Comments on: Why You May Have Unclaimed Charisma: Childhood Emotional Neglect

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 16:53:11 +0000

In reply to Angela. Dear Angela, that is what we humans unconsciously do. I'm so glad you are realizing what's happening and are on the path to taking action for your own sake and your kids. All my best wishes to you!!

By: Angela

Angela — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 16:43:36 +0000

Thank you so much for this! This puts into words what I have been feeling my whole life.

I think I’ve unconsciously selected a partner that continues the emotional neglect – and now I am concerned I have been repeating this behavior with my own kids at times. I bought your books and now I need to find time to do the work.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Fri, 17 Jul 2020 15:00:32 +0000

In reply to Heather. I'm so glad, Heather. Thank you for listening and using my work well.

By: Heather

Heather — Thu, 16 Jul 2020 20:46:46 +0000

Dr. Webb, thank you for putting a label on something I’ve dealt with my whole life! I can also relate to NN in that I too over-analyze but I always thought it was just about trying to figure myself out – I didn’t know that too is part of CEN! Oof. Your information is some of the most valuable I’ve come across! Thank you!!

By: Trisha J Thomas

Trisha J Thomas — Tue, 07 Jul 2020 05:31:32 +0000

Thank you for the useful and informative article. I always enjoy your articles! I am grateful to be on your mailing list.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 13:34:50 +0000

In reply to Val. Good for you, Val. You are right, it is never too late!

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 13:30:42 +0000

In reply to No name. Dear NN, when we are disconnected from our emotions, we can become over-reliant on our thoughts. Therapists call it "intellectualizing." CEN people are very prone to it, and it can make other people feel shut out or unable to connect to you the way they would like. I encourage you to start taking the steps of CEN recovery. Consider the possibility that beginning to value your feelings more could make a significant difference for you.

By: Val

Val — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 02:19:43 +0000

Thank you for this highly useful article. During this time of Covid-19, I’m learning so much about healthy habits, and this article helps me understand more about the everyday dynamics around me, rather than simply criticise others for being wan—s !
Yes I have a CEN background, and it’s often easier to criticise others, because it’s what I learned. I’m a work in progress tho’, and thanks to your work in this area, I’m changing my life for the better. It’s never too late at 73 !
best wishes to you

By: No name

No name — Sun, 05 Jul 2020 19:41:47 +0000

Hi! An “odd” question, but is cen somehow related to that, that I have always had very much analytical mind? I can analyze and deep-think everything. Maybe that’s why I found you and all this information about cen too, because I have this need to understand “cause and effect” and everything profoundly! 🙂
Sometimes this tendency can be almost obsessive and feel that I cannot “just” relax. But also, I have a curious mind and interest to study everything in detail. As a trivial example, I can buy a lipstick and read with great interest its chemical composition in all its details 🙂 Or if a romantic relationship fails, I can spend months (if not years) reflecting my own behaviour about “what went wrong”.
Sometimes analytical mind is an advantage. Maybe that’s why it was for example relatively easy to graduate from the university, do research etc. where this ability to focus on details and think analytically is really needed!
But: sometimes even a friend (?) has said “you think too much”. And my mother can quite clearly express both verbally and non-verbally, that I’m “too much”, a burden for her (to listen), she basically blames-shames me that I am “this way”. I think I was just born this way, it’s not my fault 🙁
This is all very painful for me. Not only (as a child, and even now as an adult) my feelings were neglected, parents telling me what I “should/shouldn’t” feel, but also people are trying to tell me what/how/how much I am “allowed” to think!! I think that is almost violent, in essence these people are telling me that my true being-ness, is somehow not ok.
Ever since childhood I have felt that people do not like, accept, approve the real, true me, that I must hide it and be people-pleasing, that I must figure out how I “should be” for other people, instead of “just be”. It’s painful when I feel that people don’t really like me. When they criticize me, I feel shame about myself. I cannot understand why, because I’m decent, benevolent, friendly, sweet person, yep and also this tendency to analyze so much 🙂 Nobody is perfect, then why of all the people in the planet I feel that is required from just ME? 🙁
This is really heart-breaking question Jonice, but is there really something wrong with me, should I change or “fix” something in me? I spend most of my time alone or with pets, because I feel somehow I cannot be whole, authentic, genuine with other people (I’m a woman by the way). And I would really, really love to connect genuinely with other people!!