Comments on: What Does it Mean When Your Partner is Emotionally Unavailable

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 14 Aug 2022 12:56:19 +0000

In reply to Matt. Hi Matt, I would suggest you get a CEN therapist from the list from this site to help and support your changing. Another option would be to take the Fuel Up For Life program which will guide and support you through the process, or both. If your marriage is at stake, then it is worth doing everything you possibly can. I applaud you for your efforts!

By: Matt

Matt — Wed, 03 Aug 2022 21:24:18 +0000

Hi Jonice, I have been the emotionally unavailable one in my marriage for a long time. My wife is pretty much checked out and has told me so. I am trying so hard to turn things around. I can feel changes in myself after reading your books and doing some of the exercises. However this is not yet translated into meaningful action that my wife can look at with any hope. How long does this healing typically take? Can you offer any advice for someone in my situation?

By: Russell

Russell — Thu, 03 Feb 2022 21:47:16 +0000

I’m a 41 year old man who’s life is a cautionary tale of what can happen if childhood trauma and neglect issues are not worked through to the point of at least partial healing. I’ve had multiple suicide attempts, been diagnosed with Major Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder ( probably either an incomplete diagnosis or misdiagnosis altogether), lifelong severe substance abuse issues, extreme financial problems including 2 bankruptcies, experienced multiple episodes of homelessness, sporadic employment, and over a dozen periods of incarnation. I’ve been unable to find or maintain any semblance of stability since I was a child. I’m very blessed to be fully employed at the moment and have been married for almost a year but I find little to no satisfaction in any aspect of my life and my wife unfortunately has a lot of the same life experiences due mostly to the same childhood emotional neglect and abuse. I’m intent on bringing some healing to my marriage and hopefully ghis is a good jumping off point to start the process.

By: Vp

Vp — Mon, 04 Jan 2021 22:45:38 +0000

When someone is emotionally unavailable doesn’t matter what you say. It is always false. Everything is YOUR fault. Why stay with him? With an emotionally unavailable partner? I think only one reason: you are used to. Your parents, grandparents or whoever were the same. This is the only reason why an unavailable partner can be tolerated. And there is no happy end. No one can be saved unless he saves himself. Living without emotion around you and more, hiding them, is your suicide. It is your own choice to slowly murder yourself. I know. I have buried myself. No one should say “there is hope”. No hope. You have to know: nothing nor anyone will change but you.

By: Natasha

Natasha — Fri, 20 Nov 2020 23:25:10 +0000

Im in a loving 4 year relationship with a committed and understanding partner who introduced me to your work and to CEN. In that time ive got better in touch with my emotions but find that in doing so it triggers my shutdowns. Im caught in this horrible loop of being a bit connected and then drifting away from connection – realise whats happening – sit with the feeling of emptiness – than feel sad/frustrated/lonely/scared – have trouble decoupling from the emotions and end up more triggered and more shutdown. I know i can change and grow but the emptiness and wall seem so insurmountable – it can be so disheartening. Im also feeling more empathy towards my partner and Im feeling bad for what i put him through (though i also recognise its his choice if he stays). So tricky – I end up very confused and feeling like being in a relationship is too hard.

By: denise

denise — Mon, 02 Nov 2020 19:20:41 +0000

I am exhausted trying to understand my husband’s disconnection and silence. We have been married for 35 years. I just am so tired and feel like giving up. Just as i a sure his needs are not met mine too are not met…. I bought the first book but he didn’t read it. I cannot change him, he has to but i dont think he wants to.

By: Mary

Mary — Sun, 13 Sep 2020 16:23:38 +0000

In reply to no hope. I too felt a lot of feelings of anger and rage. For a long time. It is good you can name them. Journalling helped me a lot. I refer to it as WTF to help me remember what I need to figure out. I journal all that I am feeling, all that I am thinking. I make sure to read it over to see that my thoughts are actually thoughts and feelings are actually feelings and not vice versa. Then I write down what it is I want right now. What do I need. And then, who can I tell, who will listen, and who do I need to ask something from. What do I want or need from them. I am finding this takes a lot of practice and I am not always ready to talk and ask for what I need, but with each journalling, and with each conversation, things get a little clearer. It is very hard work. Stay strong. You can do this.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 12:19:19 +0000

In reply to Robert. Dear Robert, I recommend you try to get your spouse to see a CEN therapist with you. This must be addressed and a CEN therapist will help you both do that.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 12:01:58 +0000

In reply to no hope. Dear No Hope, it is crucial that you either see a therapist with your wife or, if she's not willing, go on your own. This situation is most definitely harming your health. Please talk with a professional.

By: no hope

no hope — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 18:27:49 +0000

It means a life of misery if you and your spouse are emotionally unavailable. My wife and I both come from abusive alcoholic homes. Neither of us can tolerate our own nor each other’s emotions, unless they are “good” emotions. My issue is that I was completely shut down to all feelings for 60 years. I started working on this 2 years ago, but the only feelings I’ve gotten in touch with so far are rage and fear. My spouse cannot tolerate those, and she shuts me down if I express so much as an unpleasant thought, let alone feeling. The only thing worse than a life of no feeling when one robotically pretends to be like everyone else, is to be in touch with feelings that no one will accept. I don’t know how much my suppressed feelings hurt me before, but being consciously aware of constant, alternating rage and fear but not being able to express it is torture.