doing enough and they know it. It’s sad, it’s awful and truly one of the most torturous things (I think) any person should go through in life – constant sadness and darkness but the worst part is just not really knowing what’s going on, not having any answers while the suffering is real and the causes are so non-obvious but devastatingly painful. That’s the trouble with things like CEN – the initial silent years of neglect lead to more neglect for the next generation and it makes you neglectful of yourself your whole life so that you’re not “aware” and you can’t pinpoint the root cause and symptoms to fix the problems – it’s like having a perpetual blind spot so you just feel bad, blah or apathetic most of the time. But the saddest part is you just don’t even know who you are as a person – it’s true you can’t identify your strengths and weaknesses so no wonder you have no direction, no proud accomplishments and definitely no genuine self esteem. All true.

Someone (maybe you) said that childhood neglect in people is like owning a rocket ship with no rocket fuel and I think that’s a very accurate metaphor for CEN.

Anyway appreciate you for continuing to bring to light something so painfully powerful to so many peoples’ lives for years now. Poor parenting should not be overlooked for many of society’s problems today and I think as parents if we can at least identify and acknowledge that there is a problem then at least we can find some answers online, find your book perhaps and get the appropriate help to fix such a core and fundamental human right. Thinking I might need some myself to untangle or unearth some of those awful memories or repressed feelings. Things need to improve for the next generation and every parent needs to discover where their blind spots might be and CEN is definitely a huge gaping hole for many many people who might not even be aware of it.

I hadn’t considered the angle of not having feelings that tell me the opposite, and cultivating them! Thank you!

Dear Taylor, great question. I encourage you to start consciously managing whatever feelings tell you to NOT care for yourself. Are you sure you’re actually having those feelings? Or are you simply not having feelings that tell you the opposite? You can consciously cultivate those feelings. It seems it would help to delve more into all these feelings and start managing and dealing with them.

Jonice,
I politely disagree that CEN and autism are in different categories. Autism is a clinical diagnosis, as there isn’t a lab test yet to confirm it, not to mention psychiatrists and psychologists are often the ones trained to test individuals, and treat them. CEN and Autism 1 AKA high functioning or Aspergers, are very similar in emotional presentation and given the fact that both vary greatly from person to person, could easily be mistaken for the other. What are your thoughts on that? Do you not think making clear diagnostic differences would be of benefit?

Dear Lou, your comment makes me very happy. Thanks for sharing!