Comments on: 10 Things Childhood Emotional Neglect is NOT

By: PaulM

PaulM — Sun, 28 Jan 2024 20:35:50 +0000

Dear Jonice, I’ve just started reading your book eyeing immediately for references to my own situation. I couldn’t find it directly but could you please give some guidance as where in the book to look for guidance on the effects of losing your parents at a young age (dad at 11 and mum at 20, with the latter being part of traumatic experiences with gradual and gruesome decaying of her body). So the lack of parents being there. At 62 I still can’t talk about these events without crying intensely. And I think it has contributed greatly to behavioral addictions that basically has now ruined my private life. Can you advise by pointing to relevant passages or alternative literature? In dire need to understand myself. Thank you.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Fri, 24 Nov 2023 14:44:40 +0000

In reply to Janice. Dear Janice, I agree! I say it is not abuse to help people see CEN as a subtle, invisible, non-event and to stop lumping it in with abuse. I'm trying to differentiate it from abuse to highlight its significance and specialized effects.

By: Janice

Janice — Fri, 10 Nov 2023 19:03:40 +0000

I deeply disagree with it not being abuse. To deny someone’s life and value is to abuse their soul and existence in the most traumatizing way possible.

By: Jonice

Jonice — Mon, 22 Nov 2021 17:00:19 +0000

In reply to Sharon. In my experience, 6 Yes answers is a sign of some level of CEN. 12 is even more so.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Sun, 21 Nov 2021 23:01:07 +0000

So how many yes answers do I have to have to have CEN? I have 12

By: Kate

Kate — Mon, 15 Mar 2021 13:09:28 +0000

I have come to realise that I didn’t have a ‘normal’ childhood, and how my parents treated me wasn’t quite normal. In short, I was often excluded from family activities/ outings. When I asked why afterwards, I was blamed for not participating (even when I was directly told not to beforehand). I often took blame and punishment for things that ‘went wrong’ in the family. Lost items, being late, costing too much etc. My mother would tell neighbours stories that made her glow in a favourable light, but made me look bad. One bright spot, was my parents lack of interest in my schooling. I was able to excel at school, and receive sufficient enjoyment from my studies. During parent/teacher interviews when my teachers gave a glowing report, my parents would embarrass me by saying that they must have the wrong student. As a child, if I ever hurt myself I was just told to get up and stop crying, as no one wants to hear that. I could go on and on. I know parents learn behaviours from their parents… but after talking to their siblings (my aunts etc), their childhood was happy, spoilt even. Where did my parents go so wrong?

By: Ashley

Ashley — Fri, 04 Dec 2020 15:20:35 +0000

I’ve just come into contact with your work and have many questions. It resonates with me on a deep level. I believed that I was emotionally / verbally abused, and still do, but as I read more about CEN, it seems to ring true as well. Is it possible that emotional / verbal abuse could complicate CEN or vise versa? Is it possible that there could be both? The negative talk, put downs and everything that comes with that kind of abuse along with the ignoring of or lack of acknowledgment of emotional needs or the emotions that arise because of the abuse…

By: Jonice

Jonice — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 16:00:17 +0000

In reply to Alex. Dear Alex, we are not looking to declare CEN parents as "bad" at all or blame them. It's only a matter of trying to understand what went wrong for you and accepting that you were deeply affected by it.

By: Alex

Alex — Fri, 13 Nov 2020 21:04:40 +0000

Jonice, I identify with so many of the items listed in your questionairre. Both my parents, too, experienced CEN when they were young. At 30, I have a good relationship with them, and feel loved and validated. But when I think to my childhood, the ways I may have experienced CEN seem unclear to me. I recall that they were loving, interested, encouraging. I do know that I’ve sought to idealize and protect my childhood. Could they have been caring about my emotions, and simply not equipped as parents? The bottom line– I am intensely resistant to the idea that they were bad parents. What can I do?

By: R

Tue, 10 Nov 2020 03:34:43 +0000

In reply to Jonice. Thank you for your response. :) I’m working on those boundaries and definitely will get the book for further guidance.