Dear Beep, I’m afraid you may be overthinking this. Nothing in this world is 100% exact, especially in psychological science. A parent’s love for their child can be the purest form of unconditional love that’s possible in us humans, and it leads to the most emotionally healthy children growing up to be the most emotionally healthy adults.

Jaco,
What you state is an oxymoron by definition:
“…unconditional love is ONLY possible towards my son.”

Your love is conditional – the person has to be your son to receive your ‘unconditional’ love. You’ve set a condition on your love: must be MY child.
So if your son was just a random male in this world, and not your son, you wouldn’t love this particular person unconditionally, by your own admission, would you?

Hence why its not unconditional love, because unconditional love by definition has NO conditions whatsoever. Literally none at all. It is the state of caring and loving without expecting anything back or any condition at all to be fulfilled. It is a rare state for a human to know, as we all actually receive conditional love. We just dont know it’s still conditional, because we’re blinded by the large amount of love we have for our children.

Parents often feel they have unconditional love for their children, but they don’t. There’s a stack of (mostly unspoken) conditions a child must obey in order to receive maximum ‘love’ from their parents.

We only lend our DNA blueprint for another separate soul to incarnate on earth. Their personality is not borrowed from us, like our DNA. The conditioning children can receive via parents personality is akin to them mimicking parents as children learn from parents ‘how to be’ in this world. Their true personality is entirely theirs and separate from ours. This is why many people change personalities around their parents, and revert to their authentic personalities when away from parents.

Parental love is the worst example of ‘unconditional love’, as the child, must, at first, satisfy the condition, that they are genetically related.

The way to test your unconditional parental love, is to imagine you found out, when your child is 20, that you are not the biological mother/father of your child. Your wife had an affair and the child is genetically another mans. Or as a mother, imagine the babies were accidentally switched at the hospital and your child genetically comes from other parents, while your genetic child was raised by genetic strangers. The hospital got in touch to reveal the mistake.
How would you feel? Would you want to search for your genetic child to give it the genuine DNA ‘unconditional’ love it merits by being your DNA? Would your love change towards your child who you thought all these years was genetically yours?

Unconditional love has no conditions what-so-ever. From anyone. Friend, daughter, father, stranger in the street, husband etc – they are loved and treated equally without expectations of return of anything, or any conditions.

Very few actually feel this for humanity, because it is extremely difficult for all cultures to ‘go beyond’ conditioning of what love is and isnt.

If we truly reached the state of having unconditional love, we would have it for ALL life, unconditionally. It is a form of love that has no limits, so it is impossible for us to say ‘only so-an-so can have this love i feel’.

If we place ANY conditions on the love we give, no matter what those conditions are, or how minimal, it’s by definition ‘conditional love’.

Dear Raj, for parents, unconditional love and limits, consequences and boundaries all go together perfectly. But unconditional means that as you deliver consequences and limits to your child, you never stop loving them. Providing this perfect combo to a child provides both guidance, real-world skills, healthy boundaries, and love. Everything a child needs to thrive emotionally.

My daughter sent me your arguement. Thanks so much for seeing the world in black and white. No grays involved!

I quote;
“Love is fragile and valuable. Treat it with care and protect it.
Do not feel pressured to love your parents no matter what. Yes, they deserve more latitude than anyone else in your life. But it’s not your job to love them no matter what they do to you.”

Do you even see the oxymoron? Who are you to judge All Parents? “No matter what…”
?, So, the parent’s gave everything they could but the child decides it wasn’t enough.
You give the child permission to believe everything they think. Right or wrong.
How old should the child be to make this decision?
Should he/she try to discuss this with either parent?
This seems a blank check invitation to run & hide rather than try to make any improvements in the relationship. How convenient

I agree Sandra. Uncondtional love is not a sappy, accept-any-behaviour, self-deluding feeling. It is a self-less desire for the greatest well-being, development and happiness of another person. Just as we unconditionally love our children without allowing them to play on the road or set things on fire, so too we can love friends, family and lovers while being clear that actions harmful to themselves or others is wrong. That’s not the same thing as withdrawing from the relationship.

Dear Sandra, I guess it depends how you define “unconditional.” When you put conditions on something it is no longer unconditional. But it seems you are thinking of it somewhat differently.

Very true, Infran. It’s usually the people who love us the most who are most willing to tell us the painful truths. But it must always be shared with compassion.