Does she drink often?
It is possible to find help creating boundaries with your daughter and support from those in similar situations through Al-Anon. Al-Anon is a free program for friends and family of alcoholics. When you work the program with a sponsor you can gain helpful relationship tools and insights that help grow healthy relationships. The support found in Al-Anon gives people the courage to make necessary changes and implement the healthy boundaries needed for changed relationships based in (hopefully eventual) mutual respect and love. After working the program for 3 years, it has allowed me to mature emotionally, take ownership over my part in things, listen better to my core being who helps me identify my needs and purpose, choose faith in the unknown over what is normal and comfortable out of fear, and gain enough trust to invest worthily in my life.
We are waiting for beautiful, brave women like you. You are capable of affecting the world possitivly for your grand(s), and maybe even your daughter, but only when you change the world for the better for yourself first.
Sending much hope and love,
Colette

Hi B, I’m glad you found this article helpful. I’m afraid I never wrote the other article (actually it’s a topic that will be covered in my second book, which I’m writing now). Thanks for the reminder, I’ll try to write that article, so watch for it! Take care.

Hello Renee,
Your daughters behavior seems to be more about alcohol addiction than any ill feeling toward you- even though she lashes out at you- or any available target. Do not take it personally, Renee- it’s not about you, it’s about her addiction. Please don’t cut her out of your life, addiction is an illness, and both she and your grandchildren need stability and support. You can get help and understanding of the problem through ALANON- an AA program for families who are affected by alcohol addiction. If she lashes out at you, her children may be at risk of abuse or neglect also. Stay connected if only for their sake. Learn all you can about alcoholics and their behaviors and do not take it personally. Your daughter is in pain, and that pain is equal to the amount of anger and dysfunction that you are witnessing. You must protect yourself at the same time, and learning about alcohol addiction is your best defense. Good Luck- I hope your daughter finds recovery. The nice person you used to know is still in there- buried under the pain of addiction. She needs your unconditional love, but that doesn’t mean you should let her abuse you. Alanon will help you be safe, create healthy boundaries and contribute to her eventual sobriety. Don’t give up. Many find their way out of the addiction trap, and your daughter can too. Help your grandchildren all you can- they will need you. I wish you the best- I am the Mother of an addicted son. Never give up.

I can somewhat relate to you.I’m 40 and my son is going to 21 this year and in June he’s having my first grandchild and I should be happy but I’m not. He hasn’t been a loving son for 7 1/2 yrs and last August after my DH was killed over at his place was the end of our relationship we once had. He never liked my DH and told the whole world that he didn’t so when this happened I and a number of friends felt he had something to do with it. Nobody could prove it but my gut tells me otherwise all the time. I also can’t be happy because when my DH and I were pregnant my son called me every name in the book and swore he’d not claim our baby as his little brother! Just last month I tried to invite him over to be with the baby for his 2nd birthday but that was a big mistake. He left but not before saying I was never there enough for him and he’s definitely not going to parent his child like me. So yes I’ve made the decision to cut him off for good as it’s affecting my ability to love/care for my husband’s and my baby. You have to do what is right for your well being! As I’ve even been told by his grandma, you’ve raised him as best you can. Good luck xx

HI RICH DC,
Thank-you for your reply and sharing what has helped you in dealing with your mom. I’m looking into getting a therapist. I have never heard of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy but will look into that as well. That’s great you have gotten help through therapy. Thanks again for your feedback.