Comments on: The 5 Greatest Myths About Emotional Neglect

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 25 Jul 2021 18:05:12 +0000

In reply to Michelle. I love that analogy and I'm glad it gives you understanding and solace. Thank you for sharing it!

By: Michelle

Michelle — Fri, 23 Jul 2021 01:57:54 +0000

Someone had the wisdom to post some time ago an analogy that has helped me put my CEN into perspective and I thank her very much.
Her analogy went something like this:
Going back home to visit with parents and expecting things to be different now that I have an understanding of my CEN is like going to the hardware store in search of bread. I can search all over the store and never find the bread. I can leave and return still looking for bread but I will never find bread at the hardware store. Eventually, I will learn not to look for bread at the hardware store and just accept that it won’t be there, but I can go in and look around at the items they do have and maybe find something I can use.
I will be 55 in October and I think I have finally let go of trying to please my parents. My husband of 30 years and I are empty nesters. He has been very supportive of my journey and I am looking forward to the next 30 with him and not worrying about what Mom and Dad think.
I can walk past the hardware store now and just window shop and be happy with all the things in my life.

By: eden

eden — Wed, 21 Jul 2021 14:00:32 +0000

In reply to Cyn. It is well-known that Robin Williams many characters and voices were created from a very lonely childhood. His parents were socially busy and he was often left alone with a sitter. He actually should be the poster child of CEN.

By: Peter

Peter — Tue, 20 Jul 2021 01:35:07 +0000

Thank you so much for just recognizing and talking about CEN. My parents hardly ever talked to me. Especially my mother. I learned to suppress my emotions. When I was 13 I started feeling so abnormal. I just didn’t know what normal was. I started to get angry and frustrated about it. I of course kept it to myself. My parents were very kind to many people and always got excited when they were with other people. Well on two separate occasions I happen to run into 2 different college students that knew my parents. They recognized me but I didn’t them. They both told me I had the most wonderful parents in the world. Well I of course came to conclude my anger was bad and had to be stopped. A few days later I woke up and could see this tall black wall and at the top was a light. I knew that my parents were on top in the light and I could not see them and had no access to them. This my way of resolving it. Allow them to be good and suppress all my emotions Which I did. There are other times where I suppressed my emotions. I got married but of course have had a very difficult time sharing how I feel even after 44 years of marriage. My wife had 3 kids and wanted to have another child with me but I didn’t want to pass on this awful baggage so we did not have a child. Me and the youngest child who was 2 1/2 when we met hit it off. I found I could express my emotions with her and it was safe. It was wonderful. When she was 13 we had to discipline her for something she did. Her birth dad came over to talk about the discipline. During the conversation the thought suddenly hit me, who am I that her real dad has to argue with me. I gave in of course. Well she left with her dad and I collapsed on the floor and began to weep. I pounded the floor and kept saying, you idiot you have no right to those feelings. I spent many years after that trying to erase all those memories as I had no right to them. This feels so good just to be able to say this!!!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 19 Jul 2021 18:01:36 +0000

In reply to Joe126. Well sad, Joe126. All very true.

By: Cyn

Cyn — Mon, 19 Jul 2021 17:54:51 +0000

In reply to Jill. Robin Williams had Parkinson’s disease with severe pathology. It strained him beyond his ability to cope and he was already compromised with bipolar disorder.

By: Karen

Karen — Mon, 19 Jul 2021 15:35:09 +0000

Our mom died when I was 12. My brother was 6 and our sister was nine. Our dad wanted us to have a mother, so he married a woman with 2children, and we 4 moved to their house.
Our stepmother was abusive and emotional neglecting of us 3. Less abuse on me as I was close to high school graduation, but still I see it’s effects on me. Our dad didn’t recognized CEN, of course, but eventually divorced this unhappy marriage and abusive parenting. But this had my brother in the step family from age 8 to his teen years. Our sister would not leave the stepmother and has been estranged from my brother and I for decades. I think that there is no closure from CEN and it affects, but you can heal alot with therapy and introspection.
This was a short version of my CEN story. It took me ten years in counseling for me to cry telling it–I was just trying to cope by burying my overwhelmed emotions for so many years.

By: Joe126

Joe126 — Mon, 19 Jul 2021 09:11:48 +0000

“Neglect is a form of rejection,” someone wrote above. That rings true. Being ignored, not listened to, having your feelings and opinions dismissed or disregarded as unimportant, all that hurts in the long run when it happens routinely for years and years growing up. You end up feeling like you don’t matter. Then you might even treat others in a similar way. We all want to be listened to, respected, and treated like we matter. We need that to be healthy.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 19 Jul 2021 00:40:07 +0000

In reply to Gladeye. Dear Gladeye, I encourage you to connect with a qualified therapist and allow someone to support and guide you to learn your own strengths and needs and feelings. You deserve to feel better and there are people who can help. Check the Find A Therapist List on this website!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 19 Jul 2021 00:37:12 +0000

In reply to Sandra. Wonderful, helpful words. Thanks for sharing them, Sandra!