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How Childhood Emotional Neglect Can Make You an Avoidant Adult

You shy away from the limelight. You stay out of trouble. You prefer to stay out of the way. You try not to make waves.

Of all of the kinds of anxiety people can experience, avoidance is probably one of the least studied and least talked about. I think that’s probably because avoidant folks are quiet. They do stay out of the way and they do not tend to make waves.

But, the reality is, avoidance is a serious problem to live with. Take a look at the characteristics of avoidance below. These are some of the symptoms listed in the DSM (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) to identify Avoidant Personality Disorder. Please note that these are not a full description of Avoidant Personality. Do not attempt to use these symptoms to diagnose yourself or someone else. Only a licensed mental health professional is qualified to make a diagnosis.

Secretly feeling inferior to others, and struggling with shame
Reluctance to pursue goals, take risks or meet new people
High sensitivity to criticism, and fear of rejection
Assuming that others see you in a negative light
Trying not to get too close to people
You suspect that you enjoy things less than other people do
Often having anxiety in social situations

You may read through the list above and feel that you are reading about yourself. Even if you answer yes to only some of the items above, it means that you may have an “avoidant style.”

Many people are living their lives with Avoidant Personality disorder. And many, many more folks have an avoidant style. Most avoidant folks fight their own private battles on their own, secretly and quietly.

It is very possible to suffer silently with an intense fear of rejection, closeness, or social situations but still soldier on, essentially unimpaired on the outside, but miserable on the inside.

Now let’s talk about you. Do you see yourself in this description of avoidance? We will talk more about avoidance in a moment. But first, we must discuss Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN). Because I have seen a remarkable connection between Childhood Emotional Neglect and avoidant tendencies in adults.

Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN): When your parents fail to respond enough to your emotions and emotional needs.

What happens to a child whose parents too seldom say, “What’s wrong?” and then listen with care to their answer. How does it affect a child to have parents who are blind to what they are feeling? Parents who, through probably no fault of their own, fail to offer emotional support, or fail to truly see the child for who she is?

Childhood Emotional Neglect teaches you, the child, to avoid feeling, expressing, and needing. You are learning to avoid the very thing that makes you the most real and the most human: your emotions.

When you grow up this way, you grow up feeling invisible, and believing that your emotions and emotional needs are irrelevant. You grow up feeling that your emotional needs should not exist and are a sign of weakness. You grow up to feel ashamed that you have feelings and needs at all.

CEN is a breeding ground for shame, low self-worth, and yes, avoidance.

Five Important Points About Avoidance

Avoidance is actually nothing more than a coping mechanism. If you avoid something that scares you, you do not have to deal with it. That feels like success.
You developed this coping mechanism for a reason in your childhood. You needed it, and it probably, in some way, served you well in your childhood home. It may have been the only coping mechanism you could learn if no one was helping you learn other, more effective ways of coping.
When you use avoidance enough as a way to cope, it eventually becomes your “signature move.” It becomes a solution that you go to over and over again. It becomes your style.
Avoidance feeds fear. The more you avoid what you fear, the more you fear it. Then the more you avoid it. And so on and so on and so on, around and around it goes in an endless circle, growing ever larger.
All of the symptoms of avoidance you saw at the beginning of this article have one common denominator that drives them. It’s a feeling and also a belief. It is this: a deep, powerful feeling that you are not as valid as everyone else. Somehow, on some level, you just don’t matter as much. This is one of the prime consequences of Childhood Emotional Neglect. (I call it The Fatal Flaw.)

It is very difficult to take on challenges in life when you don’t believe in yourself. It’s hard to be vulnerable in relationships when you don’t feel on equal footing with the other person. It’s hard to put yourself out there when you feel so secretly flawed.

This is why you must not let avoidance run your life. You must turn around and face it. Not later. Not tomorrow. But now.

You Can Become Less Avoidant

Answer this question for yourself: What did you need to avoid in your childhood home?
Accept that your avoidance is a coping mechanism that can be replaced by far better, healthier coping skills.
Start observing yourself. Make it your mission to notice every time you avoid something. Start a list, and record every incident. Awareness is a vital first step.
Look through the list, and notice the themes. Is there a trend toward avoiding social situations? Risks? Goals? Feelings? Needs?
Start, little by little, one-step-at-a-time, facing things. How pervasive is your avoidance? If it is everywhere of everything, I urge you to seek a therapist’s help. If you have success on your own, be persistent. Don’t give up, no matter how hard it gets.
Learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect. To find out whether CEN was a part of your childhood, I invite you to take the Emotional Neglect Questionnaire. It’s free.

The more you face things, the less scary they become, and the easier they become to face again, and the more you face. And so on and so on and so on, around and around it goes in an endless circle, growing ever larger.

But this circle is a healthy, strong one that is a reversal of the circle of avoidance that began in your childhood. This circle will take you somewhere healthy and positive and good.

To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect, how it happens, and how it causes avoidance, see the book, Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect.

Childhood Emotional Neglect: Man vs. Woman

“CEN people, both men and women, are exceptionally likable folk. This is part of the tragedy of CEN. These are some of the most lovable people in the world, and yet they feel the most alone.”

I often get asked whether Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) affects men and women differently. My answer is, “yes, it does.” Although the essential effects are the same, some of those effects tend to play out differently in men than in women.

In Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect I tried to represent both genders in my descriptions, examples, and vignettes. Before I talk about this more, I need to mention one large caveat. The differences that I’ve seen between CEN men and women are general descriptions that do not apply across the board. I often see the masculine effects in women and vice-versa. Since there is a significant crossover, please don’t take these differences too firmly or stringently. And definitely, do not think there is something wrong with you if you fit more neatly into the opposite gender. It does not indicate a problem of any kind.

As you look over the table below, you may notice that the differences are not very surprising. In recent years, neuroscientists have found that men have more connections in their brains from front to back and within each hemisphere than women, making them more suited to perception and coordinated actions. Women, on the other hand, have more connections between the hemispheres. This gives women an advantage in the areas of intuition and interpersonal processing.

TABLE OF CEN GENDER DIFFERENCES

Adult CEN Characteristic	Women	Men

Emptiness or numbness	Attempt to fill selves with other people and their needs	Seek adventure to feel something or isolate themselves
Counter-Dependence	Seek to fill others’ needs in place of their own	Fervently embrace and pride themselves on independence & competence
Little Compassion For Self	Harsh judgments drive down self-esteem	Harsh judgments become pressure to be “the best,” often at work. May become driven.
Fatal Flaw	Feel unlikeable or unlovable	Feel invisible and overlooked
Struggles With Self-Discipline	Self-care suffers: eating, exercise, sleep and rest	May become overly or compulsively self-disciplined at times
Alexithymia	May learn the language of emotion but it’s hard to apply it to themselves	Emotions go underground and come out as irritability
Self-Directed Anger and Blame	Anger is directed at themselves and may turn into depression	Anger is more likely to also be turned outward at others

Generally, men and women suffer equally when it comes to CEN. But women tend to be harder on themselves and to become excessive caretakers and givers, ignoring their own needs and feelings. They can end up feeling drained and exhausted because they are not taking care of themselves and have difficulty saying “no” to others.

Men, on the other hand, are more inclined to embrace and value the feelings of isolation and disconnection that go along with CEN. Men with CEN may misperceive their isolation as a sign of masculine strength. Yet these men are also pained by the feeling that they are not connected when they are with other people. They struggle with feeling ignored and overlooked by others but lack the words to express it.

One thing that I have seen over and over in CEN men is an acute discomfort (often anxiety) in large groups of people, especially when they are expected to socialize. In these situations, their intensive individuality combines with the feeling of being ignored to create a special type of misery.

The other primary difference I see between women and men’s CEN is what they do with their feelings. Women feel ashamed for having emotions. They turn their anger against themselves. Men are more likely to be totally unaware that they have feelings at all.

Anger is more accepted in men than in women in today’s world. So men don’t suppress their anger as much as women. Instead, they may alternate between suppressing it and then feeling it unexpectedly, sometimes directing it towards others and sometimes toward themselves.

What happens when two people with CEN form a relationship or marriage? I can tell you that it makes for some very interesting challenges. Check back to see a future blog on this topic.

Some of the most remarkable characteristics of people with CEN deserve mention here. CEN people, both men, and women are exceptionally likable folk. This is part of the tragedy of CEN. These are some of the most lovable people in the world, and yet they feel the most alone. They are typically excessively competent, stand-up folks; yet they feel invisible. They suffer because some vital ingredient is missing from their lives. Yet that missing ingredient is their own emotions, which are not missing; just suppressed.

If I could gather all of the CEN men and women in the world together in one huge room, here is what I would say to them:

“You are not invisible, and you are not to blame. You have no reason to be ashamed. Ask yourself what you feel and why, and you will find your true self there. Your emotions will become your compass, your comfort, and your connection to life. And then you will realize how very much you matter.”

To learn much more about how to heal your marriage if you and/or your spouse grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect see the book, Running On Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships With Your Partner, Your Parents & Your Children.

To find out whether you grew up with CEN, Take The Emotional Neglect Test. It’s free.

To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect, see my first book Running on Empty.

Back-up For Mental Health Professionals

Childhood Emotional Neglect: A parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs.

As a mental health professional, how often have you heard the term Childhood Emotional Neglect used on its own; that is, not followed by the words “and abuse.” I scoured the databases of the APA, and used google and other search methods. I talked with colleagues, and looked through every self-help book that looked promising. Virtually every time the term “emotional neglect” is used, it is either mixed with, or used as a misnomer for, some type of physical neglect or some type of emotional abuse. This was the final factor which drove me to write a book about it. This is the driving force which has had me speaking and writing about Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) for the past three years.

During twenty years of practicing psychology, I gradually became aware that CEN, a tremendously powerful childhood factor, is being overlooked. Why? Because CEN hides. It dwells in the sins of parental omission, rather than commission. It’s the white space in the clinical picture, rather than the picture itself. It’s what was not said or observed or remembered from our patients’ childhoods, rather than what was.

We therapists know that emotion is important, and that if it is not handled well by our clients’ parents in childhood, there will be clear and direct results years later, when our clients are adults. When we screen and evaluate our patients, we ask them about everything that they can see, hear, touch and remember about their childhoods: major events, including emotional, physical, verbal abuse, or any type of trauma, for example. We look for all of these types of memories, as we know that any of these experiences, in even subtle forms in childhood, can play out over a lifetime. We also know about emotional neglect and parental failures. But these are so invisible and unmemorable that it’s difficult to grab onto and difficult to talk about. How do we help our clients become aware of the full impact of what didn’t happen for them?

It took me years of encountering patients who were difficult to understand based upon all of the usual factors to realize that, in some cases, I was asking the wrong questions and looking in the wrong places. Childhood Emotional Neglect is invisible, intangible, and unmemorable. It’s not something that a parent does to a child. Instead, it’s something that a parent fails to do for a child. Since it’s not an act, but a parent’s failure to act, it’s not noted or remembered by parent, child or onlooker. Yet it has a profound effect upon how that child will feel and function as an adult.

Some people can be profoundly affected by one incident of extreme Emotional Neglect, and some may experience a childhood filled with mild incidents. Others experience a childhood that is so riddled with CEN that they grow up defined by it. In my own clinical experience, I have found that few, if any, of these people remember or report any of it. In fact, many of them report (and had) loving, caring parents who had no idea that they were failing their child. This is what makes CEN so pernicious, so difficult to see, and so easy to overlook by clients and their therapists.

I have identified a particular pattern of characteristics in adults who experienced CEN as a child. They include, among others, struggles with emotional awareness; self-blame; feelings of emptiness; problems with self-discipline; and a deep-seated feeling that “something is wrong with me,” which I call the Fatal Flaw.

I have found that keeping Emotional Neglect in the forefront of my mind, and talking about it specifically with patients has made me a far more effective therapist. I feel that for years, I was like the proverbial blind man, treating parts of the elephant – unaware that there was a whole elephant to which I should be attending.

I now have a way of understanding why patients who recall having had a fine childhood are struggling with self-discipline, emptiness, or even suicidal thoughts.
I now know how to understand and work with a patient who is counter-dependent, or has low emotional intelligence, self-directed anger or self-blame.
I can address suicidal thoughts and feelings on a whole new level.
I have the words to talk directly to people about what’s really wrong.

In writing my self-help book, Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect, I have two goals which I am passionate about:

1. I want to make Childhood Emotional Neglect a household term. I want to make as many people as possible aware of the power of this largely overlooked, invisible factor. I want people to know how it affects us when our emotions are not validated; first by our parents in childhood, and later by ourselves in adulthood. I want to take a childhood non-event, which typically goes unseen and unnoticed, and give it equal recognition and respect to the events that we talk about with our patients every day. I want to offer a specific, shared language for us all to talk about this parental failure to act with our patients, and a framework to treat it.

2. I want to ask you, my fellow mental health professionals, to help bring this concept to more people. I’m interested in your thoughts and experiences. I would be honored for you to take a look at Running on Empty, and see if it resonates with you in your clinical work. I want to find out if you will have the same feeling of understanding and success in being able to reach more patients, offer them answers, and move them forward.

Visit my Readers’ Comments Page to see what readers are saying about CEN.

You, my colleagues, have the greatest impact in educating people about CEN. So I’m making Running on Empty available to you at a discount: $10.00, no shipping charges within the continental U.S. Just choose the “Mental Health Professional” option below, and order it directly from me by clicking on the big, blurry button (sorry) below. Then let me know your thoughts after reading it. Thanks for your interest!

**Running on Empty is also available from Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble, in Kindle/Nook or paperback formats. It’s also available in many local bookstores.

How to Identify Childhood Emotional Neglect in Your Clients

For Mental Health Professionals

As clinicians, we all know how to see and diagnose depression, anxiety, phobias, substance dependence as well as a myriad of other disorders in our patients. We watch for a certain cluster of symptoms, compare the number and severity with the description of that disorder in the DSM or the ICD-9, and presto. Sometimes it’s pretty simple and clear; other times, it’s complicated.

But it’s never as difficult as with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN). Here’s why:

It’s not memorable: The adult symptoms of CEN are not caused by childhood events. In contrast, they are in fact caused by childhood non-events. They’re a direct result of a parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs. Since this is not something that happens to a child, but is instead something that fails to happen for a child, the child’s eyes don’t see it and her brain doesn’t record it. The adult patient in your office has no memory of it. This makes it really difficult to see.
It’s not visible: CEN is often buried beneath depression, anxiety, phobias, substance abuse, or some other, more obvious or florid condition. It can also be buried beneath childhood trauma, which is far more obvious and memorable. Your client will likely be asking for relief from these more widely-known, visible symptoms.
There aren’t words for it: Many of the symptoms of CEN are quite difficult to put into words. People seldom spontaneously report and describe feelings of emptiness, the Fatal Flaw, counter-dependence or Alexithymia the way they might report panic attacks, difficulty sleeping or alcohol abuse.
It’s not well-known: Much of the public has been educated about the most common mental health maladies. Many people are able to recognize when they are depressed or anxious. Until now, CEN has received little to no attention. People don’t know it exists, or how to see it in themselves. It is my mission to try to change this, with your help.

Fortunately, there are ways to deal with all of these barriers. Here are the first five things (from the For the Therapist chapter of Running on Empty) to watch for to help you identify CEN in a client:

One of the first hints that I am sitting with a CEN client is a sense that the clinical picture doesn’t add up. For example, the client’s adult struggles seem inexplicable in the context of his description of his childhood. Since CEN is not typically remembered, many CEN patients describe their childhood as “fine,” leaving me wondering how these lifelong symptoms developed.
Watch for a client to feel guilty, or even angry at himself, for simply having feelings. CEN clients received a powerful message in childhood: Don’t Have Feelings. The adult will therefore blame himself and feel ashamed of his emotions.
Watch for a patient to be highly protective of her parents. Many CEN people’s parents were actually quite loving, and provided well for their children. The adult looks back upon childhood and sees the love and the material comfort, but can’t see what the parents didn’t provide: emotional validation and support. CEN clients can be fiercely defensive of their parents.
Many CEN patients doubt the substance of their childhood memories. “I feel like I’m probably exaggerating, it wasn’t really that bad.” “Isn’t this boring for you to listen to?” “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, it’s probably not that important.” These are all common statements from CEN people who are relating events from childhood.
Watch for Alexithymia, or Low Emotional Intelligence. People who grow up in homes that are blind to emotion don’t learn how to tolerate, identify, respond to or manage emotion. This is one of the most observable telltale signs in the therapy relationship.

Of course, identifying CEN is only the start. It can also be difficult to help your client see that he has CEN. This is why I wrote Running on Empty. My hope is to help people everywhere and their therapists identify what’s going on under the surface, put it into words, and join together to correct it. In the book, I cover the ten primary struggles of the emotionally neglected child in adulthood, the twelve types of parents who are likely to emotionally neglect their child, and a full section on how to heal, including a chapter For the Therapist.

To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect, see my first book Running on Empty.

Readers’ Comments About Running on Empty

Reader's Comments

Here is a sampling of the comments I have received from readers of Running on Empty. To add a comment about the book, type it into the Comments below. To remain anonymous, type a pseudonym into the NAME field.

I heard an interview on NPR today with the author, and it was like someone lifted the blinders off my understanding of myself. I just got off the phone with my wife. I love her very much, but, I always joke around with her and tell her I want a divorce. This is a joke, but now I know where comments like this come from. I have major CEN and my parents died, yes I was there for the burials, but I never felt a sense of loss or anything. Now for the first time I know why. My parents DID NOT KNOW ME, AND I DID NOT KNOW THEM. It’s a miracle I turned out semi OK.

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The effect of “what doesn’t happen” upon children gave me an answer, for the first time in 60 years, to something I’ve been trying to figure out consciously every single day since i was 3 years old. the first 16 years of my life that my family lived together, i can’t remember a single meaningful or real communication that occurred between any of us in that time. now i know it is that fact that has had the most detrimental outside effect on my life. this is the beginning of a huge black cloud hanging over me being cleared. so i can’t thank you enough or come close to being able to communicate to you the beneficial effect of/that your being has had on me. thank you again a few more million times….

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It took me years to finally meet with a therapist. My life was great–right? Plenty of friends, great career…so why this dark, heavy feeling I always carried around? What WAS it? Well my therapist encouraged me to pick up Running on Empty and I finally have the answer.

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The book’s author, Dr. Jonice Webb, describes and coins the term, “emotional neglect” with such detail and accuracy it’s almost scary. Who knew how common this is and that others feel this way too?? I literally laughed and cried throughout the book. And just when I started to think, “oh goodness, am I repeating this pattern with my own children?” Dr. Webb writes, “The effects of Emotional Neglect can be reversed. And you’re about to learn how to reverse those parental patterns for yourself, and for your children. Keep reading. No self-blame allowed.”. (How did she KNOW that’s where I was going??).

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As you can see, I highly recommend this book. The topic resonated with me and the writing style was flowing, kind and easy to understand. Thank you!

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This book is wonderful. I finally understand things that have eluded me for many years. Your book has added some tools to my toolbox so I am better prepared to deal with life on life’s terms.

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This book may be helpful to those who have been racking their brains for some repressed childhood trauma to explain what feels like a lifetime of depression, isolation or anxiety – only to come up empty-handed. While emotional neglect can be vividly evident in certain childhood memories, it’s more often hidden in a series of smaller, missed opportunities that accumulate over time to send a message that feelings are not something to be discussed. In accessible and empathetic prose, the author explains how this one unifying theme can connect seemingly disparate symptoms experienced in adulthood, ranging from suicidal thoughts to issues with self-discipline.

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She really sums it up in her introduction when she says that often it’s not “what happened to you as a child, but rather what did NOT happen” What was NOT talked about. What guidance and issues were NOT addressed. What feelings were NOT labeled and honored. She gives a refreshing new way to think about our childhood so that we can have a new perspective and approach to our own parenting. A must read for parents and practitioners !!

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This is not a book about blatant abuse. It is about the myriad ways that parents may fail to be attuned to the emotional worlds of their children, and the consequences of this lack of connection. Despite the topic, this is a positive book that offers concrete steps for the reader to heal not only him or herself, but to parent more effectively, too. The content is very accessible, and is written with insight and humor. I highly recommend Running on Empty, and will refer to this resource frequently not only in my practice as a Life Coach, but as a daughter, wife and mother, as well.

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My childhood was exactly as described in the book — my parents took great care of all of my physical needs, but were completely out of touch with my emotional needs. I was very shy and didn’t have many friends through middle school and high school. My self-esteem plummeted, despite doing very well in school. I was very sad and lonely, but my parents didn’t notice. They were happy that I did well in school, and assumed everything else was fine. Reading this book has given me a framework for reworking my adult relationships with my wife and kids. Luckily for me, it’s not too late. I strongly recommend this book for anyone who has had experiences like mine and wants to overcome them.

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Your book pegged and accurately identified so many problems I have. In reading your book, I felt like sunlight had crept in under the shades.

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I’ve recommended your book to over a dozen clients already, and they have agreed that no other book has had a greater impact. It’s the most remarkable book I’ve read in a long time.

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I have a very hard time with swinging between self- castigation and procrastination. I struggle with any task that is boring, difficult or not stimulating. Your worksheets in the book have really helped me to set a goal of tackling 3 things each day that I don’t want to do. I am so grateful that I discovered this book which put into words something that I have always noticed but could never really describe. I notice emotional neglect all around me; in adults and in parents and the way they deal with (or don’t deal with) their children. Reading the book has validated me somewhat and I am empowered to continue parenting the way I have been, with tons of attention, affection and respect for my children and to also ignore the naysayers. Thank you for this wonderful book and I hope it helps more people heal from the insidious effects of emotional neglect.

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I bought this book primarily to help with character development in my writing but discovered a little bit about myself. That’s always a good thing. I’m not one for doing writing exercises while I’m reading, and this book calls upon the reader to do just that. For those of you who like that kind of stuff, or for parents that are having difficulty raising their kids, this book offers some helpful insight. I was prompted to buy this book after listening to an interview with Jonice Webb on NPR. She struck me as a wonderful and insightful therapist.

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This was an amazing book. As someone who was never physically abused in childhood but who was definitely emotionally neglected, I was so relieved and comforted to know that a lot of what I struggle with is not my fault nor is it weakness. It is simply a result of not getting something which was needed as I was growing up. It is so much easier to help yourself when you know what is really wrong. Especially helpful is reading that many parents who Emotionally Neglect their children are not cruel or heartless but actually love their children and yet are unable to provide the emotional support necessary due to factors possibly from their own childhoods. Very well written and relevant with excellent examples of the different types of neglectful parents and the way we may have been harmed by them. Also great information on what to do to avoid emotionally neglecting your own children.

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This is just the book I needed to help me explain why I support attachment parenting. There are lots of “good enough” parents out there but there are also plenty of people who are walking wounded. Due to almost imperceptible emotional neglect many people are left feeling unfulfilled or confused about their scrambled emotions. The vignettes in this book make it really clear that the failure to tune in to a child’s emotional needs can leave big gaps in development and social/relational intelligence. Until you read it, this might sound like over-sensitivity or blowing things out of proportion. When you read it, lights go off and if you see yourself in these pages, you might be freed of a little unexplained guilt or confusion about how your emotional life has turned out.

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This is a hard topic to face and explore. Dr. Webb does a great job of keeping it from getting too heavy and depressing. She’s matter of fact about the prevalence of childhood emotional neglect, and you will quickly see yourself and your friends in her descriptions of typical people and their symptoms. Then she provides some achievable solutions. They take work and perseverance but they can really help. But one of the most valuable aspects of this book is the relief you will feel when you recognize aspects of your own childhood. It’s affirming and helpful to finally figure out some of the reasons behind troubling issues and feelings you have been living with for so long.

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I found Running on Empty thoroughly informative on the potential pitfalls of unintentional emotional ignorance, not to mention outright abuse. It also answers the proverbial parental question, “What did I do wrong?” For those who have been so blessed to have raised well-adjusted children, capable of taking on challenges and navigating the upheaval of adult responsibility, it also answers the question, “What did I do right?” I like Jonice Webb; she’s positive, curious, and wants to change some really bad behavior that appears to be almost epidemic in today’s society. The book lost me a little with exercises that I was neither interested in doing or reading about. However, I’m certain some readers may find the exercises useful.

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This book is a great read for anyone who is (a) a parent or (b) married. It delves into the problems created when parents (and other relationships) are neglectful. People who suffered from a lot of neglect typically end up having trouble connecting, and probably repeat the pattern as parents themselves. Or they are not able to enter meaningful relationships. Don’t worry — Dr. Webb gives lots of examples and the cases she describes are pretty severe. But I think everyone goes through a little neglect, so it is a great read for all of us who are learning and trying to improve as parents and spouses. I highly recommend this book!

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As a therapist, I’ve worked with many people who were seriously emotionally neglected. It’s a difficult concept for clients to understand because it is so hard to grasp the ABSENCE of something. For years I wished there was a book about emotional neglect I could direct them to, but in a win for parallel process, the whole subject of neglect had been neglected. So I was delighted to have a client share this book with me, and delighted to read it.
Webb does an excellent job of making the invisible visible. She shows the different kinds of parents (some even good parents) who leave their children’s emotions and persons out of the family equation. She also assures the reader many times that the emptiness of having been neglected is treatable. Neglect is quite treatable, but sadly, the last third of the book, in which she is talking about treatment, is truncated. It feels like her publisher rushed the book to press unfinished. This book is excellent for understanding the impacts of neglect on your life, but find an empathic therapist to work with to really heal the injuries left by emotional neglect. I hope in a future edition of this book, Webb expands the treatment section.

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I just read Running On Empty on my Kindle and have now ordered the paperback so I can use the charts more easily.Thank you for writing this outstanding book. After many years of therapy and lots of self study, your book finally gave me a deeper understanding of my lifelong struggles and ways to heal them. I’m grateful for your compassionate discussion of the way neglect is passed on from generation to generation, and hope to break the chain in my own family.

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Your book was written for me. Has helped me tremendously with my own life and clients, tapping the previously unexplained.

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I have a sudden insight into my husband! I know I can’t “fix” him but I can be more aware and validate his emotions when he shows them, which isn’t very often. Our marriage counselor said he is emotionally handicapped, and we both worked hard to help him identify and express emotion. And then life goes on and things get forgotten, but this is a good reminder. Thanks!

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I’ve been in therapy off and on over the past 8 years. I remember one therapist commenting on my parents’ “neglect,” but I don’t think any of my therapists have understood the impact that has had on my entire life. Thank you so much.

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I found your website on FB from a friend of a friend. I filled out the Emotional Neglect Questionnaire and it was weirdly on spot. I grew up in the “system” ( orphanage, group homes, foster homes, detention centers and homeless) I am not sure I can undo life long damage. I plan on reading the book and hopefully it will at least make me aware of why I feel this way or why I am the way I am. I’m sure there is a “case study” out there with my name on it!

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I feel that I have passed on CEN to my Children. Thank you for helping me to realize this and now my plan is to work on this and free us from the past hurts.

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It was really nice…to know! Yes! I had CEN…but always felt when I grow up I ‘ll put my genuine effort to give my kids “an emotionally secured” environment…where a mother can understand their feeling and ‘hug’ them….they can ideally perceive mom as mom….! I know how it feels…thank you so much! I never knew…it had a name too!

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I would do anything to help you make, the term emotional neglect a household term. I am a survivor of CEN. I know the crucial importance of it. We need more present parents in this world. Thank you for such amazing insight.

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Hi. I am so glad to have read this article on CEN. I am certainly a survivor of it, growing up in the 1950′s. For me, it was not only a matter of emotional neglect, but a “non-self”- with such a lack of self, that I was invisible; this I still struggle with today very much. Thanks!

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How interesting that this subject is being brought to light. Five decades ago, as a high school student, I carried with all my books, a copy of “Meeting Children’s Emotional Needs.” Not sure I ever read it, but, for some reason, I felt it a proclamation of sorts to those in the field of teaching as well as to my mother, new stepdad, and new half-brothers. Just the black letters upon the white background cover of the book could not be ignored. No one ever asked me anything about it.

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Thank you so much for this article, and your book. I remember a quick comment from a therapist years ago about the harm of emotional neglect/invalidation–but found it almost impossible to believe. I suspected she was making it up to help me feel better!

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It took a long time before I could really embrace this and feel the release that comes with such a profound truth. I felt so much shame about even being in therapy, because there was really nothing “wrong” with me–no physical, sexual or even verbal abuse. You are so correct that this is insidious, and that makes it even worse, as people don’t think they even belong in, or “deserve” therapy.

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I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you put my life long chaos, my struggles into something tangible. For years I have searched and searched for answers as to what is wrong with me. When I started reading this book in the evening, I was so happy I wanted to jump up and down on my bed because someone finally knew me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!

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This book is profoundly changing my life. Every word resonated within me. I asked my therapist to read it so that we can work together in helping me to deal with overcoming my childhood emotional neglect. What a journey.

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Dr. Webb has done an excellent job of identifying the various ways children can be emotionally damaged through neglect. She identifies and names the types of parental characteristics that cause emotional neglect in children and gives examples of how a parent would react in various situations. A must read for parents, troubled adults and professionals.

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This book changed the way I saw myself. My therapist recommended it and it is the best book I have read by far to help me with why I do the things I do.

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The idea that parents, who really feel love for their children and care for them, can still emotionally neglect them was the reason I bought the book. I have read hundreds of books related to mental health and a sense of well-being; this one is now at the top of my list. Growing up I can’t remember my parents ever really being concerned with my feelings. They responded to my feelings but never in the sense of wanting to validate them. I bought hard copies for a number of people; especially my adult children. I can’t imagine someone not learning something from the book. I have no connection with the sales and distribution of this book.

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I have now received your book and spent a couple of days with it – it is truly wonderful and I am so impressed by how you have written and how you have managed to give advice in a way that I feel tempted to try and adapt your tools.

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The book is remarkable and makes you AWARE of what happen- or of what should’ve and Didn’t happen as a child. I believe many people suffered from emotional neglect and can’t understand the concept until someone opens there eyes and explains it to them. It’s helpful for anyone to read- parents, teens, psychologists, etc, and mainly TEACHERS should make sure they get a hold of this book being they can also cause a lot of damage to there students directly and indirectly. As a parent After reading the book you think to yourself and realize how much we can influence and have an impact on our children- unbelievable!

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I hate self-help books. They’re an embarrassing reminder of the effing mess I am. Still: what I can better understand, I have a better chance of fixing–or at least minimizing the damage. No book can fix everything (or anything, perhaps), but this is a start. And it was relieving to finally read something I could relate to, to have an explanation for the seemingly endless and no-help-for-it madness.

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Dr. Webb did an excellent job of introducing and organizing the material and sticking to the topic. A compact and straightforward read, there are no wandering rants on theory–and no proselytizing, which is a welcome change from too many self-help books. While the exercises listed here were of no real use to me (too lazy to do them/might be too old for such), the brief descriptions and suggestions of how to help yourself are good and valuable.

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As already mentioned by someone else, the implications of the concepts here are important and far-reaching. It brings up a needed shift in thinking regarding mental health therapy for humans–and now that it’s out there, I have to wonder why it took so long to get to the obvious; although it’s true, the simplest ideas are often the most elusive or ignored.

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All my life I had felt the emptiness so well described in this book.I got so desperate to find out why I felt the way I did I even went to a Reiki master who tried to help.This feeling of on being on a sinking ship or on the losing side and pessimistic outcome was and is hurting me everyday.I knew that my childhood was different.Being brought up by parents who were old enough to be my grandparents (my parents were 60 and 34 when I was 2 years old) my feelings and emotions were the last things on their minds. But I did always ask myself this that despite being wonderful people themselves and giving me everything possible why did I feel so ungrateful angry and tearful…Now I understand and have started taking the steps suggested.I hope one day I successfully create a positive parental voice in my head which I can own.

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My entire life so far I struggled against something that I could not name. Thank you for writing this wonderful book.

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I saw a therapist for a three visit evaluation of my inability to focus, trouble sleeping, low self-esteem, inability to finish my thesis. After two visits, when I said I had never in my life to this day been told “I love your” or “I am proud of you” by either of my parents, he looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said you are suffering from emotional neglect – he explained and I agreed very quickly. Fortunately, I am a good researcher, and found Running on Empty online and bought it for my kindle immediately.

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Thank you so much for your book – I am reading a few pages at a time to ensure I absorb as much as possible, thoroughly. Thanks.

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I am a fan of good pop psychology in general, but Webb’s theory of emotional neglect is one I have not read and that strikes me as wise and worthy. It explains a “something is missing” sense that even people with generally good lives can walk around with, and the anecdotes are very helpful in understanding the many ways we might not have had our emotional intelligence and development nurtured in childhood.

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Emotional neglect is not abuse. It is an empty space, not a space filled with hurt, so it’s therefore difficult to pinpoint what it is in our past that leaves us feeling lost and empty. The book is aimed in part at suffering adults, in part at parents wanting to properly nurture their children, and in part at psychotherapists. This is still a theory and Webb hopes to see empirical research take off on it soon, Me too–it’s an extremely compelling approach. This is not a scolding, blaming book. Rather, it is insightful and encouraging.

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To make an extremely long story extremely short, I am an only child who suffers from CEN. Due to the circumstances I grew up with, I honestly don’t remember my parents much at all, though both are still alive and married today. Thank you very much for publishing this, and I really benefited from reading your book.

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I think CEN will provide some deeper answers than “you have depression and anxiety” for a lot of people who know there’s something deeper and more sinister going on but can’t put their finger on it exactly… if you don’t know what the problem is then you don’t know how to fix it or even how to understand why you feel that way.

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I’d just like to thank Dr. Webb for her book. I am so grateful that somehow I learned about the book on the Internet. I feel hopeful that my ability to express my emotions and the overall quality of my life will improve, so long as I am able to follow her recommendations. Now I understand myself so much better, and no longer need to wonder what happened to me. Many blessings to Dr. Webb!

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Thank you so much for writing this book. I lived my whole life in a depressed state, while publicly trying to maintain a façade of good cheer and happiness. No one knew about my suicidal thoughts that plagued me at various points in my life. I have the outward appearance of total success, great husband and kids, great job, financially secure. With the help of your book, I was able to “plug up” the holes and start the recovery process of “filling my tank.” When I read your book, it hit home…I was crying through most of the anecdotes you wrote, because it felt so similar to my story. Although I am not our of the woods yet, at least now, I know the problem…because knowing and understanding the problem is half the solution. You have made a very large contribution to humanity in writing this book.

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Hands-down, one of the best psychology/self-help books I’ve read. This book is AMAZING. I rarely write book reviews, but I cannot say enough good things about this book. The author succinctly conveys difficult content in a clear, compassionate voice. As a first-generation Asian-American woman, I think this book has tremendous applications for the immigrant community. This book gave me the language to reframe how I saw my childhood and parents. It changed my perception of self and others. It helped me understand what my parents’ and my generation never gave or received, and why that can create such pain. It also helped validate many of the choices I’ve made as a parent, in balancing structure and discipline with unconditional love and nurturing. Without generalizing too much, I can also see emotional neglect as one of many explanations for some of the antisocial behaviors I see among my children’s peers. This allows me to not judge or blame people, but rather feel compassion and kindness. I highly recommend this book if you grew up feeling unseen, unheard, unattached, unappreciated, overlooked, or overburdened.

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Thank you thank you thank you an infinite number of times that i can’t even count. Your original article about the fatal flaw was the last brick in my personal wall. When i read it, it was like the last thing i needed to hear in a good way. Tho i am a survivor of horrid child abuse, marital abuse and abuse from many areas of life, I had been looking for the one brick to pull out of the wall, for decades. It was the one area of emptiness I had been dancing unknowingly around almost a lifetime. My neglectful mother never hugged me,never kissed me, never showed me any affection as well as abuse. I had remembered the anger, the intense indescribable pain, that i felt as a young child when she wouldn’t acknowledge the simple child affection i wanted to give, and the anger i felt at that rejection. I never would have thought a child could feel such a depth of anger and resentment. Then I ran across your article. I can’t remember how, but the click happened. Now, i know what that brick was. I have a term, a word, to describe it with. Now I no longer revolve around a complete unknown.

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I was very pleased to find this book it did not tell me anything new but it gave a name to what has did not happen to me as a child. I knew i had not been loved and i knew i had been neglected. My neglect was not of the physical type so it was hard to describe or to get anyone to understand. I hope this book will help the many people like me who knew something was wrong but did not know were to go or how to help themselves.

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I was prompted to read this book after hearing an NPR interview of Jonice Webb. Her book could be very useful for people who are dissatisfied with their lives, can’t figure out why, and have no idea what to do about it. She gives practical, doable suggestions and has written her book in a clear style without using the jargon of her field.

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Wow. Where do I start. Firstly, thanks for the insight into how I got to where I am today, emotionally speaking. I have spent years working on the symptoms of anxiety, depression, feeling inadequate, unassertive, lost and empty. Why do I feel like this? Now I have an explanation that makes sense, and gives me a new angle from which to tackle my issues. I hope I can overlook the past and move forward into a happier future. I got your book last night and have been reading continuously since, completing Parts 1 & 2. Now for Part 3, the recovery. I would dearly love to get my life on track, and now I feel that with your help I can succeed. Thank you.

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I’m on p. 200 of Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb – It’s compassionate, direct, unique, quietly amazing.

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Thank you, for writing RUNNING ON EMPTY. I had come to the same conclusions, on my own, that things were neglected in my childhood. But I could not explain why, or how. Just the validation of my own insights has been extremely therapeutic. I can’t wait to begin applying some of the recovery exercises.

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Thank you dearly for writing your book Running on Empty. After over two years of soul searching, realizations, investigations, and collecting pieces of the puzzle, your book helped me put my story together. These causes and affects are real and debilitating, but correctable, with recognition and a lot of intention and effort. Most important to me is breaking the chain – stopping the behavior from affecting the way we parent. Well done, and much appreciated.

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After 6 professionals over 12 years who were clueless as to what my real problem has been, I came across your book, which I ate up. Thank you for this.

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Hello, I thank you so much for your book about CEN. I am 63 years old and have always felt empty inside. A long dysfunctional family story about my childhood and so that is where it stems from. I tell friends about your book if they share with me that they have the same empty feelings. I am having therapy for this and it will be a journey to re inventing myself emotionally. Thank you again for bringing this very important and valuable subject out into the public arena.

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Thank you so much for writing this book. At age 65 I’m finally discovering what this empty feeling I’ve had all my life is all about. I truly felt that there was something wrong with me but kept it to myself, it was my dark secret. I kept trying to figure out why can’t I be happy like everyone else? I found no answers until I read your book. It has brought me comfort and understanding. Thank you again.

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Your article gave me hope, you gave me something I can apply on my own life. Showed me I can change my life into something I like, feel, live. I did something I did not for a long time after reading your article. I asked myself what I feel and “I am happy” right now and I think I am relieved. It is weird for me. May be it seems a small thing but actually you gave me a great gift. I am looking forward to read your book.

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I am just coming towards the end of reading your book, running on empty. I never believed this could be written about, so much that you write about applies to me, I didn’t realize so many people suffer from this, and that this could actually be put into words! Although it’s comforting to read about, guess what, I can’t find words to describe what to say to you….. It scares me. I keep writing then deleting, deliberating. I’ve been going to therapy for 3 months now, my therapist told me about your book. I feel like empty, disconnected, dark and wish my life wasn’t…. No words…. I can’t see light in this dark tunnel. Draft re draft again… What I write is not necessarily what I feel, as I don’t know what / how I feel. Thank you for writing this book & I hope you are successful in bringing hope to my (&others) being.

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I have been in Therapy for 5 years and now practice as a trainee psychotherapist. I must have read 100 books since I put the word “stuck” into google when I started my search for why I felt empty and unhappy, even though I had been very successful materially and had a loving family. This book is really helpful for anyone who feels the same. The best bit is that the book not only describes examples of what might have created the emptiness but offers practical advice as to how to move forward, something that is very lacking in most academic books. Self-help books are frequently lacking in depth, generalize and are directive rather than empathic. This book tries it’s best to break the mould. The book offers HOPE and I can endorse that true happiness is possible even after the most traumatic of experiences.

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very clear and well written.
i felt she was talking through me and for the first time in years felt validated!
a must for anyone who may feel they are missing something in life!

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Very enjoyable read learnt a lot about myself and also gained an insight into seeing parenting differently and the different types of personalities.

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I just finished reading your book, and I want to thank you for writing it! It’s both encouraging and frightening to see myself and my lifelong struggles outlined so clearly. I finally have a name for what is “wrong,” and I’m hoping to find a therapist I can work with to explore these issues.

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You just explained my entire life. I took your questionnaire and circled yes for all of them. Thank you so much, I can start feeling less guilty about who I am.

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I wanted to say thank you so much for your book “Running on Empty.” My sister told me about your book. I had a lot of light bulb moments. I can now put my past behind me and look forward to a brighter and happier future. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

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I recently purchased and read your wonderful book on emotional neglect. As a therapist I have clients who fit many of your descriptions. One common thread which I see in many clients is their inability to recognize and name the emotions which they or others are feelings. I resonate with the assessment that the reason for this is that emotions and emotional states have never been pointed out to them when they were younger. I think that I would find your very extensive list of emotions and emotional states in the back of the book very useful in moving my clients forward. I would like permission to copy and use the list for the benefit of my clients.

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I just finished your book “Running on Empty” and while I don’t normally contact the authors of many books, I just want to reach out and say THANK YOU! I think your work is brilliant and so very very much needed. I feel … much lighter after reading your book. And also excited as I begin my Masters in Clinical Mental Health this fall. Also, I was wondering if there are plans to have it translated into other languages soon?

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It is a Blessing to have discovered you and your book on the internet this evening. I had very much hoped to be a great parent. . Somehow felt that I needed help with this. I am so sorry that my children’s lives have been negatively impacted by what was missing in our parenting of them. I pray always, and try to be loving and supportive now. One is receptive. The other perhaps is beginning to be. I want the best for them, and am motivated to be the best that I can be now, and to encourage my husband also. Any further comments, instruction, encouragement is so very appreciated. Thank you, and many blessings.

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A letter of forgiveness to myself, what a labor of love, tis the season of gift giving..and the process starts with myself,,,walking, showering, living among others in this life we have been given..love the book, Running on Empty…thank you, Jonice.. thank you..

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I keep the book on a table in my room, since I refer to it often. It’s hard to explain why I find it difficult, yet comforting to read. I suppose the difficult comes from not wanting to confront facts from the past, but the comfort comes from finally knowing you aren’t alone, that you aren’t crazy or broken just for no reason.

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This book really struck a chord with me and was well worth the purchase price. I put the highlighter feature on my Kindle to good use on this book because there were so many good points and parts of the book I wanted to go back and read again later on.

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Life changing. Everyone should read it.

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I highly recommend this book. It hits the nail on the head while giving you tools for recovery. I don’t know anyone who escapes childhood without some form of Emotional Neglect. It’s just a matter of varying degrees. I think anyone can benefit from reading this.

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I’m 49, divorced with four kids, remarried. Late last year I finally figured out that I’d been neglected as a child, not what one might call a severe case, but bad enough. I found your book and the light went on. Since then I’ve been doing the exercises in the book and had what I would call an emotional awakening — its like having a new sense organ. Amazing, exciting, weird. And feelings of vagueness and emptiness and not knowing what I’m feeling are melting away.

FOR MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS

For Mental Health Professionals

Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN): A parent’s failure to respond enough to the child’s emotional needs.

**SPECIAL NOTE TO LICENSED THERAPISTS: If you have read Running on Empty or have taken my Fuel Up for Life online CEN program and would like to receive referrals from me to treat folks who are looking for a CEN specialist, please fill out the quick google form linked here:

SIGN UP TO JOIN MY CEN THERAPIST REFERRAL LIST

I now have a way of understanding why patients who recall having had a fine childhood are struggling with self-discipline, emptiness, or even suicidal thoughts.
I now know how to understand and work with a patient who is counter-dependent, or has low emotional intelligence, self-directed anger or self-blame.
I can address suicidal thoughts and feelings on a whole new level.
I have the words to talk directly to people about what’s really wrong.

Visit my Readers’ Comments Page to see what readers are saying about CEN.

In writing my self-help book, Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect, I have two goals which I am passionate about:

2. I want to ask you, my fellow mental health professionals, to help bring this concept to more people. I’m interested in opening up a sharing of thoughts and experiences among mental health professionals. I want to know if it resonates with you in your clinical work. I want to find out if you will have the same feeling of understanding and success in being able to reach more patients, offer them answers, and move them forward.

I hope you will find Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect a helpful resource. With a special chapter for parents and another for mental health professionals, I hope it will help you open new doors with stuck patients. And if you would like to help your patient further, click here to learn more about my Fuel Up for Life program.

Running on Empty’s Table of Contents

Running on Empty:

Introduction: Is This Book for You?

What is Emotional Neglect?

Does This Book Apply to You? Take This Questionnaire to Find Out

Part I: Running on Empty

Chapter 1: Why Wasn’t the Tank Filled?

Chapter 2: Twelve Ways to End Up Empty

Type 1: The Narcissistic Parent

Type 2: The Authoritarian Parent

Type 3: The Permissive Parent

Type 4: The Bereaved Parent: Divorced or Widowed

Type 5: The Addicted Parent

Type 6: The Depressed Parent

Type 7: The Workaholic Parent

Type 8: The Parent with a Special Needs Family Member

Type 9: The Achievement/Perfection Focused Parent

Type 10: The Sociopathic Parent

Type 11: Child as Parent

Type 12: The Well-Meaning-but-Neglected-Themselves Parent

Part II: Out of Fuel

Chapter 3: The Neglected Child, All Grown Up

Feelings of Emptiness
Counter-Dependence
Unrealistic Self-Appraisal
No Compassion for Self, Plenty for Others
Guilt and Shame: What is Wrong With Me?
Self-Directed Anger, Self-Blame
Fatal Flaw (If People Really Know Me They Won’t Like Me)
Difficulty Nurturing Self and Others
Poor Self-Discipline
Alexithymia: Poor Awareness and Understanding of Emotions

Chapter 4: Cognitive Secrets: The Special Problem of Suicidal Feelings

Part III: Filling the Tank

Chapter 5: How Change Happens

False Expectations

Avoidance

Discomfort

Chapter 6: Why Feelings Matter and What to Do with Them

Understanding the Purpose and Value of Your Emotions
Identifying and Naming Your Feelings
Learning to Self-Monitor Your Feelings
Accepting and Trusting Your Own Feelings
Learning to Express Your Feelings in the Moment
Recognizing, Understanding and Valuing Emotions in Relationships

Chapter 7: Self-Care

Part 1: Learning to Nurture Yourself

Step A. Putting Yourself First

Learning to say no

Asking for help

Learning your likes and dislikes

Prioritizing your own enjoyment

Step B. Eating

Step C. Exercise

Step D. Rest and Relaxation

Part 2: Improving Self-Discipline

Part 3:Self-Soothing

Part 4: Having Compassion for Yourself

Principle 1: The golden rule in reverse

Principle 2: Become aware of damaging self-directed anger

Principle 3: Give yourself the benefit of your own wisdom and compassion

Principle 4: Develop an inner loving-but-firm voice

Principle 5: Allow yourself to be human

Chapter 8: Ending the Cycle: Giving Your Child What You Never Got

Your Parental Guilt

The Changes You Have Made So Far

Identify Your Own Specific Parenting Challenges

Chapter 9: For the Therapist

Research

Attachment Theory

Emotional Intelligence

Identification of Emotional Neglect

Treatment

Summary

Conclusions

Resources for Recovery

Assertiveness

Relationship Improvement

Feeling Word List

References

Media

About Dr. Jonice Webb

Jonice Webb, PhD is a licensed psychologist and the recognized pioneer of the previously overlooked topic, Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN). She is the bestselling author of the first books ever written about Childhood Emotional Neglect, Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect and Running On Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships With Your Partner, Your Parents & Your Children. Dr. Webb blogs weekly about CEN on Psychology Today, and created the first online program dedicated to CEN recovery, Fuel Up For Life.

Interviews

CBS - Watch Below - May, 2018

CBS Boston Evening News

New England Morning News - Watch Below - May, 2018

NECN Morning News

NPR Overcoming Childhood Neglect

Articles

Washington Post

Everyone is Setting Boundaries: Do They Even Know What it Means

Psychology Today

Biography Page on Psychology Today

8 Signs of Emotional Neglect in a Family

10 Signs of Emotional Neglect in a Relationship

MSN

7 Signs You Grew Up With Emotionally Immature Parents -- And It's Affecting You Now

Yahoo

7 Signs You Grew Up An Overly Independent Child -- And It's Affecting You Now

10 Things Emotionally Neglected Kids Grow Up Believing – That Are Not True

CNBC For The Boomerang Generation There Are Pitfalls To Moving Home

CEN Recovery Workshops & Professional Trainings

Treating Childhood Emotional Neglect: An Overview - 2 CE Online Training for therapists. Open enrollment. Learn how to identify CEN in your clients who cannot recall it and walk them through the 4 stages of treatment. This training qualifies you to be listed on the Find a CEN Therapist Page.

Fuel Up For Life For Therapists - 12 CE Online Training for therapists. Open enrollment. Gain ongoing access to all aspects of the Fuel Up For Life Program except the Q&A calls and the Support Forum. Learn how to conduct the Break Through Your Wall Exercise, the Identifying & Naming and the IAAA.

The Art of Living Retreat Center - CEN Recovery Retreat for laypeople and therapists (no CE for therapists) among the Blue Ridge Mountains in Boone, NC October 21-23, 2022. Fuel Up Your Feelings.

The 1440 Multiversity - CEN Recovery Retreat for laypeople and therapists Scotts Valley, CA August 23-25, 2019 Feeling as Fuel, APA & NASW approved for 9 credits

Kripalu Center - CEN Recovery Retreat for laypeople and therapists. Stockbridge, MA May 3-5, 2019 Fuel Up With Feeling, APA approved for 6.75 credits, NASW approved for 8 credits

GoodTherapy.org - Identifying and Treating Childhood Emotional Neglect in Adults, APA, NAADC, NBCC, ASWB, MFT all approved for 2 credits