Comments on: Why Emotional Neglect and Depression Are Often Experienced Together

By: Joanna

Joanna — Sun, 17 Jan 2021 19:23:13 +0000

In reply to Ben.

Hi Ben, you have described exactly how I felt when it happened to me. When I realised how and why my life had played out the way it had, the grief and anger was overwhelming. I couldn’t make sense of anything – It really is like stepping out of the matrix!
I was so lost, and I still feel that way sometimes, but I hold on to the fact that if I start listening to what my body is trying to tell me instead of dismissing it as wrong, I’ll be able to live the life that is mine. Change is slow, but it is happening. I think it’s CS Lewis that wrote ‘you can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending’
Good luck changing that ending!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 14:07:28 +0000

In reply to Jhaslyn. Dear Jhaslyn, it is quite common for a parent to neglect one child and not another. It can be a result of many different factors. I encourage you to take your own neglect seriously and start working your way out of it. There are lots of free resources on this website to help you do that.

By: Jhaslyn

Jhaslyn — Tue, 12 Jan 2021 22:17:31 +0000

I feel like my mother neglected me emotionally due to her own childhood. Not that her own parents (well her mother) did not care about my moms emotions but that my mom took on the responsibility of taking care of everything and no longer being the child. The crazy thing is, I have a sister, and my mom does everything for my sister, cares so deeply about her emotions and they can talk about anything. Is it possible to emotionally neglect one child and not the other one even though the parent obviously has a problem being there for one of their children.

Thanks,

Jhas

By: Ben

Ben — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 18:17:06 +0000

I’m 41 years old and am just now recognizing, let alone dealing with, my CEN. I feel like I just woke up from the Matrix – like I’m now aware of living in a reality that I was previously oblivious to. This epiphany that I had, brought on by a falling out with my father, has put me in a deep depression for which I am now in therapy and taking medication. Nothing in my life has been easy; everything has felt like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Relationships. Education. Jobs. I absolutely feel like ‘some life’ has chosen me, rather than the other way around. Maybe you’d think this recent enlightenment would be empowering, but it’s actually been crippling for me. The sense of loss is overwhelming, and I don’t know what to do about my stagnant, unfulfilling career and my failing marriage. I feel like I’ve run myself into a dead end and it’s too late (at 41 years old) to turn back around. True happiness seems unattainable.

Just FYI, my parents divorced when I was 2. My father is an extreme narcissist and my mother (whom I was primarily raised by) is an alcoholic and likely has histrionic personality disorder. A devastatingly bad combination of role models.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Wed, 21 Aug 2019 21:03:43 +0000

In reply to Kate. Dear Kate, your husband is lucky to have a caring wife who wants to help. I recommend my second book for you, as it has exercises for couples to do together to grow close emotionally. Your husband should read it too if possible. All my best wishes to you both!

By: Kate

Kate — Wed, 21 Aug 2019 14:26:47 +0000

Hi Jonice,
I am a couples therapist and I recently learned that my husband suffers from CEN. We have been together for 15 years. He shares that he feels lack of passion, chronic dissconnection (despite a deep desire for connection), worthlessness etc. He also is feeling more depressed having read your book, which I suspect is him grieving the lost childhood, but I am wondering what can help heal him. Knowing emotions as you suggest etc is helpful but even good feelings are hard for him. We are participating in Emotionally Focused Couplese therapy— which I hope will repair some of the attachment injuries. How else can I help him? He is suffering.
Best
K

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 21:25:42 +0000

In reply to Jane De Vries. Thank you for your kind words Jane. You can use the Identifying & Naming and the IAAA exercises from the book Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect to get in touch with your feelings. It works!

By: Jane De Vries

Jane De Vries — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 20:43:14 +0000

In reply to Leah. God bless you Leah. Thanks for sharing so openly. I can resonate with your childhood, being treated as if invisible. I want to encourage you not to give up, as I feel that way often. I'm alot older than I feel maturity. But, I'm constantly working on it through various resources. If we're still breathing, we can still move forward. I give you major thumbs up for raising a young man!! You chose to do it differently. Keep up the good fight, never, ever, give up!! I pray God will bless you daily and you will experience His Amazing Grace!! Jane

By: Jane De Vries

Jane De Vries — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 20:34:56 +0000

Above in your article about “Finding Meaning,” towards the end, you stated we can learn a new way to allow yourself to feel, and also, use your current feelings too. Is there an exercise I could do? I have stuffed every negative word my father harassed me with and to deal with my mother’s neglect, I treated it as normal, probably stuffing that as well. I look at pictures when I was 8 months old, I want to cry. This little girl looked confused and unattached to anything. It’s a wonder I didn’t end up in the gutter. God’s Amazing Grace. If you have time, please answer through my email: jndevries2@gmail.com. You sacrificially give out so much information, you deserve an award. Everyone that reads your materials knows you are brilliant in helping us figure out, make sense, and “live.” There’s so much to figure out and process. You are a gift from God!! Thank you Dr. Jonice. Don’t stop.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 17:34:23 +0000

In reply to Beverley Mills. Dear Beverley, I can't tell from your description what is going on exactly. I would recommend that you check the CEN Find A Therapist Page because there are therapists on it from all over the world. It's not just the US.