53 Ways to Describe Hurt Feelings

“less than”

Blocked, foreign, angled, whipped, played, a pawn, misled. Yet I never let on that any of these things has any affect because I don’t want to seem “sensitive”. I find myself so frazzled in the moment, I simply accept the treatment, considering that perhaps it is true, and that I must be deserving of that treatment or it would not occur. I continue to be stepped upon, and overlooked when someone else takes my recognition as their own. I thought it was just the job I was at but now it is also happening at my latest job. It must be me. It has to be. Right?
Could my empathic tendencies be linked to having been emotionally stunted? I still want to cry when I see a dead animal on the road. I have a very difficult time controlling my emotions. I’m 53 y/o, sadly.

I was looking for the word “dismissed.”

Misunderstood. Judged. Silenced. Frustrated. Defeated. Erased. Powerless. Unreal.
This is how I feel when family members show no interest in knowing how I truly feel and when I try to explain am just made to feel I am bothering them or am “wrong” in how I feel or see things. They mean well and are not unkind and just want to help me see things the “right” way (their way), or to change the subject to pleasantries but the result is that I feel the above feelings I listed. Also invisible and squelched which are on your list. They are so well meaning though and if I confront them it only results in their feeling being hurt which causes me to then have to add guilt and sad to the list. I’m supposed to only be grateful and not “negative”. Confused could be another word.

Dejected?

I feel Abandoned, useless, overwhelmed, and incapable!

Dear Jonice,

I’m writing to ask for advice. I’ve recently started feeling anger and rejection towards a close friend because I’ve been noticing little by little that her affective insecurity manifests in wanting to know and be part of almost everything, and I feel controlled and slightly manipulated (at an emotional level), and I find that she may be a bit dependent and needy. We’ve become very close friends these past years, and I’m even going to be one of her bridesmaids, so I also feel guilty for my anger and my feelings in general. I think part of the fault is mine: due to CEN I’ve grown to be very adaptable and not very assertive… What do you suggest me to do?

Thank you,

Mary

Hurt, to me, typically triggers a feeling of “emptiness”. It relates to rejection and abandonment.

Dismissed.

A feeling I’ve had numerous times throughout my life, in differing situations and relationships and the feeling of being dismissed continues. And the loudest voice is my own. Very interested in CEN and will be checking back regularly. Thank you for your work.

~~~*pat

Dismissed. A feeling I’ve had numerous times throughout my life and the feeling continues. Very interested in this work and will be checking back regularly. Thank you for your work.

I realize I was fortunate and did not experience this, but I do believe that gaslighting or I was gaslit should be added to the list, esp since it now seems to be common in the modern vernacular.

I feel that I am defective, forsaken, disowned, ostracized and that my sheer existence is regretted. It seems that even if I shared these feelings no one would even care let alone stop what they were doing to hear me say it in the first place.

Dismissed. I came across this article while looking for the list f words to describe feelings, that I thought I had seen before in one of these articles. Does such a list exist, or did I imagine it?

I felt hurt because I sent and email of warmth and concern to a friend who just had a baby. The response was I was ignored,the warmth was not return. Reminded me so much of childhood. Thanks for helping me clearing up my thoughts of childhood past. Adele

Belittled, ignored, bullied

Devastated. Haunted. Shocked.

Shunned.

Traduced: to expose to shame or blame by means of falsehood and misrepresentation.

I sometimes wonder at the reasons for it but I am not myself sufficiently dishonest to understand it. Currently enjoying my estrangement from the guilty parties, despite relatives who are uncomfortable with the split in the family. Reached rock bottom and now say a confident ‘no’.

Worthless, burdensome, weak, incompetent

Censured. I was judged for who I am, discriminated against on something that is no different then my eye color, hair color, height or weight. I was then told by my parents that I had to just accept it, deal with it and tolerate the injustice, discrimination, judgement based on a siblings choices. I had to respect the parents wishes. It was a complete 180 on how I was raised. I was lost, confused, infuriated, self-doubting, conflicted, torn, smothered, ignored and never allowed to give voice to how any of this made me feel. Persecuted, judged, forced, betrayed, the list could go on and on. I was being held accountable for someone else’s choices and the accusations where so unfounded and meant to cut deep to drive me away. I realize that the individual who did this needs to be held accountable, which will never happen but I needed my parents to finally admit what was said was too vile for me to just forgive, forget and let it go because it was family and I had to think of the grand children. If I was dealt with like an adult by the person I was told I had to treat and an adult but the individual making the comments used my parents to deliver their message, so it was delivered and nothing would be allowed to be said and I wasn’t even allowed to discuss it or have an opinion with my parents. This behavior has been tolerated and I had to understand for the last 18 years, warping my sense of worthiness to be a part of the family. Somehow I have forged my own family, who have helped me emotionally recover after a relationship that was so wrong on so many levels and I’ve been doing self-reflection for 2 years, being helped by friends, who treated me better then family, called me on my doubts, encourage my passions, accepted me for me, expected from me what I obligated myself to do and helped me heal to a place where I want a healthy relationship, with a sister that accepts me and parents that at least accept I am an adult and I sure as hell will not live with restrictions that where unheard of, not tolerated or allowed in my childhood. The last sibling, she made her choice, I should be allowed mine.

I’ve ordered both books, can’t wait to read them, I’ve already shared with my Sis who’s dealing with similiar issues.

How about incapable?

Unremarkable

I felt omitted, unloved, frightened, abandoned, cast out, unimportant.

underrated, disrespected, expelled, excommunicated

Hi Jonice. The phrases ‘I feel punished’ or ‘wounded’ often best describes how I feel. By recognising this I have identified that I also punish and wound, something I try hard not to do or, try to change how I word things to make them less wounding or punishing.
I really look forward to reading your articles on CEN as it relates to therapy I am receiving at the moment.

Rejected is how I feel. It’s also my self-fulfilling prophecy. I attract men, jobs, and friends that reject me over and over.

I hope it is safe to post here as I would not want any of my family to see this but my Mother has a sharp, critical tongue. She wields it with the precision of a surgeon. And I have been on the operating table for as long as I wish to be. I know that I have to forgive her for my own sanity. I understand. And I also understand her obsession with my weight. As she is Anorexic. And a Narcissist with a capitol, “N.” My life is comparable to Christina’s in the film, “Mommie Dearest.” I felt so validated seeing that film. She recently hurt me with her words regarding my son’s graduation. Why do I have to do everything she asks me to on her schedule? I want to procede with my life without her but am too afraid to do so. And I’m 54! At her age, I do not see her changing. People change when they get ready. And only then. I’m ready to change.

I am told I am hurting someone’s feelings when I don’t ‘automatically’ give out information about my disability, even with total strangers–who ‘balk’ if I need to know them better or longer to answer that kind of question. Some books say “Go ahead and ask; they would love to share that information with you!” as if feelings are somehow ‘absent’ for a person with a disability. After trying to diplomatically respond and be careful not to give them the impression they are being “hurtful”, it’s become clearer it’s more about “I’m entitled to this information, and I don’t care about what I have to do to get it”. Hopefully your suggestions about a res ponse to this double-bind situation will help.

Alienated.

Ditti to Donna’s comment above…confused, scared, frightened, panic, frozen, overwhelmed, impending doom. Gonna be thrown away again, very unsafe.

Inferior, inept, inadequate, insignificant, unimportant.

thank you for this list. At 72 I am still somewhat overwhelmed by childhood neglect issues. This list helps me to sum up what I want to describe, as opposed to sulking about others incorrect perceptions and doing nothing about them.

Could you add scapegoated to that list too?

Squashed. I was told not to feel the way I felt and that my mother just didn’t understand me. I don’t feel like she or my dad even tried. Looking forward to reading your two CEN books, ordered yesterday. Thank you!

So interested to hear you say it is hard to forgive someone who has done nothing to atone for their actions. I’ve previously been told I should forgive by someone who has done nothing to validate my feelings, so this is really helpful, thank you.

This is good advice but I find that people don’t want to know how we really feel. If I start telling someone how I feel, they look blank and generally change the subject. Generally people like to ignore feelings and pretend they don’t exist. Unless that’s just an English phenomenon and it’s different in America?

Marginalized and minimized, emotionally irrelevant.

Invisible
Brushed Aside
Numb
Isolated

I feel ashamed, ashamed that I could never tell anyone about the sexual abuse I suffered as a child. The fact that I still feel to blame because I joined in, I didn’t scream, I just cried. That night I didn’t want to hug my dad goodnight, the man that hurt me told me that mum and dad were the ones that asked him to help me. I couldn’t trust them. Because I didn’t hug dad, mum would let me hug her. I was the one that needed help but no one was there. I was an adult to them for such an early age because dad was violent to mum. I protected her, yet no one was there to protect me, so then I feel mad. My dad died a few months ago. I am left feeling guilty because I didn’t like him when he died, but that makes me feel so bad. It makes me feel guilty that I couldn’t show him compassion just because they have never shown me any. I feel like I’m such a horrible person. I don’t deserve for good things to happen to me, I feel like I am a bad, disgusting person.
My mum didn’t include me in any of the funeral arrangements, she hasn’t asked me how I am doing, yet have been there every step of the way for her. I am so stuck I just don’t want to continue. I know that’s not the answer but I cannot stand to keep feeling like this.
Bad things happen to me because of what I’ve done and what I’m like. He told me I was bad and I genuinely believe he was right all those years ago.

Thank you for these great labels. I’m learning to not use “fine” as a response and to be more honest with those who are asking. Still trying to forgive my mother who continues to hurt me with her actions and dismissing my feelings

Just thank you Jonice as i have never had anyone give a name to the sort of childhood that i had . All your advice is helping me so much , i have a better understanding of myself .

Insignificant is what I feel.

Unwanted

Dismissed.

I grew up with a sibling with special needs, and to this day I continue to attract people with serious mental illnesses. I cannot seem to shake the notion that wanting to be heard and wanting to recover from CEN are selfish desires. Well-meaning friends and family have reinforced this idea for the past 30 years. It is difficult not to think that if everyone else believes that my needs come last in all situations and that I have no right to set boundaries, then it must be true. I actually kind of hate myself for even writing the words.

Thanks for the helpful list and all of your important work!

Misunderstood is a word my clients use.

Excellent material to assist volunteer telephone crisis counselors – another target audience maybe.