Comments on: The Most Important Thing You Never Got

By: Karen

Karen — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 23:28:23 +0000

Some examples l experienced of CEN, have been having my mother wash my face with a warm wash cloth as a small girl each morning, as she told me that l would have a bright smile on my face when she took it off, that would last until she rewashed my face at bedtime. The only emotion l was allowed to express was happiness. No negative emotions or talk was allowed. One time l felt unloved and like the family scapegoat so l asked my Mom if her love for us kids was conditional or unconditional. She said that of course it was conditional. l asked her what the conditions were. l was yelled at that l couldn’t ask that question, and l never got an answer. Looking back, l think my parents wanted to control us by occasionally giving us feelings of love and praise when we behaved like they wanted or to manipulate us, but making us feel neglected, unheard, unseen and unloved a lot of the time. For instance when l started getting migraines at age 11 that l found overwhelmingly painful and lasted ~ 4 hours long, my parents had no empathy for me. l begged for my Mom to get my doctor to give some medicine because the pain was so severe, but my Mom didn’t get it because she did not really listen to me. l felt more like an accessory like a purse or
pair of shoes, that my Mom took out to show off to her friend’s, and had to reflect what aessthetic she
was going for. She even said she owned us as her children. l believe our children come through us and we have the honor of raising them, but we don’t own them. Anyhow, she never talked to my doctor about getting me pain medecine or other treatment ideas for my migraines.l was to go to my room and suffer through them alone, and rejoin the family when they were over. When your parents treat you like a thing, withdraw love and give you no way back to it, and have no empathy for your recurring severe pain

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 02 Jun 2019 17:39:10 +0000

In reply to Olga. Dear Olga, you paint a vivid picture of the amount of sadness and loss you feel from not receiving the nurturing you needed and deserved as a child. I hope you will try to picture yourself as a child and work to love the little girl Olga inside of you. She deserves it. And when you can love her, you'll also be able to love other children too. You can do it.

By: Olga

Olga — Sat, 01 Jun 2019 19:18:50 +0000

Hi! Thank you so much for taking care of the topic. It seems that we are so neglected that even the topic is neglected. So the fact you took care of it makes me feel like someone took care of me a little bit 🙂 I found your website after I’ve done much work: I stared to feel, I understood my emotions and who I am. But there are also other things I understood just recently. I noticed I hate people and especially little children. I have no maternal instinct at all. I don’t like babies, because they constantly scream for attention, and subconsciously I don’t want to give them that, because I’m mad, that someone requires from me something I’ve never got. And it’s so unfair that others just get it for free, without any effort from their side and I was begging for it my whole life but no one cared. Secretly I wish that all babies suffered like me. I’m wondering if I will ever be able to love people. My memories are unchangeable. I hope there is any way to fix this mess in my heart.

By: Sue

Sue — Sat, 22 Dec 2018 18:57:32 +0000

I don’t just have a blind spot to my emotions. I actually feel things so deeply that I feel abnormal. Very low self esteem, doubt that anyone really likes/cares about me. My parents weren’t even interested in knowing my friends or welcoming new people into our lives without being wary of them. Which carries over into me feeling like others shouldn’t be trusted.

By: Teeka

Teeka — Mon, 24 Apr 2017 04:46:03 +0000

It can be very hard to know you have it. Lots of people pass that subtle neglect on to their children, not knowing it because how do you miss what you never knew existed. They say that they themselves “turned out fine” so how could there be anything wrong. And indeed they seem to be fine – they have good jobs and support their families. That hollow place inside is easy to ignore for the first 50 years or so. “…And her heart is full and hollow – Like a cactus tree – While she’s so busy being free.” ~Joni Mitchell