I had this same problem for years. I just recently (within the past year) began practicing asking myself how I feel. For me, my emotions just came across to me as a generally uncomfortable feeling. Not any feeling in particular, I just felt uncomfortable, like squeamish, like I just didn’t want to be where ever I was anymore. Eventually whenever I felt that way, I was able to recognize that it was because i was having a feeling. Of course, I had no idea what feeling it was – it could have been sad, angry, scared, alone, invalidated… I started my journey by congratulating myself every time I recognized that I was uncomfortable. I would say out loud or in my head ‘congrats! You did it! You had a feeling!’ and I would give myself a physical pat on the shoulder or I’d give my arm an encouraging squeeze. Cheesy, ya totally, but also priceless. Giving myself permission to encourage me and acknowledge my ‘win’ has been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Once I got good at just noticing that I was uncomfortable, I was able to start asking myself ‘Why?’. Example – “hmmm i feel uncomfortable, i wonder why? Did someone say something i didn’t like? Am i doing something that I’m not used to or not good at so maybe I’m feeling a little insecure? What didn’t I like about what that person said? Why do i feel insecure about doing this- is there a chance that people will know if i make a mistake?” All these questions (and more) I answered as objectively as possible – just as a fact and WITHOUT blame. The more of these questions I asked, the more I actually learned about myself. My answers where may times just 1-3 words so nothing lengthy – my goal is always to be as concise as I can. I do this out loud, or in my head and my favorite is to journal it – either handwritten or typed. It’s amazing the realizations I come to when I do this exercise. Many times all of a sudden I’ll have a break through and start recalling a very specific incident in my childhood where i had a similar experience. I would have never made the connection without doing the exercise and I would have never realized that it was something that needed healed.

Yes Janis, please do deal with your fear. I’m certain that it is blocking you from the most rich and rewarding parts of life.

Very true! Thank you for pointing that out.

In some sense it means that you lay aside your self and this can only be done by a person who is secure enough in himself that he knows he will not get lost in what may turn out to be the strange or bizarre world of the other, and can comfortably return to his own world when he wishes. ”

In other words the tone, posture, and manner in which one asks “the most personal question” is as important as the words.

Dear Jen, I love your question! I always look for the best image I can find to fit the particular blog. And I do make sure to use images showing a variety of different races as often as I can. I think it is very important indeed. Thanks so much for your thoughtful question.