Comments on: The Story of CEN: Childhood Emotional Neglect

By: Jonice

Jonice — Wed, 22 Apr 2020 15:38:49 +0000

In reply to tyris. Dear Tyris, I'm sorry for what you experienced as a child. Realizing this is such an important thing. In terms of foster children: all it takes is a committed and emotionally aware and validating foster parent to prevent CEN. But being in the foster system probably decreases a child's chances of getting that.

By: tyris

tyris — Tue, 21 Apr 2020 15:44:58 +0000

Hi, Dr.Webb. I’m writing a research paper on the said topic.CEN. It wasn’t until I started this research that I realized, I was emotionally neglected. Growing up with my parents, I had already felt like an outsider. I felt I had no purpose and was shunned for acting out. As a child, I hardly remember being told, I love you or that; I even matter. Today, I’m very introverted and stand-offish toward people. I come off as aggressive and mean. I have a kind heart and always mean well. You wrote that CEN is invisible. I get it. I once believed if I just gave to people they would like me. I understand now, that’s not true. I do have a question though. Do you see CEN happening in children/adults that grew up/are in foster care? Thank you for all you do. It’s very much in undefined abuse.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Fri, 28 Feb 2020 21:36:04 +0000

In reply to Becky. Dear Becky, good for you for coming a long way from your childhood. That took a lot of strength! And fortunately, you can put that strength to good use again by beginning to pay attention to yourself and nurturing yourself. Please read Running On Empty to get you started down that path. You deserve so much better.

By: Becky

Becky — Wed, 26 Feb 2020 21:37:50 +0000

I know my mother did not mean me ill, but has her own struggles with emotional responses. Somehow, I became deeply embarrassed by expressing any feelings except anger. From the age of 2 or 3, I turned my pain inwards, and instead of running to a parent or adult for comfort, would turn away, hide, et cetera. I learned never to share my sadness or upset with others and developed a reputation for being “mean” as a toddler which has followed me throughout my life. It got to the point where I wanted to display no human needs at all in public – I would not use the bathroom at school for many years. I would not have asked for a glass of water if I were dying of thirst. I was in a perpetual state of shame about my own existence. I am better in a lot of ways now, but still don’t know how to connect with people, and I feel a large emotional distance between myself and other people, particularly my family. I feel like something very profound is missing from my life and I am miserable, but I don’t know how to make up for the nurturing that I needed as a child.

By: Paddy

Paddy — Mon, 12 Nov 2018 02:52:31 +0000

I was never allowed to cry without being laughed at. I was never allowed to be angry without retribution. I was never allowed to be sad without ridicule. I learned very early to not allow any emotion when I was growing up. I never knew that this upbringing caused my total independence and lack of emotional connection. Thank you for shining a light.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sat, 03 Nov 2018 15:06:14 +0000

In reply to Sk. Dear Sk, I'm sorry to say that I'm not able to advise you on that without much more information about you, your background and your life. I can only say that I believe targeted treatment aimed toward healing CEN is a very powerful and efficient way to make a difference in your life. I hope this helps.

By: Sk

Sk — Sat, 03 Nov 2018 12:49:36 +0000

Hi dr webb
I really want to thankyou because your book has made me blame myself less than what i used to and it took me so much time after reading this book to accept my parents did emotionally neglect even though i still have those doubts and get in that loop again but i am atleast able to recognise that.
I wanted to ask you that should i consider cbt instead of psychotherapy to heal and work on my unhealthy coping mechanisms learnt due to cen as it effects my work and personallife to great extent.
Thank you

By: Jonice Webb

Jonice Webb — Fri, 12 Jan 2018 18:55:56 +0000

In reply to Georgie Scully. That is wonderful to hear Georgie! Thank you for your message.

By: Georgie Scully

Georgie Scully — Fri, 12 Jan 2018 17:30:15 +0000

I came across your work by accident in July 2016 and it has been life changing for me to finally recognise that my feelings matter, after decades of priding myself on being Ms Independent and being emotionally shut down. Being sent away to boarding school between the ages of 4 – 15 after the death of my mother will have that effect. In the spirit of sharing knowledge I forwarded a link to your work to the therapist I know. Thank you for helping me to heal.

By: Jonice Webb

Jonice Webb — Tue, 02 Jan 2018 18:14:29 +0000

In reply to Heather. I'm glad to hear this Heather. And you can ask your therapist to read this article and/or take a look at my book, Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. Many therapists are happy to do this, once they hear about CEN.