Comments on: The Incredible Power of Validation and How To Do It https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it&utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it Your resource for relationship and emotional health. Wed, 09 Nov 2022 20:29:47 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9 By: Jonice https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/comment-page-1/#comment-12182 Sun, 18 Apr 2021 20:31:03 +0000 https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/?p=2617#comment-12182 In reply to Clark.

Well, Clark, I’d like to say once again that the point was not that the validation fixed the problem! It was that it helped the couple get back on solid ground so that they could then hear each other. When two people are polarized, there’s only one way forward: one person makes the effort to see/feel the other person’s perceptions and feelings and opens their mind. Once the other feels that happening, they open their heart and mind as well. Then a solution may be found. Also, I assure you I do not write my blogs as a promotion for my book! In fact, I am hurt by that assumption. I write them from my heart in an effort to reach as many people as possible and help them become aware of CEN.

]]> By: Clark https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/comment-page-1/#comment-12177 Wed, 14 Apr 2021 23:26:59 +0000 https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/?p=2617#comment-12177 VS and Shane raise good points about your therapy example. I, too, felt it was wanting. It likely wasn’t the case that their deep relationship rifts were caused/beached upon a holiday disagreement. As Shane points out, validation alone won’t be healing them. It might even come off as patronizing. HR professionals are despised for using validation as a freestanding tool to defuse and then disregard. “Oh, you understand why I feel angry at being passed up for promotion by a new hire who’s sleeping with the boss? Thank you SO much!” I know it’s just an example in a promo email for your books—I’ve read them both, they’re excellent—but this is a good example of how these articles have gotten rather formulaic lately. You’re THE pioneer of CEN. You’re literally all we’ve got to tell the world and therapists about CEN. (We tend not to complain enough for anyone to study, so, until you, they haven’t.)

]]> By: Jonice https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/comment-page-1/#comment-12176 Tue, 13 Apr 2021 21:44:11 +0000 https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/?p=2617#comment-12176 In reply to Joanna.

Dear Joanna, the article does not actually address BPD (borderline personality disorder). That is a special case that’s not covered.

]]> By: Stephen https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/comment-page-1/#comment-12175 Tue, 13 Apr 2021 21:20:05 +0000 https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/?p=2617#comment-12175 My dad would do the opposite of validation. Often mocking my feelings, I should or shouldnt feel things, telling me I don’t understand things because my brain isn’t developed yet, he would say I should have selective hearing on everything he says to me and to not get hurt by his hurtful words but when he says jump we say ‘how high’. Every problem I brought to his attention made things worse and I felt worse afterwards. I literally taught him the word empathy a month ago. I feel he is blind and refuses to open his eyes to any other human experience. He has no friends and all close family runs away from him. I can litterally say ‘I don’t like this or that,’ a thousand times and he will say ‘yes you do.’… will he ever understand anything or should i give up hope for my dad to ever see my perspective?

]]> By: Shane https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/comment-page-1/#comment-12174 Tue, 13 Apr 2021 05:53:52 +0000 https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/?p=2617#comment-12174 In reply to VS.

VS,
The story doesn’t say that after validation, Barbie bulldozed her agenda through and demanded Tim do what he didn’t want to do all weekend. It doesn’t say what outcome happened. But it strongly implies that the improved understanding opened doors for compromised. If Tim’s (legitimate) beef isn’t the trip itself, but in particular Barbie’s brother’s apparent attitude, there are possibilities. Maybe they compromise and just go for a dinner but not the whole weekend. Maybe Barbie has stories that show her brother shows caring via sarcasm which changes Tim’s attitude somewhat making the brother more tolerable. Maybe Barbie shares that her brother was a war vet who has PTSD which is why his attitude seems off and that makes Tim more understanding. We don’t know. Maybe Tim learns all this and says “I still can’t stand being around him”, so they visit when the brother will be somewhere else as a compromise. The point being, once we know Tim’s particular reason for being against weekend visits, compromise solutions become possible. Without hearing that, it just looks like Tim is being disagreeable for no known reason.

]]> By: Joanna https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/comment-page-1/#comment-12172 Mon, 12 Apr 2021 18:14:51 +0000 https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/?p=2617#comment-12172 I find it natural to be able to empathise and validate other people (less so myself). Much of my relationship issues seem to be down to many family members refusing to validate how I feel about toxic behaviours. Either they can’t or won’t see them and it’s their defensiveness and cruel behaviour of turning everything back on me that leads to immense hurt and me cutting myself off after repeated attempts at explaining myself. A good article but many BPD sufferers only stand up for themselves, not lash out, after months or years of trying to resolve conflicts where the other person won’t even meet you half way.

]]> By: Jonice https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/comment-page-1/#comment-12171 Mon, 12 Apr 2021 16:48:39 +0000 https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/?p=2617#comment-12171 In reply to Anne.

Dear Anne, thanks for your message and for putting my work to such good use!

]]> By: Jonice https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/comment-page-1/#comment-12170 Mon, 12 Apr 2021 16:47:23 +0000 https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/?p=2617#comment-12170 In reply to Tim.

I’m sad about that too, Tim. But you really can now validate your own.

]]> By: Jonice https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/comment-page-1/#comment-12169 Mon, 12 Apr 2021 16:45:46 +0000 https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/?p=2617#comment-12169 In reply to Richard.

Very perceptive observation about political and business leaders, Richard! We have similar situations here in the US. It’s unfortunate, and I also wish this could be taught in schools everywhere.

]]> By: Anne https://drjonicewebb.com/the-incredible-power-of-validation-and-how-to-do-it/comment-page-1/#comment-12168 Mon, 12 Apr 2021 15:08:03 +0000 https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/?p=2617#comment-12168 I find CEN so effective in helping my patients understand why they feel so disconnected and empty as adults when everything appears to be good. I’m so grateful for this framework that helps so many understand how they came to feel these feelings without being a bad person or having bad parents. Thank you Jonice.

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