Comments on: What Triggers Abandonment Issues? 4 Ways to Heal

By: Diana Diana

Diana Diana — Fri, 05 Jan 2024 18:48:48 +0000

In reply to Hritika. Hritika, so sorry about what happened in your childhood. Praying for your life and may you have faith that you´ll get through this. I can tell you that being consistent in time talking with a trusted friend or community can help you.

By: Hritika

Hritika — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 17:51:47 +0000

I was 5 when my mom was diagnosed for cancer. My entire childhood had bagged me with responsibilities with that of an adult. I went days without meeting my parents as they had to leave very frequently for my mom’s treatment. I had to live at my aunt’s place and she used to make my life a living hell. I had a few friends to talk to, but they were least interested to know what I’m going through. I thought maybe faking being OK might help me to neglect my emotions but all it did was to make them worse. After my mom died, I had a lot of family issues and it took me a long time to build a bond with my father. I never remember him sitting next to me and ask me how I am. He used to assume all the time that I was OK. Later, I had been a victim of prolonged narcissistic abuse and it drained all the peace that I’ve ever had. I also got cheated twice in my relationships and got abandoned. Even if I try hard to heal, there are a lot of traumas I will need to endure. Even now, there is no one to empathise or maybe someone I could talk to.

By: Stacy

Stacy — Mon, 10 Jul 2023 04:48:00 +0000

My entire childhood was filled with abandonment. Both my mother and farther were in and out of prison due to their drug addictions. When I was about 5 me and my twin brother were sent to stay with my grandmother. Whenever they came home from jail they’d promise things would be different but we were always disappointed. My grandmother wasn’t good with helping us with our emotions and actually made things worse at times revealing her resentment of taking care of us with the last few good years of her life. And also at times making us feel like a burden. Now I feel like I get overly attached in relationships and crushed when they come to an end.

By: Nick

Nick — Thu, 29 Jul 2021 15:58:49 +0000

At 5 my father had to be in the hospital for 3 months. My mother had to go to work and I was left alone during the day and my sister came home at lunch and left and worried what would happen to me if no one came back. One day many years later my mother asked me to drive her somewhere and I told her I had plans.. she said Ok.. When I came home she couldn’t talk and had had a stroke. She died 3 days later and I always felt she had abandoned me… Stupid… Now I have fears of abandonment if my wife dies.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 13:34:04 +0000

In reply to Sandla. Dear Sandra, our human brains are wired to our parents. We need approval and affection from our parents our entire lives. I'm sorry you've experienced so much pain and I encourage you to work on it and try to help yourself feel better. You deserve more and better.

By: Sandla

Sandla — Sun, 21 Feb 2021 20:37:37 +0000

hi my name is sandra
after reading i have come to realize i never,expected much,
it was my mom my sister had cancer when i was 7.but even before that i grew up hearing she wanted a girl funny thing out of 7kids 2more daughters later but there was no newborn pic of me.
no hugs no kisses no words.i was cheated on all the time it like ok bye. First and2time lost my favorite brothers i was 31he 32 and 54.
then grandma but the pain when wy daughter went to,college and in a blink had no time. I loved her like i wanted to be. She would come call but i was not special. Then mom died after alheimer and i was and still am nobody know me. After the will as lies they all abandoned me as well.
most of the time if,i do try to end up dealing with them hit that twigger i am angry and yelling. Right now dont trust so i stay alone. I am find till i hear my girls voice and its not her the one, i raised so i get angry and get off the phone. I think i am in a protective mode now. Nobody but my dog ZOE. I talk to people but not interested in being close i say why they will leave too. oh yeah my CNE FIRST NOTICE 19 YRS AGO FULL OUT 9 YEARS AGO WHEN MOM DIED.
QUESTION WHY DO I MISS AND LOVE THE ONE WHO CAUSE ALL OF THIS TO BEGIN WITH?

By: Alexa

Alexa — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 12:24:27 +0000

I found this all so very helpful even the CEN questionnaire and I jumped right over to order your book for this. I look forward to truly healing and recovering. Thank you!

By: Ange

Ange — Sun, 13 Sep 2020 21:26:02 +0000

Hi, I am trying to understand this horrible feeling inside my stomach and chest. My ex has introduced his new girlfriend to his parents and they have stopped communicating with me. I was with my ex for 23 years and we have 3 children (15, 17, 19 yrs). Even though I was unhappy in the marriage because of his constant anger and way of talking down to me, I still stayed and tried to make it work, with repeated couples therapy, individual therapy (for me) and family therapy. Even after he almost killed the younger two by dangerous driving, screaming and swerving and threatening to crash the car when he was in a rage (I was not in the car at the time), I still stayed for 2 more years. It was when he had the next major outburst, targeted again at our middle daughter, that everything came to a head. The children told me that they would move out if he came back. All of them were majorly affected. I coincidentally did an OH&S course at my new job at that time which showed me that what was going on was domestic violence (emotional abuse). It was a big shock. I decided right then that it had to end. I did end it, even though his rage got worse and it felt really dangerous (even though he was not in the house anymore). I never told his parents what was going on because I thought they wouldn’t understand. His mother is a lot like him with rage etc. They were very upset. My father, ex, ex’s mother and my middle daughter all have Aspergers. I used to think my ex’s abusive behaviour was something he couldn’t help because of the Aspergers, but now I do not think this is the case (still not sure). I know the feeling I am feeling is abandonment and rejection and jealousy. Even though we have been separated for 1.5 years and the divorce is almost finalised, and even though my rational brain knows I did the right thing by leaving (even though officially he left because he was the one who said he wanted a divorce), I still feel emotionally connected to him. Especially thinking of him having sex with his new girlfriend cuts me up inside because that used to be something that was just ours as a couple. I am not with anyone else and do not want to be for a long time. I am afraid I will attract the same type of person unless I heal myself. I tell myself that I am learning to respect, know and love myself, but a part of my brain is saying that’s just because no-one else loves me, so that’s why I’m trying to love myself. I feel like a desperate loser, who is not sexy, too serious and too childish. But I know that in reality I am actually a very passionate and playful person and I had no trouble at all expressing myself sexually. Intellectually I know that this must be abandonment trauma, but I don’t understand it properly. I have bought both your books and keep trying to find a therapist who understands, but just thought you might have some insights to help me with this feeling. The feeling is so strong and I don’t know how to work through it and release it. Thank you for your time.

By: Stewart

Stewart — Sun, 27 Oct 2019 18:01:18 +0000

I’m a divorced father and I haven’t seen my children for 9 years. My ex and I were separated for a couple of years before divorce and she persuaded me that it was better for me to stay away and she would come back once I had sorted things out (I had lost my job and money). She met someone else and decided on divorce and the court decided I should not get any physical contact with my kids (but I could send them presents). She has now moved country. I am trying to get them back to my country since the move was illegal, but my son has written a letter saying that I never tried to have a relationship with him and so he does not want one with me, and that he loves his mother and stepfather. My issue is that his beliefs are untrue – I spent well over a year fighting for the most contact I could and have sent him presents regularly as directed by the Court (though I suspect they have been intercepted). I’ve also done other things, which he wouldn’t know about, to keep in touch with his education and health. I’m not sure whether it is best for him that I carry on trying to get him returned or, at least, correct his views about our relationship which might damage his relationship with his mother, or to leave him in what seems to be a stable situation, even though he thinks I don’t care about him.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 26 Aug 2019 17:40:17 +0000

In reply to Kelly. Thank you for sharing your story Kelly!