Comments on: When Both Members of a Couple Have Childhood Emotional Neglect

By: Sherri

Sherri — Wed, 23 Jun 2021 04:39:30 +0000

Thanks Dr Webb, I’ve been reading your articles and watching your videos for about a year… and talking about them with my husband. We’re both raised by parents who were also raised through CEN. A few days ago he told me about this doctor he’d found on the internet with videos that described perfectly his feeling of being alone inside his family – of course that is you. I’ve bought Running on Empty and we’re both looking forward to reading it.
We’re both far enough down the line to recognise that we were raised in CEN and don’t blame our parents because it happened to them too. My problem is I still very much blame my mother in law for the issues her behaviour brings into my relationship with my husband. My family are detached and his are enmeshed so the effects of the intergenerational CEN in his family show up at least once a week, but my family might go for months without it coming up. Any suggestions for me to try to manage my response to my mother in law’s problematic input?

Thanks

By: Jonice

Jonice — Fri, 31 Jul 2020 18:37:03 +0000

In reply to Blj. Dear BLJ, I think all you can do is help yourself in this situation. I encourage you to seek a CEN therapist from the list under the HELP tab on this site. A professional may be able to help you understand what's gone wrong and whether there's anything you can do to reach your stepson and husband.

By: Blj

Blj — Fri, 31 Jul 2020 16:48:03 +0000

Hello Dr Jonice,

I love my husband with all my heart. I desperately want to figure out what is trying to destroy our marriage. This is each our 2nd marriage. My husband grew up very emotionally neglected. It was very sad. My heart breaks for him. He filed for divorce. I don’t want a divorce. He says I struggle with anger and have tried to come between him and his son. Honestly, I never intentionally tried to come between him and his son. I was only trying to be his wife. I have tried for 2 years to fix it, unfortunately, his son refuses to be anywhere I am or talk/text/call anything. I genuinely believe if I could talk to him we could work this out and be stronger because this. My husband feels torn like he has to choose. I hate this for him but I don’t know how to fix it. My husband goes into the silent mode all the time. For days. Even 1 month before. This is extremely taxing on me emotionally. What can I do? Do I quit, even if I don’t want to lose my marriage? Since he already filed? I am desperate for guidance. Thank you in advance for reading my message and any guidance you may be able to offer. Sincerely, Blj

By: Jonice

Jonice — Fri, 26 Jun 2020 14:01:49 +0000

In reply to Lara. Dear Lara, alcohol takes up a lot of space in a relationship. If your husband is giving up that easily, it must be painful for you. Perhaps some space from him will allow you to feel your feelings and start paying more attention to yourself and your feelings.

By: Lara

Lara — Wed, 24 Jun 2020 11:24:59 +0000

you have described my husband and I (married 25 years about to separate).
I am reading “running on empty” that is me! Finally I can understand why my childhood didn’t feel right even though everyone told me is was idyllic.
Generally I ignore or unaware of emotions and strong emotions set off depression. My husband ignores emotions through apathy and alcohol.
I’ve tried various therapies and had regular talking therapies, I’ve trained in therapy to medium level. My husband will not entertain therapy.
My feelings towards him change like the wind which I tried to hide but I can’t do it anymore and he just accepts that it’s over “time to move on” and I’m thinking great no more emotions, apart from depression when we say goodbye.