58 Ways to Label and Express Your Sadness

I have not been able to find the extensive Feeling Word list mentioned on page 81 in book.

VERY HELPFULL ARTICLE, last time I am very depressed about my life, be happy always very informative article

Dear Jonice,

Thank you for writing this article as I feel like sadness is an emotion a lot of people around me want to suppress within me. As someone who recently realized that I am emotionally stunted and sheltered at age 25, it makes me feel mortified. Because of this it can be hard to exude positive emotions to other people and make friends because I am so sad and empty on the outside so it is like I don’t have real fun love to give. Now it feels like I need to teach myself social and emotional skills but I don’t know how to do that alone. How would you suggest forgiving yourself and moving forward in this.

Dear Jonice,
I feel so comforted by this article and can attest to the feeling of underlying sadness a lot of the time. It’s interesting because I struggle with being emotionally immature and not having the social and emotional skills for everyday life. I feel like that makes it hard for me to make friends and exude positive energy because I am so empty myself. This is the hardest challenge because I don’t know who can teach me these things. I want to improve and not be socially awkward my whole life 🙁 Do you have suggestions for how to teach myself this in adulthood?

I resonate with this article and the sadness that can underlying CEN. I think for me I’ve seen how that can make me less positive and so I struggle to make friends because of it. I feel like I’ve missed out on connections because I don’t have exude the love I want to receive. How do you think we can forgive the ourselves for this?

Defeated. I feel and have felt many many other emotions throughout my life, but after going through countless therapists, many different drugs and combinations of drugs and therapy including TMS, “defeated” sums it all up.

The way I really got in touch with some of my feelings was through the power of the paintings of Rothko. Some of his paintings really make me want to burst into tears. It is as though there is an emotion that completely mixes sadness with joy. My treat I have for myself is to buy each year a Rothko calendar when I can. It may well not be Rothko for everyone but it is worth I think experimenting with looking at pictures for a long time. The other thing is opera. I find Italian when it is sung very therapeutic – even though I don’t understand the words I feel instinctively what the singer means and how they feel. It opens me up so I can feel it too. Walls dissolve in my mind. I am sure this is a very common experience but no less valuable for that.

Hi Janice,
As I shared with you/your readers before on psych central, I grew up in an environment where we weren’t taught about feelings, the bad ones (sadness, fear, anger, jealousy etc) weren’t allowed or we were punished or threatened if we showed them. Not by our mom but she never really told us about emotions and with some of the scary, sad or hard stuff, HER reactions were to: deny, go to work, or just shut down. My former stepfather didn’t validate ANY of us. His reaction was to say things like “If you don’t shut up I’ll give you something to REALLY cry about” or we would be called things like “quit being such a sissy/” candy-ass ” etc. If the little kids were playing too loud he would threaten “I’m gonna tear your arm off if you don’t behave!” Kids tend to take things pretty literally. That one used to scare us!
As an adult, I minimize sadness a lot because feelings in general seem like being out of control and also, like overreacting which is what I was told (one of many) during the sexual abuse if I cried in pain or fear or confusion. After a short while, I could go through it stone faced and not shed a tear but then he would demand that I smile while he was doing stuff. THAT messes with a person’s head!
So mostly if I am sad I wait until it either feels unbearable or until the other thing hits. Is feeling “numb” a feeling? Or feeling “shut down?” I can more easily admit to those on occasion!
Lori a.k.a. “Velveteen Rabbit”

I think it would be really good if psychologists and psychiatrists did more research on the different cocktails of emotions there are and how they can lead into each other. I know we are all very complex and individual but we share a humanity and understanding emotional trends humans tend to have might help us. Also there is more linguistic work to be done as of course different languages describe emotions in different ways. Understanding how different languages and different cultures have different words and ways of understanding emotion would I hope bring us all closer together. Just look at all the ancient Greek words for love.

I think my daughter and I trying to communicate with our emotions. And it’s not easy. I am 68 and she is 40. We are sure of our love but have a hard time. I always tried to give her more in the area of emotions with out fully
Understanding. And unintentionally because I want in touch with mine it’s hard at times to understand hers. I’m hoping this one word less talk will help!! Thank you!

These words are related to sadness, but I’m not certain if they fit into your framework. alone, isolated, invisible.

I’ve had a recurring feeling of being ashamed of making mistakes as a child and teenager. Some were self-destructive in certain ways, but that wasn’t the intention. Parents especially mother had a problem with mistakes. It was all about how they were a blot on your character. Or that’s how I perceived it back then. Still have trouble forgiving myself for the mistakes I’ve made in my life. I think believing that it had to mean I was of low character to have made those mistakes makes it hard for me to forgive myself.

Not welcome

Dr. Jonice, thanks so much 🙂 for taking the time to compile your profound articles. I adore your compassion & expertise! Providing individuals an opportunity to take a step back, to take a much-needed *pause* from quotidian routines & breaking-free from the [‘enstiflement’] confining, invisible chains of being told/reminded to be a ‘quiet’, ‘seen-but-not-heard ‘good child’ is cathartic. Your helpful word lists further inspire me to crack open, as well, Roget’s Thesaurus towards further discovery, emotional release, & healing from CEN. [add’l streams-of-consciousness: dejected, melancholy, forlorn, sobby, weepy, wailful…]

I have had some distressing times with Workers Compensation agents and workplace disability agents. Words I found to voice my experience: invalidated, ignored, made invisible, discounted, disrespected, having my experience and reality invalidated…I struggle to find words to describe the distress…

worthless, overwhelmed, Invalid,

Heavy Hearted:
Not had and then lost;
Now know I never had.

In terms of my emotions I find it difficult to allow myself to feel sad without accusing myself of self pity. This is I think because while I was growing up my parents were very critical of my schoolwork calling it “careless” and when I was upset and cried about this they would say “Look at you. You are really are wallowing in self pity” I don’t think self pity is a helpful emotion but at the same time I think if one is feeling sad or low or gloomy or despondent one needs to recognise it. Only then can one transcend this if indeed this is appropriate.

Regret, Regretful

Rachel, when I first started trying to name my emotions, I found that there were/still at times is/are more than one. I guess this happens, for me, because all of my emotions had/have been pushed down so far, they got stuck together.
Bringing them to awareness, even when you don’t know what it is, does seem to shine light and clarify things over time.
Keep up the good work!

Is there any way to wean us off the use of “black” as a word in this context/ category? In USA 2020, using language consciously seems important and useful to bring awareness to.

I really found this to be helpful, and I’m going to try to refer back to it often. Can you PLEASE do this for other emotions…like Fear/Feeling Scared? Sometimes I just can’t name what I’m feeling…now I know exactly why, but I’m going to need help with the words. Having a list put in front of me removes the barrier to just starting. Thank You so much for this!

Hi!
It’s interesting, when I read your list…often when I have an emotion, the automatic thought is “I shouldn’t feel this way”. Today I thought, “says WHO??” 🙂 Maybe it’s the voice of a childhood programming, to be people pleasing and not “upset” my parents. But now as an adult, of course I do not want to intentionally upset (or burden) anyone with my feelings. But maybe there’s a difference what I privately feel when I’m alone with myself but then not lash out or “project” that feeling on to other people..when it indeed becomes a burden to them?
I recently read something interesting, if in childhood parents are at least 30% of time attuned and emotionally validating etc. then the child is able to develop normally to become a balanced adult. I experienced emotional neglect and many type of abuse. But I’ve often thought how “surprisingly” normal, wise and successful I’ve become anyway! Maybe because my mother and other caregivers were able to “compensate” and repair the damage done by my dad. 30% doesn’t sound that much, I think it is kind of relief to hear that no parent is or has to be 100% perfect all the time! But I do have noticed the strange effects of cen in my adulthood, maybe that’s why I found you Jonice in the first place 🙂 Also as an adult, I have been on “repeat” and attracted many abusive partners, but now when I’ve started to notice this subconscious pattern…well, I’m working on it!
I also read, that if in childhood the moments of disconnection with parents are followed by connection with them…then it is not so harmful. My dad was abusive and sometimes drunken, then sometimes caring and actually pretty good dad. Isn’t this even more confusing to a child? It feels unsafe when someone’s behaviour is so unpredictable. Hurts and horrible to say this, but I think for the logical mind it would be easier, if someone would be abusive 100% time. Either way, it wasn’t and isn’t my fault or responsibility at all, if someone chooses to behave abusive way. It’s entirely their responsibility. Realising this has also been a huge relief to me! There never was anything defective or wrong in ME.

Thank you for this. I can say through my journey to be emotionally healthy and heal from what I now know is CEN…along the way I have had to identify with a word to describe different emotions and feeling. And it has been so freeing and helpful in continuing on.

A word I recently came upon was..dismissed or dismissive…which actually came about because I have felt unheard and had no voice with my aging parents even to this day. As I felt frustrated with them, this was the word that came to me and really described/describes what I have been feeling as I navigate some important issues with them. It amazes me now as I am healthier…that a simple word identifying the moment, emotion or feeling can make such a difference going forward.
Lorena

REGRET – much regret

I am finding- thanks to your CEN work- that learning about and naming my emotions helps me with boundaries. If someone does or says something I don’t like, I am more able to name that feeling and stand up for myself. A bit better anyway.

smad, sangry

An Interesting and useful list of words Jonice. However I think being able to describe these words with a simile is just as relevant and important. Many children are not raised by educated parents but certainly if a parent simply asks ‘how do you feel about …?’ And an answer is “I feel like … ‘ Eg “I feel like I was kicked in the guts” or I felt like disappearing” etc
This creates a base to work on when they do get the words from outside family sources such as formal education, literature, films etc. So it would be great to have a list of similes next to your list of words.

I recently read research that said that it is important to develop more complex vocabulary around positive emotional states. Can you say more about this from your experience in teaching people to recognize and label their emotional experiences?

I am really really struggling