Thank you for your reply.

Over the years we have had conversations. It is still unclear why she feels she needs psychological help and what exactly she expected from psychological help. It all started with “normal” sibling rivalry that most of us experienced as kids. It has now escalated to how we raised her. This 4-5 year relationship with this psychiatrist appears to be very “wrong” under these circumstances. A broken bone can be expected to take 3-9 months to heal unless the doctor keeps breaking the bone. How long does sibling rivalry take to overcome? How did it escalate in to more issues? She has even had sessions talking about her boss at work. What did he have to do with any of this? She is being turned into a psychological mess over seemingly “everyday life issues”. Someone is affirming her feelings to be abnormal and requiring their therapy. How do we talk her into a “second opinion” after developing a confidential relationship and obviously a trusting one?

Dear NW, I know it can be confusing when your child starts becoming distant and angry at you seemingly out of the blue. But I want to assure you that it would be a one-in-a-million experience for a therapist to turn someone against their family, either out of incompetence or purposely. In my 30 years of experience, I have never once seen this happen. I encourage you to get curious about what your daughter is upset about. Ask her and then listen intently and not defensive, and you may hear some interesting and helpful things. No family is perfect, and parenting is so very challenging. Understanding your daughter’s experience is the place to start. I wish you all the best!

Your examples of “CEN” (another label?) are concerning. What child would not have CEN in a realistic world? Every parent makes a choice in the way they raise their children. Are you going to encourage them to cry over spilled milk or are you going to encourage them to let it go and move on?

Her ongoing psychiatric sessions have now labeled her with every “diagnosis” in the book. Isn’t the point of going to a psychiatrist to heal? She is getting worse the longer this goes on. She appears ready to end her relationship with us, her parents and her twin sister. Is this the end goal coming from the psychiatrist?

I admit I am not an emotional person. I did not encourage or offer an emotional responses to my children. My wife encouraged enough emotions in the household so there was a balance overall. Seems the psychology world has found a way to blame everyone else for this generations “problems” instead of identifying to their patients how to survive this realistic world of “imperfection.” Until there are laws and mandatory classes to raising your child (like the Nazis’ did), psychologists need to end this practice of blaming the parents. I blame psychiatrist for turning my once normal daughter, raised in a normal, loving house, against her family.

“People with ADHD have passionate thoughts and emotions that are more intense than those of the average person. Their highs are higher and their lows are lower. This means you may experience both happiness and criticism more powerfully than your peers and loved ones do.”

Dear Megan, I don’t know of ADHD affecting people’s emotions in the way you describe. Is it possible you are conflating these two conditions? Maybe you can try focusing on your feelings as they are instead of attributing them to ADHD.

Dear Dr. Beth, Yes, for sure. Kids can be ingenious in their attempts to get their normal emotional needs met. Acting up is one of the ways to get some attention, even if it’s negative. I’m so glad you’re interested in learning about CEN and willing to help spread the word about it. Take care of yourself, and write back and let me know what you think of Running On Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships. All my best to you.

Sincerely,
Dr. Elizabeth Burgess

Dear Tresa, at 57 you can definitely do this. Once you start reclaiming your own emotions, they will drive you and enrich you. I’m so happy your therapist will go through the book with you. That’s wonderful!

Thank you Tresa. Excellent words of wisdom.