As a side note: i have noticed now, that i am starting to work on these issues in my 40s that i am VERY/ ultra sensitive to negative responses & rejection when i try to be vulnerable or sensitive/sweet in a way my parents never were– feel i need FULL support of my expression of emotions now or i shrink back into myself for days/weeks from even one negative interaction. How do i explain this to my husband—that this is different?

I feel myself starting to grow in learning/expressing emotions but if he responds like my parents would (negatively/rudely–not supportive) i can feel myself closing off almost immediately/ dying inside/ closing off for days or weeks–remembering that old feeling of no one caring what i had to say or how i feltand then feel weak and so hopeless, like no one can ever be trusted enough to grow in openness of your emotions . Any advice?

Dear LP, every parent commits acts of emotional neglect, but it doesn’t become true Emotional Neglect unless it happens enough to give the child the message that their feelings don’t matter or are a burden. That sews the seeds of true CEN and sets up the pattern of struggles that, believe it or not, most people do not have. Hope this helps.

Hi Lena,
Reading your comment was like reading my thoughts, I’m in exactly the same situation, being creative but not being able to fully realise my potential, afraid to say what I think, feeling that anything I do doesn’t make sense or is stupid. It has caused a lot of anxiety every time I sit down to do “my own” project and I already lost 10 years being blocked my overpowering procrastination. Finally got to look for the causes half a year ago and the idea of CEN was eye-opening! This coupled with perfectionism and low self-esteem is a messy mental soup I’ve got in my head. But I’m slowly getting some clarity.
We’re on a path to healing and let’s give the world the best of us creatively! Wish you all the best and if you need support from a fellow human that feels the same, let me know.

Dear Katina, thank you for sharing your story with us. You seem to have a clear and realistic view of what went on in your childhood and how it affected you. I’m glad you are protecting yourself.

I endured a parent that would ignore me when mad, one that accused me of trying to manipulate them when I cried as they ’reprimanded’ me, I was accused of getting angry at them when what I was angry about had nothing to do with them, I learned that their religious beliefs trumped me and I had to conform to them at the cost of denying myself, I was often told what I felt by them instead of them listening to me, I strived to get praise but it was never equal to the negative they gave me, and I was taught to read people for anger and to do my best to placate or avoid them even at my own detriment.

That’s not even all of it and everything above happened more than once and sometimes very frequently, when I looked into CEN the stuff matched so well that the stuff I felt as a kid came back. My parents had good intentions but they struggled with the marriage, finances, and their own rough childhoods, I love them but I keep them at arms length and parts of myself hidden from them to avoid any reoccurring issues.

Dear Caren, the worksheets and feeling list can be downloaded on The Book tab of this website. Please do join my Facebook page. It’s here: https://www.facebook.com/JWebbPHD/. I’m sorry you feel so alone. There are plenty of people who understand.